Posted on 04/24/2015 7:14:10 AM PDT by cdga5for4
It happens every Monday morning in offices around the country. I'll call it the weekend recap (or the "Anything that you did I'm sure my kid did it better" debrief) and when a few youth sports dads get together the "I'll one-up-ya" can escalate faster than a Witch Creek Canyon wildfire.
If you aren't familiar with one of these conversations, consider yourself blessed. But, if you haven't been so fortunate, I must take you to the dark side. It's a magical mystery tour like no other.
(Excerpt) Read more at proscoutsports.blogspot.com ...
When the hefty hag was a supervisor of mine, every day just about there were stories of how great her stupid boy was at whatever. She must have wanted people to applaud like seals.
Speaking as a former kids’ soccer coach, I’d have to say that, while you don’t have to be crazy, it does help.
I second that as a former youth softball coach and high school football referee. What was I thinking way back then.
Parent pressure, relentless training schedule, financial constraints, travel all contribute to fatigue, stress, etc. And we pay for that!
Ice Hockey coach here. Every year I am accused by parents of holding back their kids from going to the NHL because of my own inadequacies as a former player. I need to remind them that their kids are playing house hockey in south Texas.
I used to tell parents if you are doing this to get junior a college scholarship, take the money you pay for coaches, leagues, training, privates, camps, travel, gear, etc.....and put all of in savings for his tuition.
There is an old movie with William Bendix called “Kill the Umpire” 1950 with Bendix yelling it every chance he can.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042641/
But the worst was my best friend who thought his kid was the greatest player in the world. To be brief, he wasn't the greatest player in the world.
Thankfully, I never coached his kid. But I had to listen to many years of him bragging about his kid and him trying to force me to say how great his kid was. Sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to lie.
We know a few parents like this. I know one group of parents, who knows (at least I think they know) their kid will never even play high school baseball (too small-too short), but they are still spending 3-4 thousand dollars a year on select ball and private lessons at age 12. The kid seems to love it, so if you have the money go ahead and let the kid do what he wants to do.
My child is twice the athlete that this kid is, but has no interest in playing baseball everyday. He barely shows any sports awareness at all so I just don’t push him in that area.
Yeah...you can only push a kid so far. He (or she) has to have that inner drive.
I admit I started off like this, pushing my then-young son to play t-ball, soccer and enrolling him in tae kwon do lessons...to say that he showed zero aptitude OR enthusiasm for any of it would be an understatement. I finally got the message one day when his t-ball team was taking a group picture, picture this: all the kids in their uniforms on one side with the coach and all the parents on the other side yelling, screaming and cajoling the kids to move around in order to get the best exposure in the picture. Finally the coach turned around and told us all to go stand over there by the bleachers while they took the picture, AND for the rest of the practice. If nobody else got the message, I certainly did, and my now-30-year-old son’s nascent professional sports career shortly withered on the vine, LOL
I had one situation where the kids father would yell at him from the stands. This is in practice. Him and another dad who thought their kids were going to the show would talk about my coaching style behind my back and how their kids would be better in another organization.
So, one night while they were yelling I stopped practice and told the two boys that they are off the team. They looked at me with tears in their eyes, asking why did I cut them. I told them to ask their fathers.
As a coach in a recreational program I put up with a lot of crap. Yelling at your children or coaching them from the stands was an automatic violation of the code of conduct and a meeting with the board mandatory. It got to a point where the board would tell the parent that they were not allowed in the building for either practices or games and that included games on the road.
The 24 hour rule was another that I didn’t tolerate. A dad came up to me after a game and demanded to know why his kid only played 3 minutes and 30 seconds. I told him to wait 24 hours and after he cooled down we would talk. He wanted none of it. I told him he signed a code of conduct and there would be repercussions for his behavior if he continued to pursue this. He didn’t let up.
His kid came out of the locker room, walked up to me and thanked me for not sending him to the locker room after he blew a tire early in the game. It was early in the morning and the pro shop wasn’t open. We used a sharpening tool to get the blade to a point he could skate but it wasn’t happening. He asked me if he could stay on the bench.
In front of his father I cut him and told him is father had something to tell him. It was the one time I saw a dad truly hurt to a point he was crying. I put the kid back on the team the next day and told the dad he was banned from the rink for the remainder of the season.
Last one...
I am coaching a squirt team (9/10 year olds). It is early in the season and some dads are complaining about their kids ice time. At our initial meeting I reminded them that in the contract they signed it only guaranteed ice time for practice. Ice time was at the coaches discretion. We are midway through a tough game and I look up at the stands. Not one dad is watching the game. They are writing things down. I am wondering what this is all about and after the game I asked what was going on. Dad looks at me and says with a straight face, “They are using a stop watch to see what their kids ice time is so they can get a rebate based on minutes played.”
This went on for two more weekends. I finally had enough. I called a meeting. After every game I analyze my team’s play for review purposes. This way when I meet with the players and parents I can tell them what the kids should be working on.
At the meeting first dad stands up and demands to know why his kid, who happens to be one of the better players only played a couple of shifts. “If my kid was on the ice more we would have won.” Fair enough. “Your kid is failing two classes and missed a practice this week.” Next! “My kid scored 7 goals, why did you pull him in the third period?” You promised your kid a new stick if he scored 4 goals and instead of playing for the team, he was playing for the stick. By the way, if you didn’t notice, we lost 8-7, 6 of those goals with your kid on the ice.” Next!
I then pulled what I considered my best move as a coach. I suggested we end the season right now and forfeit the rest of the games due to the fact the kids are spending more time concerned about what you think than what I am teaching them. Stop watches went bye bye and not another word was uttered from the parents the rest of the season.
Sometimes this game is more about the parents than the kids. The kids want to have juicy juice and pop tarts. The dads are searching the stands for scouts.
I know hockey has a similar flow to soccer - I coached and played indoor footy for years....even more like hockey with that continuous flow.
Always thought the yelling parents were counter to the "spirit of the game", especially at the youth level. Now pros? different deal for sure, but our youth (and most coaches) are not being paid to take that kind of abuse!
Thanks for sharing those anecdotes. Your "playing for the stick" story reminded me of a high point in my coaching career. I took a team of misfit "bad news bears" rec players, built them up over a season and took them to a local tourney (a first for them). They actually started believing they could win, and after two days we found ourselves in the final match. Came down to a double shootout. Best those lads ever played, but I'll tell you, giving them a glimpse of what they were capable of was invaluable.
Carry on Coach! Folks like you make America - invest in our next generation, build up young folks.
You are so right about parent’s not understanding their kid’s own abilities, or lack thereof. The business connected to this blog actually is a pretty interesting concept for parents to get honest feedback. What I think the company may be missing is that many parents don’t want honest feedback, although if I was a coach I’d point them in that direction.
Too many parents really don’t understand how exceptional you have to be to play at the highest levels.
Of course, many people overrated the abilities of some player just because the kid went to their school. I have a close friend who refused to believe that every great player in our city's history didn't all go to his school. Just have to laugh at most of it. It's just a sport.
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