DUmmie FUnnies 12-16-05 ("Quick! Give me your stereotype of a 'typical Republican.'")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | December 16, 2005 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[NRA1995]

I am very into the arts--theatre, opera, etc--and I get along perfectly well with other people who do until politics come up

The first time that I and the guitarist in my band shared a ride, he started off on a rant about "those goddam Republicans"; I let him finish, then I calmly said, "Rick, I'm one of those goddam Republicans....now would you like to ride or get out and walk?" You could hear crickets chirping for a full five minutes.

[NRA1995]

When I think "typical Republican", the image I get is of a middle aged white guy making only slight more than minimum wage.

Uhhhhh....DUmmie....you just described the entire guitar/bass sales staff at Bill's Music House here in Maryland, and I KNOW they're all Democrats!!

[decal]

"...believes that liberals' are trying to take their guns and Santa Clause away from them..."

Someone took the sanity clause away from this one long ago.

[Charles Henrickson]

The typical Republican, according to the DUmmies, comes in two basic types: Rich, or Redneck. So let's see how well either of these stereotypes actually fits a real Republican, namely, me.

Let's take the Redneck first:

diehard redneck. . . . rural ignorance. . . .

I have never lived in the South and have absolutely no desire to live there. It's not for me. I'm a Northern city boy, grew up in Chicago.

Uneducated. . . .

One Bachelor's, two Master's, and a dissertation away from a Ph.D.

Lives in a trailer and watches NASCAR. . . . Joe NASCAR. . . .

Have never lived in a trailer. I have never seen a NASCAR race, nor will I ever see one. Absolutely no interest. Baseball fan.

Never read a book in his life. . . .

Just in the last couple of years I have read several dozen heavy-duty scholarly works, totaling tens of thousands of pages. In my life I have probably read more serious academic books than just about anybody on DU.

Can't find Australia on a map, even when offered a carton of Marlboros to do so. . . .

I have made about 10 trips out of the United States, to 8 different countries, for a total of about 8 months. And I don't smoke cigarettes.

Intolerant. . . .

No, I'm tolerant of people I disagree with and disapprove of. That means, I do not favor punishing them. But "tolerance" by definition includes the idea of disapproval. I tolerate them, I put up with them, but I do not approve of what they are doing.

writes and spells like a fourth grader. . . .

I have had a number of articles published in academic journals. I've just finished translating a series of essays from Swedish into English for publication in a book. I've been the research assistant for two published books. I've edited a newspaper and a journal. I scored in the top 1% in the nation in the Verbal section of the Graduate Record Exams (GRE) for college graduates applying for graduate school. I read and work in seven languages.

Racist, homophobic. . . .

I have friends of all nationalities. I am not homophobic: I do not "fear" homosexuals. I just disapprove of their aberrant, deviant, unnatural, immoral behavior.

driving a full sized truck with about 10 of those "support the troops" ribbons. . . .

I don't like pickup trucks, and I find those ribbon thingies too tacky and faddish for my taste.

believes that liberals' are trying to take their guns. . . . dumb gun-toting redneck. . . .

I have never owned a gun, nor do I have any desire to own one. However, I support the constitutionally guaranteed right to keep and bear arms.

bible thumper. . . .

If by that you mean a "fundie" or "American evangelical," no. I am a sacramental, liturgical, confessional Lutheran, and I am critical of fundamentalist/evangelical doctrine and practice. However, on most social and moral issues, I would probably be on the same side as they are.

gets all their "news" from Fox "News". . . .

I don't watch Fox News, I don't have cable, and I rarely watch television at all.

So that takes care of their Redneck stereotype. I don't fit it at all. As to the other stereotype--the rich corporate type--I have to laugh. I am not now, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be, rich. I am barely middle-class. But I believe in economic opportunity for all, unfettered by the restraints of excessive taxation and forced redistribution of wealth.

While not fitting the DUmmie stereotypes of Republicans, I am, though, white, male, heterosexual, married, a father, and a Christian. So that makes me a pretty sure bet to be a Republican.

