The President's Secret IMs: More Bush & Blair Raw & Uncut

Puffington Host ^ | 7/18/06 | Danielle Crittendon

[Defiant]

Hey, I can't vouch for the authenticity of this, but it sounds real. The NYT National Secrets Department supposedly intercepted this confidential IM conversation between Blair and Bush, and posted it on the web. Here it is:

Chat with Sxybritguy10
4:01 a.m.

Kickass43: yo tone
Kickass43: u there bud?

Sxybritguy10: just got 2 my desk
Sxybritguy10: wot r u doing up???

Kickass43: man im so jet laggd from st. pete
Kickass43: wuz up @ 3
Kickass43: cdnt evn rowz barney 4 a walk
Kickass43: he's like: dude. its 2 erly evn 4 dogs
Kickass43: so ran 10k on tha tredmill
Kickass43: 8 my weeties
Kickass43: now waitin 4 staff 2 roll in
Kickass43: cant buleev I beat dick 2 tha offis
Kickass43: he gets in @ like 5
Kickass43: tho sumtimes thats cuz he sleeps here

Sxybritguy10: ?!

Kickass43: tru
Kickass43: u kno how his chin these days is like permently attachd 2 his chest?
Kickass43: like hes holdin sum invisble napkin...
Kickass43: or its stuk there w/velcro...
Kickass43: evn when he talks?

Sxybritguy10: yeh

Kickass43: & u cant alwys tell tha difrens wen hes lissenin or dozin off?

Sxybritguy10: yeh...?

Kickass43: so sumtimes wen they lock up @ nite...
Kickass43: they leave im @ his desk...
Kickass43: cuz they think he's jus slumpd ther watchin fox on his offis TV
Kickass43: they don't kno hes ASLEEP

Sxybritguy10: duznt lynne wrry?
Sxybritguy10: wen he duznt come home as it wer?

Kickass43: nah
Kickass43: she thinx hes gon off 2 sum *undisclosd locashun* agen
Kickass43: u kno--2 relax

Sxybritguy10: o

Kickass43: so wat u thinka G8?
Kickass43: we had no time 4 r ushul * post-game *
Kickass43: pooty ran me outta town @ 2:30
Kickass43: tho man I wuz glad 2 go
Kickass43: HATE thos confrenses
Kickass43: bla bla bla * globl warmin * bla bla bla * us's falt *
Kickass43: bla bla bla * civl war in irak * bla bla bla * us's falt *
Kickass43: bla bla bla * oil price$ * bla bla bla * us's falt *
Kickass43: thank god 4 tha isralis!!
Kickass43: finlly we had sumthing intrestin 2 talk bout...
Kickass43: & it wuznt R falt!!

Sxybritguy10: agree ttlly
Sxybritguy10: thot hwvr this wus embarrassin 2 say the least

Kickass43: im so pissd bout that
Kickass43: like who knew tha mike wuz on??
Kickass43: @ least they got tha PG vershun

Sxybritguy10: I took sum flak 4 it
Sxybritguy10: ushull fleet st bunk
Sxybritguy10: " bush & blair all cozy "
Sxybritguy10: that sort of rot

Kickass43: dude I AM cozy thanx 2 that sweter u gav me!

Sxybritguy10: ha ha
Sxybritguy10: they also took the piss out of u 4 callin assad * bashad *

Kickass43: bttr than wat I ushully call im

Sxybritguy10: closer 2 *bastard * I spose...
Sxybritguy10: or *badass *

Kickass43: uh that wd still b tha PG vershun

Sxybritguy10: I mssd sylvio this yr

Kickass43: I kno it man
Kickass43: & his " translaturs "
Kickass43: euro code 4 "hot chicks"
Kickass43: wats that nu dudes name agen?

Sxybritguy10: romano prodi?

