A Step Back For Troops With PTSD

Anyone that has followed my blog knows that I am passionate about helping to remove the stigma of PTS and PTSD. When I was first diagnosed (after years of denial), I still didn't really want to accept it. Honestly, I broke down into tears because now I would have to wear that label like a scarlet letter. I still had the mentality that it was a weakness.

For the benefit of those that are new to my writings, let me try and sum up for you what led to my diagnosis. I was a part of the ground assault into Iraq. From about the time I crossed the border into Iraq at 2359 on March 19, 2003, I took part in sustained and heavy combat operations. Just a few days into the war, I was injured, but ambulatory and was treated with pain medication. Part of my duties involved searching dead bodies after the battle for intelligence. I saw innocent civilians used as human shields - and killed as a result. I saw people obliterated into a cloud of red mist and chunks of meat. I saw guys that had been executed at point blank. I've had people die in my arms as I tried to save them, both friendly and enemy. I even saw puppies feasting upon the remains of dead Iraqis. I never took pictures of dead bodies if I could help it, but I did try to at least capture this particular scene without showing the gruesome details:

Bottom line is that I experienced sights and smells that no human being should ever have to experience. They will never leave me. I smell them when I'm awake and see them when I sleep. But, I started a blog to deal with those experiences in a positive way. I refused to let PTSD get the best of me and did the best to cope with in my own private way. Eventually, I could no longer hold it in. Many people around me, including my wife, were urging me to seek help for something I didn't want to admit was there.

Since 2009 when I went public about my private hell, I've worked hard to help General Chiarelli in his effort to remove the stigma of PTSD within the force. Troy and I had him on our show to talk about these efforts and for the first time, I admitted I had a problem. I vowed to seek help and did just that.

I can honestly say that the Army, at least, has made great strides in removing this stigma. There are programs all over the place that Soldiers can use to seek help. If one doesn't work, the Soldier has more than a few other options to choose from. If you ever hear a Soldier say that the Army doesn't care or doesn't do anything for PTS sufferers, he's either lying or just ignorant. I've been through numerous programs, picking pieces out of each one that helps me cope with my inner demons. Perhaps one of the best I've used is called the Strong Star program. Nothing else was helping me deal with my feelings of survivor's guilt and anxiety like this program did. Group therapy helped me get out the things that I couldn't discuss with anyone else but were eating me alive from the inside out.

The problem, as I see it, is that while the Army has done a GREAT job of removing the stigma of PTS within the force, it doesn't do much good when we are outside the sphere of influence of the Army - the civilian sector. Because of our wonderful media *snark*, there is a prevailing wisdom that PTS causes troops to go nuts, kill people, rob banks, beat their spouse, etc. That is just outright false and even if an element of truth lies in those actions, it's such a small minority as to be inconsequential. We know what we're doing. PTS and PTSD does NOT make me want to rob banks. Yeah, sometimes I get the urge to want to put a lethal stranglehold on some people, but no sufferer is so "out there" that they can't process and filter those thoughts out of their minds. We are responsible for our own actions, just not necessarily our own emotions.

OOOOps!

Scaired of being called “gay” if you have emotional problems?
............”You are a carnivore and killing comes natural to us. In fact, it sort of feels good, but you have to be careful who you tell that too since we’ve become very gay as a society.”

Guess you are still with the group that is terrified that any emotional or mental weakness must be a sign of cowardice or sexual problems. Methinks you doth protest too much!

I am glad you have no emotional problems and hope you never experience them. But if you ever do, or if any of your family has emotional or mental problems, I hope they get help from someone more helpful and compassionate than you are demonstrating now.

Wow, what a profound, articulate post.

Thank you for posting a response that was more articulate and well thought out than my angry rants at the poster.

You have put the subject in excellant perspective and presented the moral aspect of humans in an eloquent manner.

Their wives may see the symptoms, nightmares, night sweats, hypervigilance and anxiety and depression. Very often they isolate, avoid social gatherings frequently. So these type of problems are not very “obvious”. If they try to self medicate with alcohol, what you may see is an alcoholic and not “see “PTSD.

I confess that I have always thought of it as having a trip-wire temper, freaking out in a destructive fashion, etc.

Now that you explain the symptoms, and with the added info from his wife, I can see them in our friend. Especially, his tendency when just hanging out to sit sort of in a corner, arms folded tightly across his chest, with a *stone face*. We could coax him out of it, and it never happened when we were outside or doing something, but only if we went in to have a cup of coffee and sit down to talk. It was odd, but, you know how you just accept some behaviors that don’t seem self or other-destructive.

He doesn’t drink, but, like most of the 60s generation, he does inhale.

His eval ends in June. I do hope he gets something.

What a compassionate and supportive friend you are...of all the help a veteran can get, it is always family and friends that make the difference.

I am sure your friend will get a lot of help, the VA has many, many types of treatments now and overall a committment not to repeat the neglect of post Vietnam. Your friend will also be able to get support from fellow veterans in treatment....a very positive factor.

I had forgot about that post. Went and read it and started crying.
He just nicest guy. His smile and laughter were very infectious.
Still can’t believe did that. Then again what were his choices?

Continue with the meds and feel emotionally dead or hear monsters?

I actually wonder if he didn’t make the right choice. I wish to hell hadn’t and pray God forgives him.

As for that other poster, I’m certain he never experience anything more than being Bitch Slapped by his little sister.

PTSD is a cruelty that reminds us of the horrors of war.

His own father never knew his son had so many commendations and medals.

I will never forget opening that box and staring at them.

His dad wanted me to take care of them for him.

I couldn’t bear the weight of having them in my house and declined. I never saw a man cry that deeply before.

Sir, have you yet been introduced to the 501c that Army Col. Antonio Monaco founded? It is found at www.patriotoutreach.org and Col. Monaco’s free gift to all Vets, even civilian veterans of any war can be accepted in a truly anonymous fashion by being downloaded from his site. Rave reviews are coming in about it, without exaggeration. The 82nd. Airborne ordered thousands of free copies last year, I think it was, for a segment of their command headed for Afghanistan, so I was told and I heard the ordered more.
That terrorism went down at Ft. Hood, someone there heard of the colonel’s “Coping Strategies” and phoned, saying “send us all ya got” sort of thing.

God bless you and I hope you go read the colonel’s message about it, as he can explain it better than I ever could.

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