And he usually looks the part as well.
Ten Most Heinous Christmas Songs Ever
Ten Most Heinous Christmas Songs Ever
by Toni Williams in Christmas 7 Comments
In a few days, the pain will stop. The pain, that is, of awful and most heinous Christmas songs. I already know that I am going to Hell. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright said that I was going to Hell because I didn’t support Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. My friends and I are renting a party bus.
We won’t be listening to Christmas Songs on the bus. They are headache inducing.
Self-explanatory
I hereby propose that the following Christmas songs have achieved a level of heinousness that would cause my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to shove a dreidel directly in his brain. Jesus probably doesn’t mind the “Dreidel Song”, he is gonna get Adam Sandler for the “Hanukkah Song”, for sure. Sorry, I got off track there. Jesus celebrated Hanukkah and, my mind wandered away.
Here they are. The most heinous Christmas songs ever. I’ve provided links in case you are a masochist.
1. “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” – This one’s a gimme. Even my toothless Appalachian Relations hate this song, it’s so heinous.
2. “Someday at Christmas” by Stevie Wonder – Political Christmas songs hurt the Baby Jesus’s heart. F’realz. The song actually has nothing to do with Christmas, except it’s in the title. This song is heinously Progressive. Ugh.
3. “Do They Know Christmas” by Band Aid – This song is heinous on multiple levels. Do-gooder celebs milking emotions write a song about Africa and know nothing about Africa. I hear this song and want to scream, “There will be snow in parts of Africa this Christmas, you bottom feeding half-wits”. You could write a song with the lyrics, “There won’t be snow in Miami this Christmas” and be equally heinous. And, see above, political Christmas songs hurt the Baby Jesus’s heart.
4. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey – Actually, I hate everything by Mariah Scary. Oooo, baby, I sure do. Mariah Carey doesn’t sing. Mariah Carey yells and screeches. This song is very popular. I hate it. It’s heinous and must never be played again.
5. “The Christmas Song” made popular by Nat King Cole – You know, “Chestnuts roasting on a open fire.” Yes, I hate that one. This song could cause you to go into a sugar coma. If this song comes on, get the insulin pump ready.
6. “Mary, Did You Know?” – written by Mark Lowry and sung by anyone. Mary knew. It’s in the Bible. When people in the Bible weren’t begetting, they were prophesying. Mary knew, Joseph knew, cousin Elizabeth knew. They all knew. There is an even more special place in Hell for Pentatonix and their version. If God doesn’t hate me too much, he won’t put Pentatonix near me in our special places in Hell.
7. “Happy Xmas/War is Over” by John Lennon – as stated above political Christmas songs hurt the Baby Jesus’s heart. This one gave him colic too.
8. “Santa Clause Is Coming to Town” by Bruce Springsteen – I am not a Springsteen fan. He always sounds constipated to me. He just didn’t need to do this. And, Sirius XM should never play it again.
9. “Away in a Manger” by anyone – I included the John Denver version here, but they are all heinous. Listen to the song and tell me that you don’t want to run screaming from the room.
and finally, the one I hate the most:
10. “The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth” by Bing Crosby and David Bowie – You have no idea how much I hate hating this heinous song. Could there be two better voices blending together than Bing Crosby and David Bowie? The answer is No. I don’t care for “The Little Drummer Boy” all by its lonesome. When the song is combined with “Peace on Earth”, it could induce serious mental conditions. Baby Jesus’s heart is hurt and he hates fascists. Look at the words:
Every child must be made aware
Every child must be made to care
Care enough for his fellow man
To give all the love that he can
“Must be made.” Oh, I don’t think so. This song is heinous.
There are many, many more heinous Christmas songs. These are the worst offenders. They cause a headache every time they are played.
Merry Christmas. Just don’t sing it to me.
And he usually looks the part as well.
‘The Christmas Song’ was written by Mel Torme. Mel Torme could turn ‘Cherokee’ into a ballad.
If a top 10 list of bad Christmas songs doesn’t contain “Last Christmas”, it’s immediately invalid.
You need “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives on this list. The sine qua non of bad Christmas music.
Stevie Nicks’ Silent Night is hard to listen to.
I have my own list of favorites I compiled 7 years ago and hope you like them too.
As the ACLU, CAIR and others of their ilk spread warm greetings and cheer during this Holiday Season, I think it’s time for some politically INCORRECT Christmas Carols. I’m getting misty-eyed as I compile a list of my favorites while experiencing a warm glow coming over me (I certainly hope it’s not the same kind of warm glow experienced by Alexander Litvinenko). Anyway, let me share a few familiar song titles with you, albeit slightly modified.