Kickass43: italian 4 BOR.ING.
Kickass43: man I didn't KNO italians cd b that boring!
Kickass43: im like hi-5 dude
Kickass43: congrats on tha wrld cup!
Kickass43: give im a hed-butt
Kickass43: u kno--frendly like
Kickass43: he stiffns like a stachoo
Kickass43: starts goin on bout sum problem w/tha euro...

Sxybritguy10: the trade thingy?

Kickass43: bingo
Kickass43: im stuk there till estoban walks up...

Sxybritguy10: estoban?

Kickass43: harper!

Sxybritguy10: ah
Sxybritguy10: ur new cdn bf
Sxybritguy10: bit dull I thot
Sxybritguy10: not as dull as romano...
Sxybritguy10: don't get me rong
Sxybritguy10: but not exactly "monsieur par-tay"

Kickass43: estoban?
Kickass43: dull?!

Sxybritguy10: sry
Sxybritguy10: just telling u wot I think

Kickass43: k so hes no partay animl
Kickass43: cant chug em like chretien
Kickass43: (man who cd?!)
Kickass43: but dude 4 a cdn he's wild!

Sxybritguy10: "wild?"

Kickass43: did u c how he dissd pooty?!

Sxybritguy10: fraid I missd that one

Kickass43: his speech!
Kickass43: he gets up & sez: we're a big country yadda yadda
Kickass43: jus like rusha yadda yadda
Kickass43: lotsa oil etc. etc.
Kickass43: then--pow!
Kickass43: he sez jus cuz cda is a big cuntry w/ol duznt mean he's gotta go bully ppl...
Kickass43: u can still b a demcracy
Kickass43: im hootin "go 4 it steve-o!"
Kickass43: pooty gets that look on his face...
Kickass43: its almost french...
Kickass43: like chiracs when u fart...
Kickass43: "ahll pretend ah deednt hear dat"
Kickass43: estoban dull? NOT
Kickass43:least not 4 a cdn

Sxybritguy10: ill hav 2 take ur wrd 4 it

Kickass43: u do that

Sxybritguy10: srsly wot r we gna do bout this israeli business?

Kickass43: u mean this * lebaneez * bizness...
Kickass43: this * syrian * bizness...
Kickass43: this * iranian * bizness...

Sxybritguy10: foin
Sxbritguy10: this "middle east " business

Kickass43: wat u mean * do bout it * ?

Sxybritguy10: I mean r u onside w/our UN peacekeeping forces idea in s. lebanon?
Sxybritguy10: condi likes it

Kickass43: uh rite
Kickass43: so duz coffee anan...
Kickass43: & the froggies...
Kickass43: like wats rong w/this picshur?

Sxybritguy10: fraid im not following u

Kickass43: trik question:
Kickass43: wen do un peacekeeprs acshully manaj 2 keep the peace?

Sxybritguy10: foin
Sxybritguy10: I kno u don't like the UN but...

Kickass43: answr: NVR

Sxybritguy10: I think this time we cd actually bring 2gether a multinational force...

Kickass43: coffee luvs tha idea so we stop lookin @ his corrupshun & go bak to dissin Israel...

Sxybritguy10: that cd conceivably bring about stability 2 the region...

Kickass43: tha french luv it cuz theyr french
Kickass43: "lets get up a girlee fors in tite uniforms 2 hang out wiz zee arabs..."
Kickass43: "let someone else pay for eet..."
Kickass43: " & zat way we can blame everyone else when eet goez rong"

Sxybritguy10: & 2 b frank we--that is u & I--don't need another "popular" mddle east war on r hands
Sxybritguy10: as it wer

Kickass43: its not gna b on r hands bud

Sxybritguy10: wot makes u so shur?

