Mankind for
Ethical
Animal
Treatment
Posted on 02/18/2006 7:32:19 PM PST by B4Ranch
Happy Cows
As someone who has owned and appreciated cattle for 40 years I am gratified that so many people are also concerned about the mental state of cows these days.
Not long ago People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) sued the California Milk Board for proclaiming in their ads that their milk came from “happy cows”. PETA pleaded in court (unsuccessfully) that milk cows could not possibly be happy because they lived their lives in mud and dirt, were repeatedly impregnated and milked throughout their pregnancies. PETA said it was inconceivable that cows could ever be happy with such a life and that dairymen were misleading consumers with their false advertising by stating that their cows were indeed “happy”.
Even with all the experience that I’ve had with cows I must admit that sometimes it’s hard to tell when they are happy. After all, mostly what they do all day is lay around and eat. If only cows had bovine psychiatrists, support groups and a Dr. Phil to call their own perhaps they might find happiness while they laid around all day and ate.
Another group is also worried about the mental state of this country’s cows, especially those bovines that graze our public lands. Even though you and I know that cattle are necessary in maintaining the health of grasslands, in reducing fire danger and in good watershed management, these folks have a beef with beeves and contend that bovines are so far off their mental reservation that they are a danger to anyone who would use our public lands. Because these folks don’t like having to walk around, or through, the occasional cow pie they say that “deranged” cows are such a menace to humans that all cows should be “de-ranged” from our public lands immediately.
Even though I have yet to hear of anyone being killed by a psychotic BLM Hereford I feel these people’s pain. Because I’ve had extensive experience in these matters I’ll pass on a few hints as to how the public can enhance their relationships with cows.
First of all, there are three times when humans can enjoy the total bovine experience. The best time is shortly after the mother has given birth. I would advise PETA members to approach the newborn calf while the mother is away at the water trough. Although she has probably hidden her baby you should sneak up on the calf and catch it. As you caress and cradle the calf in your arms it will return your affection by bawling. No doubt this will hasten the cow’s retreat to where she left her baby and give PETA members the opportunity to determine if she is happy. As the cow approaches she will, no doubt, be surprised to see you. Extend your hand in friendship and in your most polite voice ask the cow to come closer. This she will probably do. At this point you should be able to see the love-light in her eye. This would be an appropriate time to say a prayer for your mutual happiness. I have no doubt that you will BOND with the cow and remember the experience for a long, long time.
Another opportunity to become one with cows is when they are being given their annual vaccinations and palpated in a squeeze chute. As you can imagine, at this point cows are very grateful to the cowboys for their many kindnesses. Get your personal estate in order and place yourself about five yards in front of the squeeze chute so that when they are turned loose you will be the first to greet them. You may even want to close your eyes so that you’ll be completely surprised by what happens next.
Lastly, I’d suggest that PETA members and hikers pack a picnic lunch of berry cobbler and sweet smelling cinnamon buns for a light lunch amongst the cows on public lands. Take your yapping dog along too. To find the cows follow the scat, footprints and tufts of brown or black hair on broken branches. When you do make contact, once again extend your hand, offer the picnic basket as a peace offering by dropping it and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE because... that’s a bear you idiot and she’s not happy!
Don't step in it!
Never mess with a newborn unless you too would like to be reborn in a new world.
Never stand in front of an occupied squeeze chute, especially during bull examinations. (I won't go into any more detail than 'examinations')
Seems like a good time to post a link to Cows with guns.
http://www.theflasharchive.com/f/f-50.htm
Moooooooooooooooooo!!!!
I broke out into a clearing near lake Lochloosa, one morning, and a momma cow put me up a tree! I fired my muzzle loader into the ground to scare her off, then, she really got pissed off. She didn't lose interest for darn near an hour.
Haha, good one!
He was a scrawny calf who looked kinda woosy.
Nobody guessed he was packin an uzi.
I have much trouble with make understanding of all issues here. I is from Kiev. But it seems to me that some they make angry because cowmens make an advertisement about the happy cow. But who does worry if cow it is happy? Cow for the food, or for to make milk, I think. But why importantly they are happy, they not will be pets, right? I think the matter of cows not (their happiness, it is which I I will intend). They not to make milk because they love us, but because we constrain them. They are stupid. They ugly. They have smelly rear passage. They make much gas. What people would make the judicial matter about useless (except the milk, which good, i does think) animal with smelly passage? In kiev we have many women -.korova (big-cow-like), and no one they here worry what they think, trust me in this my friends.
Thank You.
Russian Proverb: Curious Varvara's nose was torn off.
We (good people) must stop the abominations, I think.
Relations to all new friends.
Vladimir Ushenko
lol.l.l...Lee Pitts is kinda funny.
Mankind for
Ethical
Animal
Treatment
Great Futurama episode. As I recall, the stinkin hippie got eaten by Lur.
Extremly well done!
"? In kiev we have many women -.korova (big-cow-like), and no one they here worry what they think, trust me in this my friends."
The same story in America..... unless these women have much money, then people kiss their behinds to get the money. When the money is all gone them women are in trouble again, just like in Kiev.
Vlad,
Many, many people in America have lived their entire lives in a city. The only animals they know are pet dogs and cats. Meat comes from store. So does milk. Guns are used only by criminals to kill people. This is very much like western Europe.
But most of America is a wide open, rural country, like Russia. This is where wheat, corn, oats, fruits and vegetables are grown. Millions of cattle are grazed on open land that would be otherwise worthless, so it is still owned by the government. And in these wide open spaces, agricultural pests such as squirrels, gophers, coyotes and foxes are kept controlled by the use of guns.
So you see, there is a big disconnect between where the food comes from, and where the food is consumed. And so people come up with strange ideas. Very, very strange ideas. Treating animals like people. Banning guns. And so on.
I hope this helps. And I really like Russian bear stew!
Cows not happy? I once saw a dry cow, up to her belly in grass under a shady tree, bawling her head off. Why was she miserable in that cow paradise? She wanted to get back in the barn with her friends.
Anyone who has actually farmed knows that happy dairy cows produce more milk. One farmer I worked for kept a radio on in the barn, tuned to the country station. "Actually, I hate country music." he told me. (He liked classical or Big Bands.) "But the cows seem to like it, and they give better when they're happy."
And the best beef comes from "fat and happy" cows rather than stressed out animals.
Yes, cows have feelings. And when one is killed for my dinner, I want it do die painlessly. (The stress hormones make the beef taste gamey.)
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