You could have had the courage to address me directly.
The “Grandma’s” only child could not care for her. She has serious health problems, and knee replacements (which haven’t helped much), and was physically incapable of doing so. The son-in-law could not help (only a half doz. years younger than the mom-in-law) because he is fragile with a serious heart condition.
The grandson could not look after her because he works, and she would have been left home alone anyway.
The Grandmother choose to stay in the nursing home. She CHOSE it. I know her daughter did prefer it because it was most convenient, which I frowned on, but that was how she felt.
My husband (not married at that time) did ask his Grandmother many times if she wanted to leave there, or consider something different. She said no. When he tried to talk to his mother about it she shut him down.
So, sometimes it isn’t the whole family being mean or heartless. In fact, a lot of times it can’t be done differently - very sad - but a fact.
He visited her two to three times every week, but one thing people here may not realize. When you visit often, the changes don’t strike you. If he had gone once a month, he would probably have seen a big change in her weight or strength.
Like when my brother was dying of cancer - he got pissed at me about three weeks before he died, so I hadn’t seen him again until a week before he died. The change was SHOCKING. And don’t give me crap for letting the two weeks go by-he would get horribly worked up and couldn’t be calmed down, and I was afraid it would result in his collapse. The cancer had gone to his brain right about then, and once he got upset - it was impossible to calm him. But my oldest spent every day there and kept me informed. He was the only person my brother wouldn’t lash out at.
An elderly person losing weight slowly, slowly becoming more frail - it is very difficult to see if you visit them frequently.
Many times there is no perfect or best solution.
One problem is that those who are tasked - and paid - to be humane are not. Institutions both private and governmental have so much become larded with not just incompetance but downright viciousness and cruelty and lust for power and money.
Feeding off of our trust.
You are entirely mistaken there. I did not address you directly, precisely because I wished to exclude YOU PERSONALLY from my remarks. I do not know you personally, or anything about your circumstances, and I did not wish to appear to be attacking you personally, when you might have circumstances that completely justify your decision.
Nor do you need to explain yourself or make excuses to anyone here.