Posted on 07/14/2007 10:34:49 PM PDT by Choose Ye This Day
Fear Not, America, For I Have Deigned To Lead You
My Fellow Americans:
Today, our nation stands at a crossroads. The direction we take from this point forward is critical for us, and for future generations. Some of the roads we can take may now look like scenic shortcuts, but may lead to long term peril. Other roads may seem covered in potholes, but may in fact lead us to the bright promise of a roadside Stuckey's with clean, well-lit restrooms. The stakes are high, and it is important that we have the right leadership behind the wheel to avoid the geopolitical speed traps and navigate our way to a delicious future of pecan logs for all.
That is why I have taken the first step towards announcing my candidacy for the 2008 presidential campaign. I have officially formed an exploratory committee to advise me on this important decision. This blue ribbon panel includes a number of distinguished public service veterans, including Chuck Helbertson, Supervisor of the Cedar County Pool Maintenance Department, and my brother-in-law Steve Lehr, a part-time Driver's Education professional in the Dubuque public school system and defending Late Model Modifieds champion at Eddyville Speedway.
I have not taken this decision lightly. When considering a run for public office, the first thing a candidate must ask himself is: what can I, as newly elected public servant, expect to get out of this deal? I have researched this question thoroughly, and believe me: being President is a pretty sweet gig. Not only does it pay 400 large, it has plenty of perks including "three hots and a cot," and the world's most fearsome military force at my disposal.
The second thing a candidate must ask is: am I qualified for the position? Let's look at the facts. First, I am a native-born citizen of the United States. Second, I am over 35 years old. Third, I have never had a felony conviction stick beyond the appeals court. And Mister, if that's good enough for the Constitution of the United States, then that's good enough for me. Google it.
The third thing a candidate must ask is: once elected, what can I do for the voters to keep them off my back, so I can enjoy all those badass job perks? The answer here is "plenty." Just take a gander at the Dave Burge Platform:
Foreign Policy
With our nation facing challenges from extremists and madmen around the globe, Americans are asking serious questions of the presidential field. Questions like, "does this candidate have the mature, thoughtful, and sober judgment to lead us through the threats that confront us?" And, "if necessary, is this candidate capable of doubling down on the crazy stakes to scare our enemies sh**less?"
Ask anyone who knows, and they will tell you: when sober, Dave Burge has the mature, thoughtful judgement called for in 50 to 60% of foreign policy situations. These same people will also tell you that after eight or ten Jager shots, all bets are off. And let this be a notice to America's enemies: President Dave ain't gonna put no padlock on the Oval Office liquor cabinet.
Immigration
We are a nation of immigrants. But whether our ancestors came here through Ellis Island, the Bering Straits Ice Bridge or by intergalactic transporter beam, we must face the fact that our current immigration system is broken. As President, I will make securing the border my top priority. Unfortunately, the Congress has been slow to approve funding for fences and other barriers to illegal immigration. That's why I have proposed wacky Roadrunner-style misdirection signs along the border that read "ESTADOS UNIDOS -- THIS WAY." Hopefully, this will totally confuse illegal border hoppers and their "coyotes," and they will stay up in Canada where they belong.
For illegal immigrants already in the United States, I have proposed a detailed system to screen for citizenship eligibility. Terrorists, convicted felons, prisoners, and Cub pitchers with earned run averages above 6.00 will be immediately deported to their countries of origin. Others will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, such as Salma Hayek, who is encouraged to call President Dave to schedule a private White House citizenship evaluation. Rrrrrowwwrrr.
[Excerpt]
I'm tired of waiting for Fred! Here's a candidate I can get behind!
ping
We’re right behind you—mostly making faces behind your back, but still...
Good luck!
Can the hawk cook?, and do the boo-ga-loo?
If I'm votin' there better be a good reason.
And then there’s this....
War politics
Sunday, July 15, 2007
After reading that al-Qaida has reconstituted itself since 9/11 (”Al-Qaida regains strength,” July 12 and PghTrib.com), I am wondering what our government agencies have been doing for the last six years.
A lot of money and lives have been expended and for what? Apparently, our intelligence services are useless as well as our political leadership. All I see is Democrats and Republicans alike caring only for their political careers and self-image.
A good example of this lack of leadership is Congressman John Murtha, who accused Marines of cold-blooded murder in Haditha, Iraq, before an investigation was completed.
Now that the investigation has dropped charges against some of the accused Marines, will Rep. Murtha be man enough to apologize to the men he falsely accused or will he slink under a rock like Pelosi, Reid, Kennedy and the other cowardly slugs who will do whatever they can to see this nation fall?
I suggest that all of these political hacks put their egos aside and do something to defeat the menace facing this nation. Quit playing politics and unleash the power of our military might and quit worrying what the rest of the world thinks.
The survival of this nation may very well depend on a united front. Remember what Abraham Lincoln said: “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”
LJohn T. Watson
North Huntingdon
Images and text copyright © 2007 by The Tribune-Review Publishing Co.
Reproduction or reuse prohibited without written consent from PghTrib.com
And another...
Maybe we should just all run for President...
..................................................
7/15/2007
Canonsburg
In war, the goal should be victory
Aside from some fluctuations in the number of explosions, of casualties, and occasional news about the capture of a bad guy or two, the daily media reports from Iraq are always frustratingly the same. There never seems to be any significant progress toward the objective of victory!
If memory serves, June 23 was the anniversary of the American victory on Okinawa. Admittedly, the cost in military and civilian casualties for three months (not years) of bloody fighting was high, but the mission of winning was accomplished. And history remembers a certain U.S. general (the kind needed in Iraq) who shortened the war by sweeping across Europe. But then, that was the time when battles and war were won by generals who understood that there were no substitutes for victory.
Yes, war is unavoidably hell for military and civilians, but, from my studies of history, I remember that battles and wars were won by pulverizing the adversary’s infrastructure and strongholds, and by totally destroying his ability to fight, certainly not by pandering to inept politicians on both sides of the conflict, friend or foe!
Hans E. Leumann
Washington
LOL! Sounds like he's qualified to me!
Glad to see some of the local people writing letters regarding Fat Jack Murtha and their support of the war.
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