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This Morning I Saved a Baby from an Angry Squirrel
Creme de la mode ^ | July 24, 2009 | Judi

Posted on 07/25/2009 10:49:06 PM PDT by smokingfrog

So, I’m walking Charlie [the dog] this morning. It’s not even 10 am and already it’s 90 degrees. I want to die but I can’t complain too much because my dog is wearing a gigantic fur coat in this weather. By all accounts, he should be in an igloo somewhere so I walk in sweaty silence, awash in dog-owner guilt.

We round the corner near our house and I see a woman in the street, close to the sidewalk, waving frantically at the back of a parked car. At first, I think she’s just shooing a bee very DRAMATICALLY but then I see the baby stroller behind her and the look of panic on her face. She sees me and calls out, “I’m being attacked by a squirrel.” She tells me the squirrel’s been following them and actually tried to jump onto the stroller. And then she asks, “Can I please borrow your dog?”

I take a step forward and then I see it. She’s right. There’s a squirrel and he is NOT backing down. He’s crouched under the back of the car like a jungle cat, ready to pounce. Every time the woman took a step back, the squirrel advanced.

I look down at Charlie, unsure of how helpful he’ll be in this situation. If the situation had called for Lying Down, my dog would be on it.

If the situation went to the tune of Do Nothing, I would volunteer him in a heartbeat. But barking? No. Squirrel-chasing? Yeah, no. Unlike every other dog in America, Charlie could care less about squirrels. He’s more of a rabbit person (we have a ton of rogue rabbits in my Chicago neighborhood.)

So, I’m standing there, regretting not getting a psychotic lab, who would’ve been annoying in every other facet of my life but GREAT in this one specific scenario, when Charlie jumps into action. He runs at the squirrel, who flees for like a second. The squirrel tries another direction, STILL ADVANCING ON THE STROLLER, and Charlie, my hero, blocks his path.

This squirrel will NOT give up. It runs up a tree and I think we’ve got it on the ropes so I turn to the woman and tell her she should take the baby and keep walking. “We’ll hold him off.” I actually said that. “We’ll hold him off.” Who am I, John Wayne? And also, I’d like to point out the absurdity of my 60 lb dog and my full-bodied human self, roughly 210 pounds of mammal force, who stood between this baby and this squirrel and yet if the squirrel had charged, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WOULD’VE DONE. Thrown Charlie at it? Thrown my arms out and waved, screeching? Seriously, what do you do?

We start walking and the squirrel FOLLOWS US. Except it’s taken to the trees, a standard guerilla warfare tactic in the war of squirrel versus baby. And it’s making this grunting noise. Was it in heat? Was it trying to mate with the stroller? Was it rabid? Now the woman and her baby and me and Charlie are speed-walking down this street and the squirrel is, well, he’s GAINING on us. I have never been hunted by an animal before and let me tell you something- it does not feel GOOD.

Finally, the woman reaches her house, calls out “thank you” and whisks her baby inside faster than I could blink. I don’t blame her because the squirrel climbs up the tree across from her house and is staring after them. I would’ve taken a picture of it but I did not want to incur its wrath. This was the Sean Penn of squirrels and I was the paparazzi. Who knows what he would do to my phone?

Charlie and I keep walking and the squirrel stays behind, laying in wait in front of the woman’s house. I feel a flash of pity for them, holed up in there while a monster animal stakes them out, just waiting for them to slip up so he could have that stroller all to himself. Seriously, what do you do against an overly aggressive squirrel? So far Google has not been helpful in this question, which is kind of ridiculous. I mean, squirrels are EVERYWHERE.

What if they’re planning a takeover? HOW DO WE TAKE THEM DOWN?

*Or, ok, so my dog did. But I’d like to think I sent him some kind of telepathic signal to defend us all.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: banglist; dogs
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To: smokingfrog
“We’ll hold him off.” I actually said that. “We’ll hold him off.” Who am I, John Wayne?

This story is laugh-out-loud funny! < :D

21 posted on 07/25/2009 11:48:09 PM PDT by my_pointy_head_is_sharp (Only dead fish go with the flow. -- Sarah Palin)
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To: Jen
Don't try to be a hero.

Nobody needs to get hurt.

22 posted on 07/26/2009 12:01:57 AM PDT by smokingfrog (No man's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session. I AM JIM THOMPSON)
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To: smokingfrog

Sunflower seeds


23 posted on 07/26/2009 12:07:55 AM PDT by Domangart (editor and publisher)
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To: jwparkerjr
Anyone?

Here ya go:

Rabid Squirrel case

24 posted on 07/26/2009 1:08:37 AM PDT by Swordmaker (remember, the proper pronunciation of IE is "AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!)
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To: smokingfrog

I am a pretty good shot with a hunting slingshot. It uses surgical tubing. All I shoot with it are marbles. I do not like to use anything lead. Marbles would take care of a squirrel.

Of course, I only shoot the leaves off of trees myself.
I can usually hit the leaf if it is within 15 or twenty yards. So... with practice, more than just a little, you could probably have put the squirrel out of its misery. A firearm is noisy and would violate almost every criminal code in this country.


