Posted on 07/25/2009 10:49:06 PM PDT by smokingfrog
So, Im walking Charlie [the dog] this morning. Its not even 10 am and already its 90 degrees. I want to die but I cant complain too much because my dog is wearing a gigantic fur coat in this weather. By all accounts, he should be in an igloo somewhere so I walk in sweaty silence, awash in dog-owner guilt.
We round the corner near our house and I see a woman in the street, close to the sidewalk, waving frantically at the back of a parked car. At first, I think shes just shooing a bee very DRAMATICALLY but then I see the baby stroller behind her and the look of panic on her face. She sees me and calls out, Im being attacked by a squirrel. She tells me the squirrels been following them and actually tried to jump onto the stroller. And then she asks, Can I please borrow your dog?
I take a step forward and then I see it. Shes right. Theres a squirrel and he is NOT backing down. Hes crouched under the back of the car like a jungle cat, ready to pounce. Every time the woman took a step back, the squirrel advanced.
I look down at Charlie, unsure of how helpful hell be in this situation. If the situation had called for Lying Down, my dog would be on it.
If the situation went to the tune of Do Nothing, I would volunteer him in a heartbeat. But barking? No. Squirrel-chasing? Yeah, no. Unlike every other dog in America, Charlie could care less about squirrels. Hes more of a rabbit person (we have a ton of rogue rabbits in my Chicago neighborhood.)
So, Im standing there, regretting not getting a psychotic lab, who wouldve been annoying in every other facet of my life but GREAT in this one specific scenario, when Charlie jumps into action. He runs at the squirrel, who flees for like a second. The squirrel tries another direction, STILL ADVANCING ON THE STROLLER, and Charlie, my hero, blocks his path.
This squirrel will NOT give up. It runs up a tree and I think weve got it on the ropes so I turn to the woman and tell her she should take the baby and keep walking. Well hold him off. I actually said that. Well hold him off. Who am I, John Wayne? And also, Id like to point out the absurdity of my 60 lb dog and my full-bodied human self, roughly 210 pounds of mammal force, who stood between this baby and this squirrel and yet if the squirrel had charged, I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULDVE DONE. Thrown Charlie at it? Thrown my arms out and waved, screeching? Seriously, what do you do?
We start walking and the squirrel FOLLOWS US. Except its taken to the trees, a standard guerilla warfare tactic in the war of squirrel versus baby. And its making this grunting noise. Was it in heat? Was it trying to mate with the stroller? Was it rabid? Now the woman and her baby and me and Charlie are speed-walking down this street and the squirrel is, well, hes GAINING on us. I have never been hunted by an animal before and let me tell you something- it does not feel GOOD.
Finally, the woman reaches her house, calls out thank you and whisks her baby inside faster than I could blink. I dont blame her because the squirrel climbs up the tree across from her house and is staring after them. I wouldve taken a picture of it but I did not want to incur its wrath. This was the Sean Penn of squirrels and I was the paparazzi. Who knows what he would do to my phone?
Charlie and I keep walking and the squirrel stays behind, laying in wait in front of the womans house. I feel a flash of pity for them, holed up in there while a monster animal stakes them out, just waiting for them to slip up so he could have that stroller all to himself. Seriously, what do you do against an overly aggressive squirrel? So far Google has not been helpful in this question, which is kind of ridiculous. I mean, squirrels are EVERYWHERE.
What if theyre planning a takeover? HOW DO WE TAKE THEM DOWN?
*Or, ok, so my dog did. But Id like to think I sent him some kind of telepathic signal to defend us all.
Wow, that’s a lot of provender.
Enough to attract wild boars, come to think of it.
This story had nothing to do with the keyword Banglist
I think I'm covered...:)
“IT’S BACON!!!”
ROFLMAO!
[good one]....;D
Squirrels ARE berserk, just by nature....;-D
Oh, good grief! This story is just nuts!
That’s because squirrels are so small, they rarely survive being bitten by a rabid animal and die in the attack. That’s my hypothesis anyway.
You’re exactly right.
Small mammals don’t often survive the initial attack to actually become rabid.
Even so: animals with furious (aggressive - as opposed to dumb rabies where animals become lethargic, and dopey)) rabies wouldn’t advance/retreat/advance/retreat.. they’d attack. Period. Squirrels can be very bossy anyway :)
I’ve had calls where I’ve pried squirrels off the sidewalls of tires or other inanimate objects, attacking them - but they didn’t have rabies, they had distemper, which is far more common in small mammals, and has symptoms that are often confused with rabies.
I’d say this squirrel was hand fed by well-meaning humans, lost all fear, and now has become an (albeit healthy) nuisance of the more dangerous variety - dependent upon people.
I’m a nuisance wildlife operator. I’ve seen the results of people feeding the cute little wild animals often enough.. sad, but funny article anyway. Glad baby wasn’t hurt.
A high quality air gun is excellent for rodent control, and you can use it in your back yard or other places where a regular firearm would not be allowed. I know air guns don’t actually go bang, but what the heck.
Thats a great story. LOL!
After all, where does the expression ‘getting squirrelly’ come from?
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