A Nation of Narcissists

The self is not something one finds; it is something one creates.
− Thomas Szasz

Narcissistic personality disorder, which is characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and the need for constant attention, has been eliminated from the new manual of mental disorders. Narcissism has become so common that it is no longer considered abnormal. But common is not the same as good, or even tolerable.

This morning I listened to the Dennis Prager Show. The subject was rude, obnoxious children and teens who didn’t say “please” or “thank you,” who didn’t flush toilets or clean up after themselves, and who cursed and talked loudly. But they were not corrected by their parents, who seemed to fear them, or by bystanders, who avoided a confrontation. So no one corrected them.

This afternoon I watched Dr. Phil, who interviewed a man addicted to plastic surgery. He had had numerous procedures and wanted to have more. But the man looked good in the “before” photo. He spent much of his income and time on his appearance.

Self-absorbed children grow into self-absorbed adults. In extreme cases, they may become addicts of plastic surgery, or perhaps even congressmen who Tweet nude photos of themselves. But in less severe cases, what kind of spouses, parents, friends, or citizens will narcissists make?

We live on a beautiful planet filled with fascinating people, in an unimaginably vast and complex universe. If the most interesting thing I can think of is myself, I have the imagination of an earthworm.

Frequently I encounter vehicles barreling down the center of the street, forcing me to pull to the right until I almost scrape the curb. I’ve given up flashing the lights or tooting the horn − people pay no attention. They may be on the phone, texting, or merely living in their own “space.”

These drivers believe that they should be the only ones on the road, and if they aren’t it is an unforgivable insult. They drive down the center of the street, even when rounding blind curves. They speed through intersections as if to say, “Look at me! I’m so important that I can afford to wreck my new BMW while I’m wrecking your piece of junk.”

These people stroll down the center of the sidewalk, forcing others to step onto the grass. They rush down the center of the hallway, forcing others to brush against the wall. They walk two or three abreast, forcing others into single file. And if others don’t move aside, they don’t avoid physical contact − but never say, “Excuse me.”

My wife and I were walking in an upscale neighborhood. A young couple came toward us. The sidewalk was narrow, so I stepped onto the grass, expecting the other couple to make room for my wife to pass on the sidewalk. But they came on as though she weren’t there, and the woman bumped my wife’s shoulder. Naturally, the woman said nothing. As a yuppie, she may have been accustomed to pushing others out of her way.

Some people seem to think that because they are doing something healthful, others must get out of their way. An older woman came towards me “exercise walking” with a two-foot length of broom handle gyrating in one hand. If I hadn’t stepped aside, I wonder whether she would have hit me rather than alter her bizarre program. The stick was too short for a walking stick, and billy clubs are illegal here, but I thought it would be useless to point this out.

I was driving though an expensive residential area and stopped to let a middle-aged man cross the street. He stopped directly in front of my car, turned his back, and began stretching exercises. I yelled, “It’s safer to exercise on the sidewalk, not with your back to traffic.” He replied, “F**k you!” and continued his routine. I had to back up before pulling around him, though the thought of driving forward crossed my mind.

Joggers and bicyclists suddenly emerge from behind parked cars and rush in front of vehicles. The safety of others, or even of themselves, seems far from their thoughts. They are doing something “healthful” to “save the planet,” and therefore believe they are exempt from traffic laws − and even from the laws of physics.

Perhaps you have had the experience of trying to grab a quick lunch and get back to work, only to be delayed while someone dithers at the counter. This person may be trying to figure out what kind of yogurt to order − as if it were a problem of such complexity that Quantum Theory seems like child’s play by comparison.

On another occasion, a yuppie couple ordered a complex concoction of yogurt, fruits, and nuts, which the single attendant worked to prepare. A line formed behind them, which could have been avoided by ordering a simple yogurt dish. After five minutes I left, but the concoction still wasn’t ready. During this time my wife had obtained a complete hot lunch elsewhere in the mall and was waiting for me. The couple were unconcerned with those waiting behind them. Their world had shrunk until it contained only themselves. And since they were doing something “healthful,” they were absolved of guilt for the inconvenience they were inflicting on others − assuming they felt any guilt in the first place.

How many narcissists, concerned with their own comfort to the exclusion of others, can exist in one place before a “critical mass” causes things to disintegrate?

● If too many people drive narcissistically, will it become too stressful and unsafe to drive at all?

● If too many people walk narcissistically, will even a walk in a residential neighborhood become too unpleasant to be worth the trouble?

● If too many people act narcissistically at fast-food shops, will people have to bring their own lunch or go hungry?

● If too many people view citizenship narcissistically, will they believe they have unlimited entitlements but no obligations?

● If too many people vote narcissistically, will society fragment into bickering factions based on race, ethnicity, gender, and class − with each one asking, “What will you do for me?”

It is no surprise that many people are narcissists. They grew up watching TV alone, using computers alone, and playing video games alone.

They saw countless magazines and TV ads praising “rock-hard abs” and a “tight butt.” They watched TV “news” reports on wrinkle removers and liposuction. They were taught to worship youth, beauty, and health, so they turn away from the old, the unbeautiful, and the disabled − or even want to get rid of them.

Their role models were self-obsessed stars, arrogant athletes, and philandering politicians. In films, John Wayne characters were replaced by adults acting like teens. Heroes were replaced by superheroes. But kids can’t emulate Spider-Man.

They were sent to the “best” schools, so they could get into the “best” universities, so they could get the “best” jobs − and make enough money to turn their own children into narcissists.

They were taught to have “self-esteem” not for what they accomplished, but merely for existing. Both winning and losing teams received trophies. But unearned self-esteem is called narcissism.

Their parents never disciplined them. Their teachers told them their purpose in life was to “find themselves.” Even their clergy (if any) taught them to feel good rather than to do good. And now psychiatrists reassure them that narcissism is normal. Where else can you get a deal like that?

How many narcissists can a nation, or a civilization, tolerate before it disintegrates? I don’t know, but before long we may find out.

Dr. Stolinsky writes on political and social issues. Contact: dstol@prodigy.net.

Thanks for the ping! I had to laugh remembering when my son was in DC doing an internship a few years ago and John Kerry ran right into him coming out of a restaurant in Georgetown. My son is just about as tall as Kerry, so he knew Kerry saw him, but Kerry didn’t say excuse me or anything. My son said he had this arrogant look on his face that made him want to punch Kerry’s lights out....LOL!

Why are so many narcissist navel gazers liberal and leftist? Could it be an unconscious reaction to so much collective/marxist thought? The shadow side of leftism? Since marxism preaches that the collective is more important than the individual...they try to distinguish/separate themselves from the collective by compulsively focusing on self. ??

On the flip side..conservatives,for the most part, believe in individualism and freedom, so therefore have less of a ‘shadow problem’ in that regard. Since we see people as individuals first and foremost..the tendency to navel gaze is not as great because we don’t feel lost in the collective mindset.

Just thinking aloud...lol.

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