DUmmie FUnnies 08-31-12 (DUmmies Already Making Excuses For Election Loss)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | August 31, 2012 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

Well, it seems like some DUmmies have seen the handwriting on the wall and are already coming up with excuses for Obama losing in November. So what are their excuses? The usual suspects as you can see in this THREAD, "Why the Republicans could win big this year." You have seen it all before. Of course, DUmmies can never accept the REAL reason for an election loss. This is why the mental meltdown in DUmmieland in the event the Bamster loses could be monumental. The highest DUmmie meltdown ever which is really saying something. So let us watch the DUmmies line up their usual excuses in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, getting his popcorn and pizza stockpiled for election night entertainment, is in the [barackets]:

Why the Republicans could win big this year

[Diebold. Need I say more?]

Why? Through cheating of course. Conservatives could never win in a free and fair election. They know that. So they will cheat. A lot. Here's how:

[Prepare the leather restraining straps for DUmmie Glaisne on election night when he goes completely BERSERK.]

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1. Voter ID Laws. These are being pursued by many states which are designed specifically to disenfranchise students, elderly, minorities, and the poor.

[Yes, such a pity that they can't afford FREE photo ID.]

2. Purging Voter Rolls. Theses activities being pursued by such states as Florida, Texas, and Pennsylvania are using bad data and faulty pretexts to throw hundreds of thousands of legitimate voters off the voter rolls.

[Sniff! Thousands of legitimate dead votes will be purged from the voter rolls. Zombies ARISE!!!]

3. Partisan Election Officials. Too many election officials in charge of the day to day running of the election are republican operatives and party supporters. Their actions include reducing early voting and reducing hours the polls are open. They are an obstruction to free and fair elections.

[Yes, shame on them for closing the polls at the time they are legally required to do so.]

4. Direct Voter Suppression. Right wing tea bagger groups like True the Vote will be sending poll watchers to minority and poor dominated precincts with the specific aim to intimidate and interfere with voting by minorities and the poor. Other actions that will occur, especially in swing states, that have been done in the past include illegal police road blocks on roads leading to polling places, too few voting machines in democratic districts, a preponderance of broken and malfunctioning voting machines located at democratic districts.

[Perhaps we need more of those Philly Black Panthers to act as poll watchers as they did in 2008.]

5. Electronic Voting Machines. Easily hacked and manipulated proprietary electronic voting machines are owned and maintained by companies with known support for republican candidates. These machines have been proven multiple times to be easily hacked and have provided unusual and unexpected results in many races. The companies have resisted investigation by claiming their machines are proprietary, which is a problem for fair and free elections.

[Your voting machine is already set on "R."]

6. Unregulated and unlimited propaganda in campaigns through so called social welfare super pacs thanks to Citizens United.

[DAMN YOU FIRST AMENDMENT!!!]

This means even greater effort on our part to get out the vote and register new voters. Do not underestimate the other side. They are motivated, disciplined, and are cheating!

[How can they already be cheating if the vote hasn't even started yet? And now onb to the other DUmmies lining up their November excuses...]

You may be right, but we heard the same things in 2008.

[Yes, isn't it strange how all this Republican "cheating" failed so miserably that year?]

They've made HUGE STRIDES in 4 years. 10% here, 10% there -- in just one or two swing states (it's already happening in Florida and PA) . . .

[Practice makes perfect.]

Scares the bejeeezus out of me. Our side needs to be in the streets making noise about this.

[Let the flatulent eruptions begin!]

I used an interactive electoral college map the other day. If you give Romney all of the states that he hold a >5% lead and you add in PA for the Voter ID laws, Florida for the voter purge, Wisconsin for the Voter ID laws, and Ohio for the Voting Machines. This gives Rmoney 268. All he would need to do is carry Virginia or North Carolina. Some scary stuff in my opinion.

[Would you like me to send you a coupon for a FREE heavy doody Depends?]

These are all the reasons why we are no longer a Democracy...

[On November 7 we shall send you a notice on which Walmart Detention Center to report to.]

[LibLieSlayer]

No problem friend.

LLS