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Hatfield puts Obama on the stand:

Hatfield: Mr. Obama ... is that your real name, or should I refer to you as Mr. Dunham???

Obama: mrrr, br, ffrrre

Hatfield: I’m sorry, I can’t understand you ...

Obama: I’m having trouble reading my teleprompter ...

Hatfield: Your name, sir??

Obama: Obama is fine.

Hatfield: And it’s your claim that your parents were not really married when you were born as your PDF shows??

Obama: Yes, that’s right. My father was already married in Kenya.

Hatfield: So this makes you a bastard???

Obama: Yes, that’s true, I’m a bastard.

Hatfield: Can we make sure this is entered properly. The defendant says he is a bastard. Sir, how do we know you’re really a bastard??

Obama: Ask anyone ... ask my wife, she’ll tell you. I’m a bastard.

Hatfield: But can you prove you’re a bastard??

Obama: It’s the truth. I’m a real, honest-to-Allah .. ummm God, bastard!! What part of “I’m a bastard” don’t you understand???

Jablonski: Objection

Malahi: Denied

Hatfield: So, Mr. Dunham ... ummmm, Obama, you claim you have a right to the office of president because you’re a bastard???

Obama: Absolutely, I’m a natural-born bastard and entitled to my position.

Hatfield: But do we have legal precedent? What other bastards have been president??

Jablonski: Objection, my client can only speak for his own condition as a bastard, not for other presidents ...

Malahi: Denied. Answer the question, bastard.