[Sir Napsalot]

I thought the biggest mistake would be - instead of letting husband be himself, the wife alwasy tries to change him to what SHE wants him to be?

Is that nagging? I don’t think nagging covers it.

[cuban leaf]

You nailed the core issue regarding either spouse being disappointed in the other:

Men are dissapointed in their wife because she changes. She doesn’t want to have sex as much. She gains weight. She doesn’t focus on him as much. Sometimes there is real jealosy towards the kids. Can the man’s disappointment be unreasonable? You bet. But women tend to want kids like guys want a classic muscle car or big stereo. And just as a guy can ignore his wife for that stuff, many women do the same with kids.

Meanwhile...

Women are disappointed in their husband because he DOESN’T change. Way too many women see their man as raw material from which they will mold a super provider, husband and father. Are their expectations unreasonable? Often they are. All people change as they grow older, but way too many men don’t change as fast as their wives would like them to. And as the women push, the men tend to push back. That is especially true with men like me: passive agressive.

Want a marriage to last? Just make sure this is true:

She is marrying him because she wants to please him and he is marrying her because he wants to please her. It’s that simple. If only one feels that way they will end up being used. If both are in it because they think the other will make them happy, it will almost certainly end in divorce, and sooner rather than later.

I consider this a core principle. From the attitudes listed above, actions naturally follow.

[nothingnew]

I thought the biggest mistake would be - instead of letting husband be himself, the wife alwasy tries to change him to what SHE wants him to be? Is that nagging? I don’t think nagging covers it.

You have nailed it, from a twice divorced 62 year old husband, now happily married to a fine woman for 20 years. She doesn't try to change me and I don't try to change her...we are perfect..LOL

FMCDH(BITS)

[Sir Napsalot]

(What happened?) Usually within the hour I get women berating me, claiming that vice versa also holds true that men should not try to “change” their wives to be more like their mothers.