Posted on 03/01/2012 4:16:18 PM PST by harpu
Recently the Arlington Voice spoke with Abernathy Spivey, ICLEIPHP, of the Square Wheel Institute for Sustainable Growth and Private Property Suppression (SWISGPPS). Our report on the soon to be released Government Motors Dolt is derived from numerous sources, including Professor Spivey’s personal involvement in the car’s development and design.
Unveiled for the first time at last month’s Detroit Bike and Tricycle Show, the GM Dolt is billed as the successor to the Chevy Volt. While the Chevy Volt was promoted as the car that goes anywhere but out of the showroom, the Dolt will go even further. The Dolt answers the Volt’s critics by providing low cost reserve power that is 100% green, sustainable, renewable, and environment friendly with a mosquito in high heels-sized carbon footprint. How does the Dolt do it? GM starts with a high concept electric/natural gas hybrid engine, then adds patented ultra-torque power®.
What is ultra-torque power®? Swedish super model Greta Gotbigons demonstrated the renewable wonder. “Imagine your Dolt has run out of wind, solar, and coal generated electricity, you’re out of natural gas, too, and the nearest pond scum power station is miles away. What do you do?” purrs Greta, opening the Dolt’s only door, flipping the driver seat forward, and leaning far over with a backward wink to the media cameras. “You just take out this little ol’ key. They call it a torque key—at first I thought they meant me—and you go to the back of the Dolt where some cars have a trunk. Just stick the key in the nice little slot and turn, and turn, and turn. Soon you’re good for another ten miles assuming there aren’t any hills.”
Like the Dolt, which some people tend to trip over when using their cell phones, the torque key is small—about the size of a ping pong paddle—and doubles as a jack handle when you need to change one of the recycled sea kelp tires.
The Dolt carries 1.7 people comfortably, but can accommodate 3.5 people in a pinch.
The Dolt has an optional son roof. If you have a son under 5-years of age, you can strap him in his car seat right up on top of the Dolt. Just remember, “buckle up” is the law so be sure the car seat is properly secured. Another safety feature, invented right here in Arlington, is the De-Texter® system that will send a text to the nearest police officer should you forget that texting in your city is illegal while driving.
The Dolt’s sticker price is $102,500.20 (more with air conditioning and cup holders), but a $50,000.00 rebate under Obama’s Cash for Suckers program renders the vehicle affordable to any well-heeled tree hugger.
How much can an environmentally conscious car shopper save by buying a Dolt? After 27.3 years, the Dolt begins to earn its keep, so to speak, thereafter saving the thrifty buyer $11.7 million per year in inflation adjusted dollars.
In little over a month, orders for the Dolt have topped 20,000 including 12 ordered by the public. While the world waits for the man on the street to wake up to the Dolt’s many advantages, perspicacious federal, state and local governments are buying Dolt’s like there’s no taxpayer tomorrow, demonstrating once again that government has a real talent for picking winners and losers.
Following reports of the Volt catching fire, plans for the GM Blaze were cancelled.
Some one is reading my posts again because I keep saying, “Volts for dolts!”. LOL!!!!
There was a Dolt in a Volt last night who tailgated me closely up 17 on to RT4w then 208N(north NJ)...when he tried to pass on the right...I wound up the turbo on the WRX and didn't let him ;).
I was being held up in traffic, so it wasn't like I was putting in the left lane...when 3 cars on the right left, he whipped it over and made a run for it. He couldn't keep up. The whole time, I'm hearing the sound of the Jetson's car, heh.
Wow, its amazing what government can accomplish if the private sector gets out of the way.
The Volt, a hybrid vehicle, is said to be able to go 40 miles on one battery charge.
Oh wait, the 1911 Baker Electric from the Baker Motor Vehicle Company of Cleveland, Ohio, could go 50 miles on one battery charge.
Oopsie...never mind noone wants this lemon..not even dumb ass leftist!
Not to worry tax payers because Obama has a LOT more BIG ideas. Especially if he gets reelected.
Yipes.
This would be funny if it were not so true!
The Muslim Radical terrorist in the Oval Office wants and demands this for the Masses!
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