And here’s Obama’s defense attorney:
Jablonski: My client has recently learned that the facts of his birth are not what he believed when he was growing up. Some of the details on his birth certificate are accurate and some are not, in fact, the certificate was falsely completed by his mother, who desperately believed she had a real marriage. And while the pretend .... I mean, presumed husband did not attend the birth of the child, she still wrote his name down as the father, assuming they would have a glorious life together in Kenya ... ummm, I mean as U.S. citizens who are loyal to the U.S. We can’t take that birth certificate to be factual evidence, other than the place of birth, but the rest has no credibility, because Obama’s father didn’t know he was going to be a father ... I mean, his mother was going to tell him the next time she saw him, although they didn’t live together and he wasn’t fully aware she was having a baby or that she would claim they were married, that is until later ... and then it turned out he was already married, and when she found out three years later, after he was attending Harvard, she promptly had the marriage annulled because of bigamy ... wait, I guess she divorced because of incompatability, but she honestly thought they were married, even though she had talked to Kezia, and so, the birth certificate, well we have to understand that it is part true and part false ... and obviously this will show that Obama is conclusively a natural-born citizen and not a natural-born subject as he posted on his campaign website for the last four years ....
Hatfield puts Obama on the stand:
Hatfield: Mr. Obama ... is that your real name, or should I refer to you as Mr. Dunham???
Obama: mrrr, br, ffrrre
Hatfield: I’m sorry, I can’t understand you ...
Obama: I’m having trouble reading my teleprompter ...
Hatfield: Your name, sir??
Obama: Obama is fine.
Hatfield: And it’s your claim that your parents were not really married when you were born as your PDF shows??
Obama: Yes, that’s right. My father was already married in Kenya.
Hatfield: So this makes you a bastard???
Obama: Yes, that’s true, I’m a bastard.
Hatfield: Can we make sure this is entered properly. The defendant says he is a bastard. Sir, how do we know you’re really a bastard??
Obama: Ask anyone ... ask my wife, she’ll tell you. I’m a bastard.
Hatfield: But can you prove you’re a bastard??
Obama: It’s the truth. I’m a real, honest-to-Allah .. ummm God, bastard!! What part of “I’m a bastard” don’t you understand???
Jablonski: Objection
Malahi: Denied
Hatfield: So, Mr. Dunham ... ummmm, Obama, you claim you have a right to the office of president because you’re a bastard???
Obama: Absolutely, I’m a natural-born bastard and entitled to my position.
Hatfield: But do we have legal precedent? What other bastards have been president??
Jablonski: Objection, my client can only speak for his own condition as a bastard, not for other presidents ...
Malahi: Denied. Answer the question, bastard.
My client has recently learned...
How recently?