What makes me a social-political conservative is my belief in two things: 1) the Constitution, which limits the powers of the federal government, and 2) traditional public morality--the sanctity of life, of marriage, of the family; charity at a personal and local level toward the neighbor in need; etc.

[Flux Capacitor]

----Fat, smug, homophobic, planet-rapers.----

"DANG IT, BOBBY TERRY, AH TOLD YOU TO STOP STICKIN' IT INTO TREE STUMPS!"

-Dan

[GeronL]

UM, what do they mean by 'typical Republican'??

I'm a conservative. Period. I believe in the maximum amount of liberty and least bit of state interference possible.

[GeronL]

Rich. Went to the best schools. Summers in New England, winters in Palm Beach (And uses the words summer and winter as verbs.) Wears $3000 suits and handmade shoes. Belongs to the best clubs, where he and his friends conspire to rip off the public.

Do these dunderheads really think the majority of voters in the last election were 'rich' et al???

[GeronL]

Oh come on.... certainly there is nothing more important to do than to scour DU and post maybe 5 or 6 DUFU's daily, maybe 2 on weekends....,P>Blood Pressure be darned =o)

[Watery Tart]

"Quick! Give me your stereotype of a 'typical Republican.'"

And here we have the essence of their political "arguments." And their prep time.

"Quick!"

[185JHP]

Seething, suppurating bile-fueled nastiness. Thanks for your work and please add me to your Ping List.

[Watery Tart]

Pudgy, self satisfied asshole who cares not for the suffering of others. Someone who values things more than people.A clueless dolt with the transmitter stuck on LOUD and ALWAYS ON; and whose receiver is broken. In one word: SELFISH.

[FormerACLUmember]

LOL

[Ostlandr]

Great one, PJ!

Curiously enough, I fit the libs' stereotype of themselves:
public employee, union member (not by choice), non-Christian, high IQ, environmentally sensitive, tolerant to a fault, thrifty about use of gasoline, electricity, etc. (not necessarlily by choice), well-read, some college.

And yet somehow I'm a gun owning, patriotic right-winger who wants the enemies of peace and freedom hunted down and shot. Go figure.
Must have been growing up in a trailer that did it. If we'd fallen back on the taxpayers instead of going for owned housing that we could afford, I might have turned out differently. Nah, I don't think so.

[Fenris6]

They are afriad of new ideas.

LOL. All of the "new ideas" of the last decade have come from the Conservative movement. All the Dems have offered is hate and discontent. Liberals are the most ignorant intolerant close-minded bigoted people I have ever come across.

[FreeAtlanta]

I was wondering if he is the professor from "the Water Boy".

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

Fat, smug, homophobic, planet-rapers.

LOL!!! Whole lot of hate going on with these liberals...

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

Most of their women are ugly down to the soul.

Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, that kooky nut-job old-biddy reporter, the list goes on and on...

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

LOL!!!! This is too good! He looks like he's afraid of that "nasty thing" that he has in his hands!

[beckysueb]

Snacks on paint-chips, has a protruding forehead, with two or three teeth in their mouth..

Like Paul "The Forehead" Begala.

[rockrr]

I can definitely relate.

Like the "Nuge", I blow political stereotypes outta the water. I get huge enjoyment in watching he reaction when people find out that the this long-haired hard rocker is also a hard-core conservative.

I was the only conservative in the last band I was in. The closer to the 2004 elections, the more pointed were the remarks that a couple of the other band members made. Finally they had had enough. Not able to win a single argument, they told me that "the band is breaking up". Two weeks afterward, they reconstituted themselves, sans me. I had to laugh out loud at that. You see, we had a running joke that when we had to fire someone, we would take them out to lunch first (I guess it was meant to soften the blow somehow).

These cretins didn't even have the class to treat me to lunch first!

After five years of coaching and prodding, of pleading, cajoling, and threatening, in order to get these morons to actually commit to doing something other than smoke a bowl, I was tired of the games, so I haven't looked for another gig. Instead, I have caught up on relationships and other projects.

I understand that they have played (once or twice).

Very impressive!

(At least they don't have to worry about dissenting opinions! ;'}