Napolitano Suggests New Homeland Security Measures For Airlines

Elective Decision ^ | 01/04/2010 | Chris Davis

[writer33]

Washington—After the recent failed terror attack, the Department Of Homeland Security and Janet Napolitano have created some new measures for airlines. These measures are designed to help raise the level of public awareness, increase safety for passengers, and reduce the possible risks of another terror attack.

The new procedures include classroom instruction for passengers flying on all international and domestic flights, removal of all underwear before going through security, and printing pamphlets for the proper procedures needed on interrogating fellow passengers. Napolitano claims that this new strategy is a “winner in the war on terror,” and that “the general public needs to step up to the plate when flying the unfriendly skies.”

[Lazamataz]

The key to effective satire, for me, is taking an existing trend and going way too far with it. This is a good example: Napolitano should be instructing TSA what to do different, but the trend was that non-TSA (the Dane) did what the TSA and Air Marshalls should have.

So, you went too far with it. You had her instructing civilians to interrogate one another. That's good. I might have even gone farther with this: "One of the more controversial guidelines is for all current passengers to frisk one another. Said Ms. Napolitano: "Stick your hands down the pants of the person next to you! Your life may depend on it!" The motto of this new initiative is "Squeeze That Junk Until It Spurts!" Several civil rights groups have taken some issue with the initiative, one hinting it might look in to the matter further."

You see? Totally outrageous. Take something that exists and go WAY too far.

[blackie]

The Baghdad butch...

[Lazamataz]

Almost, but not quite, completely satirical.

He's getting closer. PJ O'Rourke, he will never be. But he might be decent soon enough.

I'm just scared it's taking him so long. :O

[Lazamataz]

Went to a nudist beach once .....I agree with you. Up is better.

Oh dear.

I much prefer that which, in a pair, gently sway in the sunshine.

Nothing that stands up.

[writer33]

I'm just scared it's taking him so long.

Baby steps, Laz. Baby steps. :-)

[SandRat]

New attire for Scots flying direct from Edinburgh to the U.S.

[writer33]

Great picture, SR. Thanks for posting it.