1. Infidels, Infidels, it’s jihad time in the city (Silver Bells)
2. Frosty the Imam (Frosty the Snowman), also known as, “Come Fly With Me”
3. Jihadi Tree, O’ Jihadi Tree, there is a Jew behind thee (Christmas Tree)
4. O’ Little Town of Kandahar (O’ Little Town of Bethlehem)
5. Omar, the One-Eyed Mullah (Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)
6. Deck the Halls With Bombs of Plastique (Deck the Halls)
7. Hark, Harold the Mullah’s Singhing (Hark the Herald Angels)
8. Here Comes Sadr Claus (Here Comes Santa Claus)
9. Away In a Bunker (Away in a Manger)
10. We Wish You a Merry Death Wish (We Wish You a Merry Christmas)
11. No Al Qaeda In Iraq, or Nancy Pelosi’s, I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt (Skin) (all right, it’s not a Christmas Carol – I know)
12. O’ Hillary, O’ Hillary, what happened to Vince Foster? (O Christmas Tree)
13. The Little Bomber Boy (The Little Drummer Boy)
14. I Saw Nancy Kissing Murthra’s Ass (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)
15. Slay Ride (Sleigh Ride)
16. O’ Come All Ye Muslims, kill all non-believers (O’ Come All Ye Faithful)
17. All I Want For Christmas Is My I.E.D. (All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth)
18. I’ve Got My (Suicide) Vest to Keep Me Warm (I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm)
19. Alcee Got Run Over By Pelosi (Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer)
20. Iraqin’ Around the Sunni Tree (Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree)
21. Violent Night (Silent Night)
and my all time favorite,
22. People We Have Blown Sky High (Angels We Have Heard on High)
Can you feel the love here? I’m thinking about releasing a CD, but will it play in Peoria?
Please feel free to add to this list – I’m sure you all have your own favorites.
Two of your picks are by far the worst ever sung.
’ Grandma got run over ... ‘ is just so idiotic it drives me insane.
But John Lennon’s so called Christmas song is probably the worst. His ignorance and arrogance shine right through in this ditty.
Did he happen to compose a song memorializing the hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese who went through hell or died after the US abandoned them?
I’m getting mad just thinking about this POS.
Hate the drummer boy song and that christmas shoes for my dead mother song.
Band aid when they sing better them than you, f yeah. I don’t apologize for living in the greatest country ever.
Could hardly agree more with the top 4 and the list through 8 in general, but I like 9 and love 10.
Incoming
#4 YES!!!! So glad to see it made the list!
1. “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”
Verdict: total agreement
2. “Someday at Christmas” by Stevie Wonder – Political Christmas songs hurt the Baby Jesus’s heart.
Verdict: total agreement
3. “Do They Know Christmas” by Band Aid – This song is heinous on multiple levels. Do-gooder celebs milking emotions write a song about Africa and know nothing about Africa.
Verdict: yep
4. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey – Actually, I hate everything by Mariah Scary.
Verdict: not a fan of Ms. Carey, but I find some covers of this one appealing.
5. “The Christmas Song” made popular by Nat King Cole – You know, “Chestnuts roasting on a open fire.” Yes, I hate that one. This song could cause you to go into a sugar coma. If this song comes on, get the insulin pump ready.
Verdict: I like this one :)
6. “Mary, Did You Know?” – written by Mark Lowry and sung by anyone. Mary knew. It’s in the Bible. When people in the Bible weren’t begetting, they were prophesying. Mary knew, Joseph knew, cousin Elizabeth knew. They all knew. There is an even more special place in Hell for Pentatonix and their version. If God doesn’t hate me too much, he won’t put Pentatonix near me in our special places in Hell.
Verdict: I agree that the premise of this song is flawed, but I do like Pentatonix.
7. “Happy Xmas/War is Over” by John Lennon – as stated above political Christmas songs hurt the Baby Jesus’s heart. This one gave him colic too.
Verdict: agreed!
8. “Santa Clause Is Coming to Town” by Bruce Springsteen – I am not a Springsteen fan.
Verdict: Not a Springsteen fan either - pass.
9. “Away in a Manger” by anyone
Verdict: I like this classic.
and finally, the one I hate the most:
10. “The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth” by Bing Crosby and David Bowie – You have no idea how much I hate hating this heinous song. Could there be two better voices blending together than Bing Crosby and David Bowie? The answer is No. I don’t care for “The Little Drummer Boy” all by its lonesome. When the song is combined with “Peace on Earth”, it could induce serious mental conditions. Baby Jesus’s heart is hurt and he hates fascists. Look at the words:
Every child must be made aware
Every child must be made to care
Care enough for his fellow man
To give all the love that he can
I love this song, and this version EXCEPT the bridge totally ruins it for me, as you mention. My favorite version is the Harry Simeone Chorale. Check it out!
Worst Christmas song EVER is John Lennon’s “So This is Christmas”
What a load of liberal BS.
“...what have YOU done”
“...lets stop all the fights”
...and remember, through out the song you hear “War is over, if you want it” in the background.
So this is Christmas and what have you done
Another year over, a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas, I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones, the old and the young
A very merry Christmas and a happy new year
Let’s hope it’s a good one without any fears
And so this is Christmas for weak and for strong
The rich and the poor ones, the road is so long
And so happy Christmas for black and for white
For yellow and red ones let’s stop all the fights
A very merry Christmas and a happy new year
Let’s hope it’s a good one without any fear
And so this is Christmas and what have we done
Another year over, a new one just begun
And so happy Christmas we hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones, the old and the young
A very merry Christmas and a happy new year
Let’s hope it’s a good one without any fear
And so this is Christmas and what have we done
Another year over, a new one just begun
Some songs on your list I completely agree with. “Mary Did You Know” is not one of them. I think the Kenny Rogers and Wynonna Judd version is hauntingly beautiful. I don’t think the song is making Mary out to be a fool or being intentionally misleading in its Biblical interpretation. I think it is, rather, asking us to put ourselves, especially those of us who are parents, in Mary’s place and asking if we know the majesty of the deed and how humble it would make us feel. When I think of it that way, I can’t help but be moved. It is one of the few Christmas songs they still play on the radio that explores the real meaning of Christmas and I think that we should be grateful for that.
