Posted on 02/24/2007 7:26:01 PM PST by Cannoneer No. 4
The other day Cannoneer No. 4 called me, as he usually does. He tries to call me once a day to reassure me that he is doing fine. While we were talking I kept hearing Boom! Boom! This happens every now and then from the GIs blowing up stuff (EOD Controlled Detonation — #4) so over the years of hearing from him I have learned to ignore them (not really, I just don’t freak out like I use to!) Stuff happens and the GIs have to blow it up!
Well, while we were talking the noise got louder, then I hear people yelling “In coming!” and Cannoneer telling me, “Baby, I have to go we’re getting blown up.” As he was hanging up I could hear people running, stuff falling and sirens whaling. The phone goes dead! God! I’m so scared! What do I do? I prayed, that was the first thing I did. I lit candles, that was the second thing I did. Third I collapsed on a chair and tried very hard to keep the ” bad” things from running rampant in my head, no use there here, is he dead? Is he hurt? God? What do I do if my baby dies? I can’t think like this. OK! He’s alright I know he’s alright, OK, breathe, breathe, in, out, in, out, deep breathe my puppy is looking scared he keeps trying to lick my tears away. I will not break down I will not break down. OK! Deep breathe, now, he’s fine. I would know some how I would know if he was hurt or dead, and I don’t feel that he’s hurt or dead, God? what do I do? I can’t live with out him! this hurts to bad. I cry trying very hard to keep my wits about me, thinking My sweetie is fine I know he’s fine we can handle this, if he hurt I will just nurse him back that’s all “Please God, take care of my baby, I can’t live without him” I keep saying this over and over in my head! All the things that can go wrong have gone through my head is he hurt, legs blown off, arms blown off, does he have a gut wound every imaginable horrible thing that could happen to him has gone through my head, but I fight the bad thoughts I know he’s fine, he’s just trying to get to his men and make sure they are safe. Then he has to go call HQ and tell them all men are accounted for he’s fine, he’s fine, I know he’s fine! I’m so scared I will lose him. OK! I can do this repeat after me He’s fine! So this mantra goes through my head the remainder of the time it takes him to call me back. 25 minutes have passed. The phone rings, it’s my special ring tone for him! He’s alright!!! I answer, I hear, “I’m fine my men are fine can’t talk right now. Stop worrying I’m alive. I love you, got to go Bye Baby!”. Phone goes dead again but this time I just sit and cry! Relief folds all over me. I was worried for nothing, again.
This is the 4th time I have gone through this hell! And each time I worry like crazy, then minutes, hours or even weeks later I hear from him. The first time this happened it took almost a week for him to call me back , the second time hours and the third days now this time 25 minutes. After about 30 minutes I calm down and go take a shower to wash all the badness off me. That’s how I cleanse myself of all the bad things I have to deal with from time to time. Each day I light candles and pray for my husband and my sons who are in harms way.
This how I handle my fear of what could happen to the men I love.
Each family does something to live with the fear of losing their loved ones. It’s very scary, but my guy is happy to be there and doing what he feels is good and right to keep our world free from the crazies who would love to come to middle America and blow the hell out of it. They would love to kill little Mrs. America and her children to put fear in all our hearts so we can’t function and get on with our work and keep our economy running. The bad guys would love it if we all were going through what I went through every second of everyday. I go through it, so someone else does not have too. I know it sounds silly or crazy but those few minutes of total terror I experienced meant that some one else did not have to do it. And I would go through that god awful terror again if I knew no one else would have to do go through it.
I’m so scared that the MSM is belittling what our guys and gals do to keep them and all of us free from the crazies. The Left-wing nuts keep going on and on about how Bush lied about______, fill in the blank, you name it its Bush’s fault. What they don’t seem to understand is that if our guys weren’t doing this hard, very lonely job, we here in the States would be fighting the crazies in our front yards, in our malls and in our schools.
This is the reason I called only once every 2-4 weeks. The more contact I have back home the more 'normal' everything felt. I didn't want her to worry every minute, and if something did go bad, I felt like it could be because I didn't have my head fully in the game.
I think my wife understood, I never really talked about it when I got back.
He'll be fine, and thank you for your sacrifices. Keep those homefires burning bright.
Cannoneer and Cannonette - that was a powerful piece from someone right in the middle of the battle. Thank God you are safe. Never forget that you have MANY people praying for each of you and that truly appreciate all that you both are going through!
Don't watch any news if you can avoid it. If you have to watch TV for news, Fox News is the lesser of all the evils, IMHO. Plenty of good sources for fair and balanced news on the internet.
Try to learn where your Marine is and what he does. A Fobbit (somebody who never goes outside the wire, like me) aboard Taqaddum is safer than he would be at Pendleton. No alcohol and no motorcycles. On the other hand, a rifleman on some Combat Outpost or a CH-46 crewman or a Humvee gunner on Main Supply Route Mobile is earning every dime. The particular type of unit he is in and his Military Occupational Specialty can give you some clues, if you know how to interpret them, but every Marine is a rifleman and a file clerk can be reassigned as a road warrior pretty quick.
Understand that Iraq is a big place, and Anbar Province is the biggest province in Iraq, so bad things can can be reported happening in a place far away from where your son is, and he might not even hear about them.
God bless you and your family. The troops and their families are in our continual prayers.
She writes almost as good as you. ;-)
Stay safe, for Cannonette and us. We think of you often.
How'd you get back? Doesn't matter what I do I can't seem to get back through the system!
If you're a TQ I have a 'brother' there and a very good friend that used to work for me at another site.
We used to think that the area down on the lake by the ROWPUs would be a great BBQ/party area with that view on the lake and all.
thanks for the ping
Thanks for your sacrifice for others.
You are definitely among those who know, "freedom isn't free".
God bless you and keep you... strength, comfort and prayers for all the brave and their families.
I got back with another company.
They need to set up a beach down by the ROWPU, with paddle boats and jet skis. They could mount M240's on the life guard tower.
I was over there this morning to get my Pajero dispatched.
Freepmail me about your bro.
A co-worker of mine, his nephew, a Marine, was in Fallujah and was wounded. After that he was deployed to A-stan right on the A-Stan/Paki border by the Wuristan (sp) Province. It's so tough on families waiting at home, wondering at home how our Troopers are doing, so far away.
It surely is. These warriors are simply precious in my eyes. They serve with honor.
Belated thanks for the links to the milblogs, fellas.
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