Kickass43: dude it's tha ISRALIS
Kickass43: not tha haf-ass frikkin iraqi police
Kickass43: if we stand bak they mite acshully WIN
Kickass43: BONUS PT: they take out hezbola & hamas 4 GD
Kickass43: & mayb if we hit tha frikkin jackpot they take out syria 2!!
Kickass43: that wd scare the effin shit outta tha iranians bttr than r "angry lttrs"
Kickass43: r "thret of sancshuns"
Kickass43: & r girlie UN troops

Sxybritguy10: so ur saying we shd do nothing?!

Kickass43: rite
Kickass43: jus sit bak & pop open a beer
Kickass43: sry
Kickass43: *pint *
Kickass43: enjoy tha sho

Sxybritguy10: shurely u don't believe that

Kickass43: dude when ur team's winnin u don't go in & pull tha coach
Kickass43: if it makes u feel bttr we can let tha isralis wipe tha floor wit em...
Kickass43: then go in & giv tha lebaneez ppl a prize 4 being gd sports
Kickass43: like they do in lttle league
Kickass43: xept in this case it will cost us mayb a coupla billion...
Kickass43: 2 rbuild tha infrastrucshur etc...
Kickass43: of tha nu free & democrtic lebanon...
Kickass43: & syria
Kickass43: that's still cheapr than war
Kickass43: & IT WONT B R FALT!!

Sxybritguy10: u may actually have a point
Sxybritguy10: I'll have to think about it of course...

Kickass43: take ur time

Sxybritguy10: must rush off now

Kickass43: hey bud?
Kickass43: b4 u go...

Sxybritguy10: ?

Kickass43: ull b bak @ G8 nxt yr rite?
Kickass43: cuz itd b a TTL DRAG if u wernt ther

Sxybritguy10: wdnt miss it

Kickass43: sweet

Sxybritguy10: honey

Kickass43: ttyl

Sxybritguy10: ta

Kickass43 has left the chat.

[Defiant]

Never thought I'd post something from Puffington, but this is hysterically funny. Mods, if the ban on Puffington is absolute, then you go ahead and pull this, but I think this is worthy of an exception.

[Darkwolf377]

I'm starting to understand why her husband went gay.

[Incorrigible]

This is absolutely hilarious!

[Jaded]

Thnx 4 tha laf!

[Incorrigible]

You guys would like this.

[Enterprise]

Puffho bump

[Not A Snowbird]

I can't read that IM stuff without getting brain damage. Screen names are funny, though!

[pipecorp]

Kickass43: pooty gets that look on his face...
Kickass43: its almost french...
Kickass43: like chiracs when u fart...


its bldy funy

[RushCrush]

Some of the funniest stuff I've read in a long time....

Kickass43: that wd scare the effin shit outta tha iranians bttr than r "angry lttrs"

[laissez- faire]

Good stuff

[Defiant]

I think this one slipped under the radar at PuffHO. They are so humorless they don't realize this is good, conservative stuff. I bet if they see we posted it, Danielle gets some nasty feedback.

[Defiant]

Kickass43: trik question:
Kickass43: wen do un peacekeeprs acshully manaj 2 keep the peace?

Sxybritguy10: foin
Sxybritguy10: I kno u don't like the UN but...

Kickass43: answr: NVR

[Defiant]

This lady who writes this stuff is really, really funny. Check this one out: kickass43 and bubba.

What's also funny is the comments. The Huffpo readers DO NOT LIKE THIS STUFF. I think she's either a very good mole or is ready to switch to our side.

[Defiant]

I just figured out why these pieces are hysterical and make conservatives laugh--the writer is--keep it to yourself--conservative. Here's her bio:

Bio: Danielle Crittenden Danielle Crittenden is the author of What our Mothers Didn't Tell Us and the recent Washington novel, Amanda Bright @ Home. She is married to former presidential speechwriter David Frum, and lives in D.C. with their three children. You can email her at Danielle@daniellecrittenden.com.

Dude, she's David Frum's wife. The guy who coined "axis of evil". I hope I haven't outed her to the PuffHos, they'll get rid of her right quick.

[MinorityRepublican]

Haha this is real funny