It all comes down to communication. You have to speak up and say "I'm doing A, B, and C around here. What I want from you in exchange is X, Y, and Z". He'll come back with "Well, you're not taking into account that Im doing #, ##, and ###", you come back with "I'd rather have X, Y, and Z", and around it goes.
It will wind up with you getting what you want, or him moving out. Or maybe you discovering that you could be doing something different in order to make keeping you happy valuable enough to him.
Well, you put your finger on it there. I find that (some) men don't really worry about whether a woman is happy. They worry about whether THEY are happy. I remember at least one ex who only straightened up as I was packing to leave, suddenly he was ready to do anything. I can't tell you how it disgusted me to know that he knew I was unhappy for 2 years and just argued with me about how changing things would make HIM less happy (well, no kidding, housework makes everyone less happy.) But once he realized I was leaving, okay, fine, I'll change. I kept packing. I don't want to be with someone who really, deep down, doesn't care that I'm miserable, only cares that he's maintaining the maximum comfort level for himself. But perhaps that's just the kind of men I've gotten involved with.