Beam me to Planet Gore !
Posted on 05/25/2008 6:30:29 PM PDT by Ge0ffrey
(Washington, DC) Former Vice President Al Gore made tsunami-size waves in a wide-ranging and controversial interview broadcast yesterday on National Public Radio.
In his rambling remarks, Gore linked global warming to a disparate series of events ranging in size and destructive scope from the recent Typhoon in Burma killing tens of thousands, to the trend toward dry air under the capitol dome that has wrecked havoc on Hillary Clinton’s nasal passages.
Regarding the recent typhoon in Burma, Gore stated: “It’s… important to note that the emerging consensus among the climate scientists is that even though any individual storm can’t be linked singularly to global warming — we’ve always had hurricanes — nevertheless, the trend toward more Category 5 storms, the larger ones, and the trend toward stronger and more destructive storms appears to be linked to global warming.”
Regarding Hillary Clinton’s recent bout with dry nasal passages, Gore stated: “Even though the dry nose of a single individual can’t be linked to global warming – after all, many people suffer from dry nose — yet, the obvious trend toward more dry noses, even scabrous nasal passages, appears to be linked to global warming.”
Regarding the 7.9 Earthquake that rocked China last week, killing, at last count, more than 70,000, Gore stated: “I think that the emerging consensus among geologists is that even though individual earthquake like the China quake can’t be linked directly to global warming — we’ve always had earthquakes after all — however, the trend toward more earthquakes, the kind that knock you off your feet, and the trend toward stronger and deadlier earthquakes appears to be linked to global warming.”
The euthanasia of Eight Bells at this year’s Preakness saw Gore at his most animated: “There’s an emerging consensus among sportscasters, among jockeys, gosh, even among the most spirited racehorse fans, that even though any individual broken ankle can’t be linked singularly to global warming — we’ve always had horses put down at the end or even during horse races — nevertheless, the trend toward more viscous tracks, the trend toward stickier and more destructive racetracks appears to be linked to global warming.”
Gore voice flattened in his discussion about Barack Obama, although in-studio observers noted his repeated sighs which were not readily detectable to the radio listener. “I’ve noted and I’ll note again that the emerging consensus among the political observers is that even though any individual remark by Obama can’t be linked singularly to global warming — we’ve always had politicians say the wrong thing [here Gore laughed] — nevertheless, the trend toward more of these kind of remarks by Obama – that he’d negotiate directly with Iran or Venezuela, and the trend toward more outrageous and more self-destructive remarks as the election nears appears to be linked to global warming.”
Reflecting on the dolphin collision at Sea World in Orlando, Florida last month that left 30-year old Sharkey dead after bumping snouts midair with a second dolphin caused Gore to wipe his eyes mid-reflection. “There’s an emerging consensus among zoologists and naturalists across the globe that even though any individual dolphin collision can’t be linked singularly to global warming — I’m sure we’ve had dolphin collision before, but that’s beside the point — nevertheless, the trend toward more collisions, the trend toward more frequent and more deadly dolphin collisions appears to be linked to global warming.”
This is a joke right? No one can possibly be this deranged.
Remember, we're talking about Al Gore here.
Okay, I don't want this guy ANYWHERE NEAR the V.P. slot or the White House. Has he actually placed an ophthalmology object up Hillary's nose to check the passages himself? What a complete lunatic and buffoon!
My big carbon-footprint in Al’s @ss.
My English teacher would have called this a Run On sentence. My biology teacher would have called this ridiculous, My science teacher would have called this BullSH^!. He needs to go away.
How many Nobel Prizes do your precious teachers have, buddy?
Inaccurate, though essentially accurate.
Tipper, I feel for you, you are a pretty good lookin gal, but lady, your man has some problems.
Tipper, I feel for you, you are a pretty good lookin gal, but lady, your man has some problems.
The word is "wreaked," Mr. Webster.
Try to imagine the mess we’d be in if this ass clown had gained the Presidency in 2001.
It’s enough to make an atheist believe in God,yes?
Here’s another story from this website:
http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/09/29/hillary-insures-her-piano-legs/
It’s all satire.
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