I may take you up on that and, as time allows, get to work on my MAGNUM OPITT, so that it's done by May 12 . . .
THE DAY WHEN EVERYONE FINALLY STOOD UP NEXT TO A PITT!
Posted on 04/26/2007 5:45:54 AM PDT by PJ-Comix
Hey. Since you’re in warehouse management, I might have an opening if my DUmmie FUnnies T-shirt sales take off.
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
... but... but... what if I don' wanna molest small, defenseless young schoolgirls, dammit -- ?!?
...and wait for the Inca monkey god to dictate a Pitt essay. Then, all you need to do is translate it from his simple but beautiful language.
(With apologies to Scott Adams)
Pitt's reply would be effective in and of itself, in much the same way as this example.
Oh, PJ. Trying to capture the magic that is Pitt, the length and breadth and heighth and width of Pittiana in its many manifestations over the long and tumultuous history of DUmmieland, as chronicled here in the DUmmie FUnnies, to imbibe the essence of Pitt deep into one’s soul, so that the “I” key on one’s keyboard is worn down like the dancepad in Wee Willie’s lonely garret, and to call that forth here on this singular thread, much less into a single post of however many thousands of words, which, ironically, may mean writing only one or two typically Pittian sentences, this is a task of such breathtaking stupendidity that it would take the breath of away of any lesser poster other than someone as talented as I.
I’ll take that as an essay contest entry. Remember no limitations on the number of entries.
You can also do an entry as if Pitt is ordering ice cream. The reason that comes to mind is a friend of mine used to drive me NUTS with his complete indeciveness. Once he tried to order ice cream and went into an overlong analysis of the various flavors and then just when I thought he made a decision, reversed himself and then went on a long discourse on the other flavors. The kid at the ice cream shop was still waiting patiently for him to FINALLY make his order after about 5 minutes of this. He probably went on for a lot longer but I walked out since I couldn’t take it any longer.
I don’t know if I can get that drunk and stupid.
I may take you up on that and, as time allows, get to work on my MAGNUM OPITT, so that it's done by May 12 . . .
THE DAY WHEN EVERYONE FINALLY STOOD UP NEXT TO A PITT!
Everybody's talkin' 'bout me
I don't hear a word they're sayin'
Only the hands held on my ears
People mock and laughin'
I can't see their faces
'Specially in case I disappear
I'm goin' where I stand with Sheehan
In a roadside ditch
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes
Headin' off to my happy place
Even if in my mind
And skippin' over the dancepad in my home
I I I I Me Me Me Me, because of ME, thanks to ME, I I I I, forbearance of ME, Me Me Me, not you, Me, I I, Me, Myself...
Shoot. Only 969,999 to go. Guess I'll have to use 'copy and paste.'
Just to get clarity on the rules, is Pitt, himself, an involuntary entrant to the contest? This would mean we would have to out-Pitt Pitt. If so, it will be impossible to stay within the 100,000 word limit. It may also require longer than the period of time left to sufficiently pickle my brain. What amazes me is that Pitt can consume so much beer, and yet create these mammouth posts. You would think frequent breaks to pee would slow him down. I guess that is where he separates himself from mere mortals.
BOUNCER FROM NEW ORLEANS
Tune: "City of New Orleans"
Writing 'bout a bouncer from New Orleans,
Plenty of Pitt--ain't no one I love more!
Pass the made-up facts in with the twaddle,
Full of Will's rambling speech galore.
Mid the grunts of barroom bouncers
And the sounds from here in Cheers,
Still my brilliance echoes through the rooms!
DUmmies with their minds asleep
Are buying all the crap I sweep--
This yarn's got the scent of certain barnyard fumes!
Good making DUmmieland my barroom!
Don't you know me, I'm so full of it!
I'm the guy who uses bouncers from New Orleans,
I'll be gone five hundred lines 'cause I'm Willie Pitt!
SELF-RECANTED EVENING
Tune: "Some Enchanted Evening"
Self-recanted evening,
When you see the flip-flops,
You may see where Pitt stops
Across the DUmmieland.
And somehow you know,
You know even then,
That sometime you'll see him
Recant once again.
Self-aggrandized weaving,
Bloviating windbag,
Going where the wind blows,
Not knowing where to stand.
He'll write to the left--
That's left to go right--
Will's so busy dancing,
He can't sleep at night.
Who can explain Pitt?
Who can tell you why?
Will gives two versions,
Neither one can fly.
Some fantastic FReeping!
Someone may be laughing,
You may hear the laughing
Among the DUFU fans.
And night after night,
When we go to bed,
That sound is our laughter--
Will Pitt's in our thread!
Once we have DUFUed
Will Pitt's swing and miss,
Then he'll discover
He can't recant this!
MAKE ME KNOWN, COUNTRY ROAD
Tune: "Take Me Home, Country Roads"
Almost hades, Crawford Texas
Bush Ranch protest, Sheehan doin' talk shows
Press is out there, underneath the tree
Lookin' for some talkers, might as well be me
Country road, make me known
To the place I belong
Guest opinion, TV pundit
Make me known, country road
All my DUmmies rally round me
Mindless, lazy, looking for a leader
Read my bloggings, written on the fly
Boring waste of bandwidth, glazing of the eye
Country road, make me known
To the place I belong
Guest opinion, TV pundit
Make me known, country road
I wear a hat, in the mirror I see Eastwood
The ladies on DU think I'm hot when I pose
But sweatin' in the sun I get the feelin'
That I should have worn some lighter clothes, lighter clothes
Country road, make me known
To the place I belong
Guest opinion, TV pundit
Make me known, country road
Make me known, country road
Make me known, country road . . .
And the sequel . . .
MAKE ME KNOWN, RANDI RHODES
Tune: "Take Me Home, Country Roads"
Almost radio, Air America
On with Randi, chance to go on with her
I can talk there, talkin' to my peeps
Wow them with my brilliance, put them all to sleep
Randi Rhodes, make me known
To the place I belong
Air America, my own talk show
Make me known, Randi Rhodes
Almost seven list'ners call in
Loyal DUmmies, stranger than your neighbors
Now they hear me, magic on the mike
Rabid barkin' moonbats, just the kind I like
Randi Rhodes, make me known
To the place I belong
Air America, my own talk show
Make me known, Randi Rhodes
They hear my voice, on the phone lines they all call me
The radio reminds me that my foll'wing is big
And sittin' at the mike I get the feelin'
That I should have my own high-paid gig, high-paid gig
Randi Rhodes, make me known
To the place I belong
Air America, my own talk show
Make me known, Randi Rhodes
Make me known, Randi Rhodes
Make me known, Randi Rhodes. . .
Magic Man, Magic Man
Does whatever a DUmmie can
Spins a yarn, any size
Catches DUpes with his lies
Truth Out! Here comes the Magic Man
Is he DUmb? Listen, bud
Hoaxmas fell on him with a thud
Can he flame at his foes?
Read it on Daily Kos
Truth Out! Here comes the Magic Man!
In the Pitt of night
Booze goes straight to his head
Looking for a fight
He tells Skinner "drop dead"!
Magic Man, Magic Man
Friendly neighborhood Magic Man
To him, life is all freudenschade
Wherever there's bulldada
You'll find the Magic Man!
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