Posted on 07/24/2011 7:31:13 AM PDT by flowerplough
“Same here, I was 17 my husband was 23. Next Dec we will have been married for 53 years. It has all been good, would not change a minute of it.”
There is simply no comparison between the maturity of someone who was 17 in the late 1950’s and today. I’m shocked at the immaturity of people in their 20’s these days-and I’m making an objective comparison. They just have no concept of living as an independent adult, responsibilities, paying bills, etc.
You put a man and a woman together, and (other things being equal), you’re going to have babies at a variety of ages. Assuming the couple are married and reasonably functional, there’s no reason a child born to an 18-year-old mother or a 45-year-old mother can’t do equally well in life.
I was a bit more energetic in my 20s, but I’m wiser and far more subtle in my 40s ;-).
One size does not fit all. After graduating from college, serving in the military, going back to college and getting my career on track, I wasn’t ready to get married until I was 31. And here is a rather interesting article on the subject:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-11-09-delayed-marriage_N.htm
The “problem” of early marriage is the misuse of statistics: there are a few studies of post-college marriage, and also studies of underage marriage. Predictably, post-college marriages are more stable than teen marriages that, more often than not, are a result of teen pregnancy. This has absolutely no bearing on whether marriages right out of high school, or “early marriages,” are stable, because there are no studies of that marriages in that age group. None. “Early marriage is doomed” is simply not factual; it is an urban legend.
My wife and I married while still in college, and are still together. We were one of those “they’ll never make it” couples, too. Early marriage is only a problem for those who don’t believe in commitment - but marriage at any age is a problem for such people.
We need to encourage marriage, period. Claiming that there is a “wrong age” to get married is just an excuse to accept “starter marriages.”
I don’t know... when you get married early you rely on each other in building lives, careers, kids, etc...
Sometimes fearing what life will be like on your own can cause you to hang in there longer than if you know you’ll just go back to how it was before. And sometimes that hanging in there through the rough times is what you need.
I think example has a lot to do with it. Among my siblings some of us married at 18, some as late as 27...all of us are in or heading into our 3rd decade of marriage, our parents made it into their 6th decade. Most of our kids married fairly young, and none have divorced.
It’s not age, it’s commitment. And can an 18 year old commit...definitely. We don’t wonder if an 18 year in the military can be commited in the service of his country.
My favorite song about marriage: Andrew Peterson...Dancing in the Minefields, I think it sums it up pretty well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtTa81LyuQM&feature=related
I suggest YOU get off your high horse. You were the one who said you couldn’t “stomach women at 40+ having children. Listen, you had a choice at a young age and I applaud you for having your babies and stepping up as a true adult. My point is that when CHOSEN, some people wait till they are a bit older to have children.
Bottom line - the military should go back to the policy of outlawing marriages for the troops till their second enlistment. Once the solider has put some time in the service and has a better understanding of how a family will be affected (along with the maturity that comes from serving your country for four years) will such issues be reduced.
We've been married for 30 years. Husband was 24 and on his second enlistment. I was 20 and on my first (and only) enlistment. Due to his deployments, we spent 5 of the first 10 years together. Later, due to employment issues, we lived apart for a couple of years. But here we are now, heading for year 31.
The main thing in making a marriage work, is that both spouses have to work at it. Without that, it doesn't matter at what age someone gets married--it will not work.
“The main thing in making a marriage work, is that both spouses have to work at it.”
Agreed. I do not believe that this is a likely condition for the vast majority of first term enlisted service members. In the interests of preserving unit readiness, first termers need to be barred from getting hitched.
I'm sorry, haven't had coffee yet so maybe I'm thud-headed, but I don't understand your comment. I don't even understand all the words in it. Hayna?
Could you explain where, or if, you derived "starter marriage" from an article that never mentioned divorce? And as for myself, I'm back from church but still in the below-the-knee skirt, and not a speck of make-up.
I missed the part about wiggling out of the woodwork.
Still need that coffee.
In conclusion, to summarize: Wha?
“We don’t wonder if an 18 year in the military can be commited in the service of his country.”
False analogy. Enlistments usually only last for four years. Once a soldier’s EAOS is reached, they’re free to go. Marriage has no EAOS.
I haven’t gone to church yet today (in my purple, sequined, ankle-length cotton skirt, lavender t-shirt from J.C. Penney, and no makeup), but I have had coffee ... so I can translate the original post, as well as the one about women having babies in their 40s, as, “The existence of people who aren’t exactly like me in every aspect of life makes me feel a little uncertain about my choices, somehow ... and so I’d better make gratuitous digs at such people at every opportunity. Ah, now I feel better!”
p.s., I love “thud-headed”! That describes some of my male family members pretty much all the time.
We were 23 and met when we were 3. Similar to your story we dated other people and found our way back to each other, even against the odds.
We have always said our marriage is the will of God in our lives and it still is. We struggled through college, grad school and law school. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it and I cannot imagine being with anyone one else.
We also still very much in love act like newlyweds which annoys our families. lol
There’s a young couple in our church. He’s 18, she’s 17, and they were married 2 days BEFORE their graduation this year.
Our pastor sat down and counseled them and made absolutely SURE that this is what they wanted.
As far as I know, they did NOT have ‘relations’ with each other until they were married. They wanted to ‘do it right’.
I wish them all the best
I cannot stomache these 40+ women with new borns.
- - - —
What a stupid and immature statement. Don’t assume it is by choice, we have had two miscarriages and dealt with health problems and we are still trying for a baby and will keep trying until I hit menopause, which would make me one of those 40+ women you can’t stomach.
Well said.
You and your spouse were taught Christian concepts of marriage. - Maybe even by example.
- - - - - -
I’m not sure that is all that important. My inlaws marriage is dysfunctional and my mother was divorced twice. If anything, seeing our parents mistakes helped our marriage - we didnt’ want what we saw by example.
OTOH, we have always put Christ first in our marriage.
Love you too, honey. <3
I’m talking commitment as a virtue. And I don’t think those young kid’s commitment in the military is lessened because they know they only have to be commited for 4 years. But I’ll agree the analogy isn’t perfect, no one even suggested the possibility of me being “killed in the line of marriage.” In that light, those military servicemen are “more” commited.
It wasn’t perfect - we were immature and hotheaded. We had children - which snapped us out of it.
We grew up together -matured together.
&&&
Amen! Once you bring children into the world, providing a good environment for them is your number one responsibility. These days, too many parents are so selfish.
Congratulations, BTW. God bless.
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