[N. Theknow]

And in the news tonight, a group of Christian terrorists have taken an entire school hostage and are threatening to baptize the entire student body.

The situation has taken a dramatic turn for the worse with threats to force the hostages to their knees and feed them wafers and wine.

And this just in; in a last ditch effort to appease the ultra-right-wing-fundamentalist-Bible-thumpers, the school principal has offered to read a catechism over the school's PA system.

[bolobaby]

...you left out:

"The justice department has called in an expert to handle the case. Veteran law enforcement pro Janet Reno has already called for tanks and firebombs..."