Posted on 05/11/2009 8:42:44 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative
How do you know you are shopping in Texas? This video is pretty dang funny.
(Excerpt) Read more at notoriouslyconservative.com ...
In Texas, we can tell the sound between a perfume bottle opening and an .38 round being fired.
I like happy endings.
talk about unsafe handling. Sheesh.
Here's some more fun Texas Facts
You have ever rebuilt a motor in the Pep Boys parking lot.
Every time someone sees your car the first thing they say is "what happened to the paint?"
You know how to get more than 3 baby seats into a sedan.
Your idea of cruise control involves a Cinder Block.
You have washed your entire car with a gas station squeegee.
You've ever ridden on a luggage rack. (hold muy beer!)
You've ever listed "Fuzzy Dice" on an insurance claim.
Your wife thinks you drive a CH V O ET.
You've held the hood of your car open with your head while you worked on the engine.
None of the four tires on your truck are the same brand.
You blow your nose and check the oil with the same rag but not in that order.
You have more tools in your floorboard than in your toolbox.
You've found that your truck gets 15 miles more to the gallon because you cleaned the trash out of it.
You've ever had to help get a Camaro out of a tree; you've ever been at least partially responsible for it being in a tree.
Your kids can sketch Richard Petty from memory.
You have ever ran car parts through the dishwasher.
You keep a chainsaw in the trunk--"just in case."
The most effective form of advertisement for you is painted on the side of a car that is making left turns at 200MPH.
You can't remember your wife or kids' birthdays, but you know the date of every NASCAR event and who placed in the top 10 of each race and in what order.
You think the NASDAQ 400 is a French stock car race.
You've ever had a conversation about "truck tires" that lasted more than an hour.
Doing yard work involves calling a tow truck.
You've ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your own vehicle.
You can't remember the color of you car's carpet because of all the fast-food wrappers.
You have ever broken a speed limit in reverse.
You've ever waited in line for 5 hours to see something jump over school buses.
You've ever used the words "I didn't know it was loaded" in an insurance claim.
Your tools are worth more than your car.
You neighbors call 911 every time you grill.
Your family business requires a "look out".
The nicest restaurant you've ever eaten at has Skeeball.
You have ever been afraid to strike a match in the bathroom after you used it.
You are familiar with Copenhagen, but have never heard of Denmark.
You've tightened more screws with your fingernail than with a screwdriver.
Your High School class voted you "most likely to return fire".
Every conversation you have ever had with a cop involved a megaphone.
The last time you picked up trash you were supervised by a guy with a shotgun and you were chained to two other people.
Your dinner was breathing just 4 hours before you ate it.
The only tree you've ever seen at Christmas has a deer stand in it.
Your bass boat has ever been involved in a police chase.
How do you shop in Dallas?
At 70 MPH! LOL...
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Really..., you drive along the freeways and shop as you drive along. All the store signs are pointed out to the freeways and you pull off when you see the store you want. Then you get back on the freeway and drive along again, until you see the next store.... LOL...
The stores line the freeways for miles and miles, continuously.
“You’ve ever had to help get a Camaro out of a tree; you’ve ever been at least partially responsible for it being in a tree. “
Errr... actually had to do that, once. Same weekend I pulled a semi out of a river.
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