Posted on 05/30/2009 12:13:46 PM PDT by buccaneer81
THE RULES OF RURAL N.B. ARE AS FOLLOWS
Listen up City Slickers & out of province Tourists
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 tractors.
6. So every person in Rural NB waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah we eat beans & brown bread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. NHL and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Leafs and Habs, and more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Canadian Forces. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
20. 2 inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades and Tractors with Snow Blowers will have you out the next day.
A true New Brunswicker will send this on!!!
I live at the opposite end of the Appalachians, in Southwest Virginia, and we have pretty much the same rules. I’ve been to New Brunswick several times - - great place; I remember at St. Andrews there’s an old post-Revolutionary War fort with the cannons still trained on the U.S. NB may need those yet, eh?
There are a lot of 19th-century forts on both sides of the border, primarily because post-1812 there was a LOT of distrust. There are forts on opposite sides of the Niagara with cannon facing each other. About halfway between Toronto and Montreal there's Fort Henry, built by the British shortly after the War of 1812 as a deterrent to American mischief on Lake Ontario.
“American mischief on Lake Ontario.” Boy, those were the good old days.
I DO like it, and thanks for the ping. It very well describes my life in Vermont. Except there’s a boatload more liberal sissies (and less hockey players and hookers)per capita in Vermont.
I'll never see another fiddlehead without thinking of Nelson Plourde, a guy I worked with who came from the logging territory of Maine. I never thought of ferns as a food until he shared some fiddleheads with me. Great guy, I hope he's well, considering he had a snickers and a coke for coffee break every day.
LOL!
Words to live by!
You’ll love it!
:-)
Now that's a true Northern Maine, Western NB name if there ever was one.
Now THAT’S a true back-woodsman if I ever heard of one!
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