~smiles~
I liked the story on the prior page about the hamburger hunt. That sounds like fun, but for me it would be the perfect fettucine... for your and your wife, it might be something else. :~D
The only other thing that keeps occuring to me is to resist having some fantasy in your head about how she might respond or what it might get you if you do this or that. She's not gonna become a different person, any more than you are. You're familiar to each other, and it's not as exciting as it was. That's normal.
You're not probably going to find ~anything~ that is going to make her suddenly turn into the tip of woman who jumps you like a scene in a naughty movie ;~D
If there are times when the first time you know she's interested is when you are in bed, trust me there were signs before that. Women aren't maintenance free, she prepared herself to get there and be ready when you got to bed. She likely bathed and shaved her legs, put on something that she felt good in that was easily accessible, other things you just didn't know to notice at the time. The times when she is ready, she's initiating to you in the way she knows how.
I'll give you another hint... sometimes at the moment when you do the 'approach' and it's shot down, it's not you, it's her. You grab, she thinks, "Eeek... I haven't shaved my legs and I have that 'not so fresh feeling" She doesn't want you to see her like that so she turns you down.
So here's the key. When you want her, give her time to think the idea over and get prepared.
just a couple rambling cents... ;~D