Posted on 12/19/2008 4:30:43 PM PST by Extremely Extreme Extremist
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
AN INVESTMENT BANK
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the s--t out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
A POLISH CORPORATION
What are cows?
MEXICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
They are located in Ciudad Juarez
They somehow cross the U.S./Mexico border
You cross into the border and claim both the land and cows
The cows receive U.S. taxpayer benefits for the milk they produce, while the milk goes back to Mexican residents
AN ISLAMIC CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You commit suicide
Because Islamic law forbids you being associated with cows
BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
And DAYUM....do they got "back"...
CANADIAN CORPORATION
Eh...you have two cows
Dis too cold to produce melk from these eh cows
Yet's jus sell dem to da yoooesss....
AFRICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
They are both thin and sick
You ask the world to send you more cows
The despotic dictator takes the cows to feed himself and his army
and throw the bones and skin to the starving masses
while television crews demand that the West "do something"...
REDNECK OWNERS
You have two cows.
You and your buddies tip them over at night
And use them in the county fair
SUBURBAN OWNERS
You have two cows
They make a great stand for you widescreen TV
REPUBLICAN COWS
You have two cows
You donate them to charity because...
DEMOCRAT CORPORATION
..Democrats complained of unfairness, and demanded that Republicans share their cows
So they did, and Republicans apologized for it, now Republicans are out of business while the Democrats' cows are prosperous from gov't subsidies
LIBERTARIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
Grazing on hemp
You have armed guards protecting them
And a PRIVATE PROPERTY sign around them
GREEN PARTY CORPORATION
You HAD two cows
You are growing tofu plants instead
Because cows contribute to global warming
And the McDonald's corporation
Two Pings for later
Two Pings for later
Brilliant.
If I had two cows, and gave one to my neighbor, that would be CHARITY, not socialism.
I’d redo the Iraqi one to:
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
You had two cows.
You used those cows on your own people.
You claimed you didn’t have cows anymore but wouldn’t let anyone look.
You were given every chance to prove you had no cows but refused.
Just before the cow inspector came, you sent a bunch of cattle carrying trucks to a neighboring country. The inspector saw you but did not know what was inside.
The inspector forced his way in to your farm and found no cows but did find all kinds of plans for them.
The left claims Iraq never had cows and it was all a lie chanting “No blood for bovine!”
(Media reports on the cow search fail to report on the 400 or so pre-gulfwar cows that were found as they were no longer milkable)
BTTT
Right. Socialism is when you have two cows and the government TAKES one and gives it to your neighbor.
Love it!
Perfect end to a FRiday.
Thanks for that.
Cheers,
knewshound
That is very hilarious.
AN AMERICAN AUTO COMPANY
You have two cows.
You get milk from them for awhile, get a bunch more, then retire most to relax in the pasture.
The company runs to Uncle Sam for a bailout to help feed their growing pasture of cows.
For a moment, I thought this could have been the start of a Debbie Stabmenow post........but I digress.......
0bama: “I love cow pies!”
BUMP
“and gave one to my neighbor, that would be CHARITY, not socialism.”
No, after the president elect is signed in that will be just “sharing the wealth around”.
Excellent but one minor adjustment:
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
You petition the government for regress and receive bailout funds for 50 cows. You purchase one cow then send the board members overseas to a spa to relax.
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