Beam me to Planet Gore !
Lookout baby BOOMERS! They're coming for you next! We all know what comes with old age!
Methane gas has increased 150% in the atmosphere since the mid 1700’s. (During the same time period, carbon dioxide has increased only 30 %.) A gram of methane gas has more than 25 times as much greenhouse gas impact as a gram carbon dioxide. As many know, flatulence, “farts,” are composed almost entirely of methane gas.
Therefore, Al Gore has developed a new program to combat this obviously increasing peril to our planet, and make a little money for himself at the same time.
It is called Fat Al’s Recycle Technology (F. A. R. T.).
Everyone will be required to wear a “F.A.R.T. meter,” (Cost $75, available only from Al Gore) which will record and automatically transmit to a new government agency (the Federal Automatic Recording Technology Department, The FART Dept.) the occasion of each fart and the volume thereof.
For an additional fee of $4,500, interested parties can purchase a fart capture device (available only from Al Gore). This 25 pound device can be conveniently worn under the special clothing available also from Al Gore in attractive shades of brown.
When full, the interested consumer can present his fart capture device to Al Gore’s recycling center, where for a fee of $0.10 per fart, the captured farts will be recycled into the US natural gas distribution system. Al Gore also will receive a modest fee of only $0.015 per fart for the energy content of the gas.
The interested consumer will also receive “fart credits” for the number of farts he recycles. These “fart credits” can be traded to other consumers, who elected not to purchase a fart capture device, through Al Gore’s Fart Trading Exchange. Al Gore will extract only a small commission of $0.01 per fart for each trade.
All Consumers will be required to be “fart neutral” by a “Cap and Trade” regulation, administered by the new FART Department.
Legislation is being developed as we speak, by the concerned Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, and her erstwhile compatriot in the Senate, Harry Reid.
Get ahead of the mandated stampede to control this growing threat to our planet. Get you fart capture device now.
Simply contact Al Gore and follow his instructions.
Imagine this “Congress’” poll numbers when the idiots in this country figure out that the politicians just created a tax on farts. LOL! I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!!
Oh this stupid story. I thought this was about Rosie or Oprah.
The real problem here is not that the cost of food will go up. It will be the initial affect on a farmer who has to come up with a large chunk of money to pay his tax. I can’t imagine small farmers paying more in tax then they can hope to make in the next year in profit (since the price of product won’t rise until later, perhaps a year maybe two). That won’t happen. Instead they will sell off their animals for whatever a flooded market will pay.
The large farming corp will profit...the small farmers will go out of business.
The real cost of this will show up in a year or two down the road, when the number of livestock in the US is greatly diminished. The final affect will be massively higher food prices coupled with a less efficient farming system (small farmers replaced by corporations).
It ia an absolutely nonsensical idea. We could ask what the tax would be on other animals, (like bison for one)and what formula would be applied to determine this. Will the states that hold buffalo have to spend tax dollars to pay this new kind of gas tax? Actually it is as sinister as it is nonsensical. It is nothing but anothe mechanism to bleed American business.
The EPA should be abolished. Radical environmentalist in that agency use its power to advance their cause. The Endangered Species Act serves the same purpose.
With the election of Barack Obama the majority of voters decided that he will be good for America. In fact he is committred to stripping the wealth of this nation from its citizens and stripping the right to own property from the American people.
It is going to happen and we have a nation full of dumbed down nitwits who will blindly allow freedom to become a thing of the past. It has been a gradual process and the educational systems have had decades to produce citizens stupid enough to be swindled this way.
I hope Dear Leader will allow us to raise a couple of rabbits for food.
Certainly!
The day they tax my animals, or come to tag or micro-ship them, immediately becomes, ‘Butcherin’ Day.’
I’ll even kill ‘em in front of the sonsabitches. That should be good for a laugh, LOL! Livestock? WHAT livestock? Alls I’ve got is these dead chickens, Officer!
Lather. Rinse. Repeat. (That’ll keep my freezer full!)
This is just bizarre. How will taxing livestock reduce these emissions? It is not like we can trade a high methane cow in for one that has lower emissions. Even if we could, it does not appear that the EPA cares.
Of course, it also destroys privacy because now we must have compliance reporting by each livestock owner.
First they came for the cows; next they’ll come for the pigs.
Goverment just taxes the crap out of everything!