25 posted on 07/26/2009 1:25:09 AM PDT by 2ndClassCitizen (Squirrels really like peanut butter. Like heroin is to an addict.)
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To: Impy

HIGHLY doubtful.

http://rabies.emedtv.com/rabies/rabies-and-squirrels.html

As someone else wrote, they are ~very~ territorial and possessive and there was probably something visual or an odor about the women or child that it found “threatening”.

This deer made the mistake of encroaching upon this squirrel’s food source.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRBVh8ZPUyg

The “grunt” is a classic squirrel warning call.

Don’t have a clue what “set it off” but something about them did.

They are also scary smart.

A young one shows up in my maple trees in front of the picture window every morning at dawn with the sole purpose of intentionally playing in the branches and provoking my dogs into apoplectic fits.

It knows it’s untouchable and this is some sort of “game” to it.

If it hears the back door open, it vanishes up onto the roof of the house where the dogs can’t see it or get to it.


26 posted on 07/26/2009 1:55:51 AM PDT by Salamander (Cursed with Second Sight.)
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To: smokingfrog
They're organizing!
27 posted on 07/26/2009 1:58:04 AM PDT by BigCinBigD ('When a man believes that any stick will do, he at once picks up a boomerang,')
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To: smokingfrog
This is like a bad M. Night Shyamalan movie. (As if there were any other kind)
28 posted on 07/26/2009 2:00:15 AM PDT by BigCinBigD ('When a man believes that any stick will do, he at once picks up a boomerang,')
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To: smokingfrog

29 posted on 07/26/2009 2:05:05 AM PDT by SIDENET ("Join me or die. Can you do any less?" -Mr. Sparkle)
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To: jwparkerjr; shibumi

You are correct.

Even if one *did* survive the attack of a rabid animal, their metabolisms are *so* high that the virus would -quickly- incapacitate them and kill them.

They’d be in no shape to be “stalking and attacking” anything else.

The idiots in the local city park killed ‘all the rabid squirrels’ one year due to the complaint of one hysterical woman.

She claimed it was “aggressive and repeatedly ran at her” as she sat on a park bench.

They *all* did that because they were used to people feeding them the peanuts the park *sold* for that very purpose and encouraged the feeding, thereof and the squirrel was frustrated that she had no nuts.

[no entendre’ intended....maybe]

One year, before they banned dogs in the park, a surly squirrel jumped up on my knee, screeching...with my Doberman sitting right there with me.

I’d shove it off...it’d jump back on.

Finally I gave up and bought it some peanuts.

It watched me open the cello package and very gently took them from my hand and ran up a tree.

They have mastered the art of blackmail, apparently.


30 posted on 07/26/2009 2:06:56 AM PDT by Salamander (Cursed with Second Sight.)
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To: Impy

She had peanuts in the stroller? I’ve never heard of a rabid squirrel.


31 posted on 07/26/2009 3:36:34 AM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink)
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To: smokingfrog

Was the baby’s name Veruca Salt?


32 posted on 07/26/2009 3:46:18 AM PDT by edpc (01010111 01010100 01000110 00111111)
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To: PLMerite

Rocky isn’t going to take this very well.


33 posted on 07/26/2009 4:29:19 AM PDT by Vaduz
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To: BigCinBigD
This is like a bad M. Night Shyamalan movie.

More suspense than his others.

:^)

34 posted on 07/26/2009 4:41:54 AM PDT by Vinnie (You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Jihads You)
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To: edpc

I was thinking Damien?


35 posted on 07/26/2009 6:45:57 AM PDT by burnitup
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To: smokingfrog

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1060580/posts

Another squirrel classic.


36 posted on 07/26/2009 6:59:27 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: Vinnie
“More suspense than his others”

Maybe they are alien water proof squirrel's who live in a remote village where the chick who hangs out in the pool sees dead people?

37 posted on 07/26/2009 7:16:42 AM PDT by BigCinBigD ('When a man believes that any stick will do, he at once picks up a boomerang,')
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To: free me

If not rabies, then what?

Do they sometimes just go berserk—like in the Ray Stevens song?


38 posted on 07/26/2009 7:21:15 AM PDT by sinanju
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To: Salamander

The Discovery Channel did have an hilarious episode about the near-impossibility of designing a squirrel-proof bird feeder.

Their ability to defeat any and all countermeasures was something to behold.


39 posted on 07/26/2009 7:24:37 AM PDT by sinanju
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To: sinanju

I saw that!

One of my favorite episodes, ever!
They also did one on the unbelievable ingenuity of crows.

I gave up the battle long ago and feed the squirrels their own food so that the birds will get to eat ~theirs~...:)

It helps a lot that my place is absolutely inundated with black walnut, hazel nut, chestnut, beech, maple and oak trees.

Nobody goes hungry.


40 posted on 07/26/2009 8:07:25 AM PDT by Salamander (Cursed with Second Sight.)
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