A posibility if we continue on the present course? (a sci fi short- HUMOR)

4-21-2009 | Jammz

[Jammz]

In a galaxy far far away (ok, maybe not that far away) a long time ago (or maybe in the future)...

We join our hero, the president of the United States (or what's left of them) being briefed by the Secretary of State and Secretary of Defense

Pres: So what's the status on the war?

State Sec: All is good Sir, our battle casualties are getting the best care possible under the new health system. I would like us to try and find something more powerful than sending ACORN accross the border to try and persuade them to come back to the union.

Pres: That's awesome, but are we winning and what do you suggest?

Def Sec: Um, Sir, define winning?

Pres: You know, are we beating the bad guys?

Def Sec: Yes sir, we've won all the votes in all the remaining states.

Pres: Ok, but how are the combat statistics?

Def Sec: Oh that? Well, of the remaining 12 states, no more have seceded from the Union and are holding steadfast, however Texas keeps threatening to take over Florida with their armed civilians. Also, Alaska is threatening to take over California, but we think that Chavez has our back as long as we promise to buy more oil from him. Also...

Pres: Hmm, have we started arming our civilians yet?

State Sec: Arming them? Sir, that would be illegal!

Pres: What do you mean illegal, can't we draft them all? Isn't that what conscription is all about?

State Sec: No sir, we can't, don't you remember? You abolished the draft and civilians aren't allowed to possess firearms, let alone the ammunition!

Def Sec: Well Sir, I do have some good news. Your allies in the middle east and North Korea willing to send over several thousand of their "elite" forces to help you out.

Pres: Well that's a plus I guess

Def Sec: Yes sir!

State Sec: Absolutely, they said that they'd impliment sharia law in all the lands they conquer and they've promised to give it back once the war's over.

Pres: Excellent, we can trust them, right?

State Sec: Of course! They've never done anything wrong before!

Pres: Ok, so just curious, how are our ammunition supplies holding out.

Def Sec: Ammunition? Well, we still have CNN, MSNBC and the other major networks and most of the newspapers.

Pres: I meant the ammo you fire out of weapons.

Def Sec: Oh that, well, umm, we still have the 20 million rounds that we had from before the war started.

Pres: We've not fired a single shot?

Def Sec: Yes Sir! That is absolutely correct!!

Pres: Why not?

Def Sec: Umm, do you remember all the right wing extremists we exiled to "The other United States of America"?

Pres: Yeah and?

Def Sec: Ermmm, we haven't been able to raise a new miliatry yet.

Pres: Why not?

State Sec: Well, our remaining population is too busy trying to repopulate the remaining United States but the homosexuals are able to conceive and the heterosexuals are having abortions.

Pres: What about the cloning program?

State Sec: I meant to talk to you about that last week

Pres: Ok and?

State Sec: Well all the eggs and sperm went to the stem cell projects

Pres: Well, hell, this is not looking good. Is there anything else I need to know?

Def Sec: Yes sir, and I regret to have to inform you that Mexico is demanding our surrender.

Pres: What?

Def Sec: The mexi...

Pres: Shut up

State Sec: I recommend we surrender to the Texans instead.

Pres: Oh yeah? Why's that?

Def Sec: They promised they'd give us a fair trial.

Pres: Do you believe them?

State Sec: Of course not, they are conservative and anti-socialist but we may have no other option. I'm just worried because I don't speak spanish!

Pres: Can I resign yet?

[ETL]

To Serve Man
Writer: Rod Serling, based on the story by Damon Knight
Director: Richard L. Bare

Apparently benign alien emissaries show mankind how to end the misery of war, plague and famine. The Kanamits, nine-foot tall aliens, arrive on Earth with one lofty goal: To Serve Man. They end war, they end famine. They make the military wonder: what's the catch?

CAST: Richard Kiel, Hardie Albright, Robert Tafur, Lloyd Bochner, Lomax Study, Theodore Marcuse, Susan Cummings, Nelson Olmstead.

Watch it, or any other TZ episode, online for free at:
http://www.cbs.com/classics/the_twilight_zone/

See season 3, page 1. there are 3 seasons in all, each seasons page has 2 pages of listings.
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[GeronL]

lol.

I like it