Well, you put your finger on it there. I find that (some) men don't really worry about whether a woman is happy. They worry about whether THEY are happy. I remember at least one ex who only straightened up as I was packing to leave, suddenly he was ready to do anything. I can't tell you how it disgusted me to know that he knew I was unhappy for 2 years and just argued with me about how changing things would make HIM less happy (well, no kidding, housework makes everyone less happy.) But once he realized I was leaving, okay, fine, I'll change. I kept packing. I don't want to be with someone who really, deep down, doesn't care that I'm miserable, only cares that he's maintaining the maximum comfort level for himself. But perhaps that's just the kind of men I've gotten involved with.
Additionally, perhaps being less of "a perfect lady" might be productive. A lot of times guys need more than a ladylike hint before we absorb the situation. What often happens is hints go right over our pointy little heads. You have to tell us very explicitly. After smacking us over the head with a crowbar to ensure you have our complete attention
As far as motivating guys to do chores, being un-ladylike in another way is also useful. Most guys will go for a deal like "You do 3 hours of housework, and I'll do an hour of fulfilling the sexual fantasy of your choice". Generally speaking, guys who get laid frequently (as in several times per week) tend to be very agreeable people