Confirming Yossarian to the Supreme Court

FarRockawayPlayland | August 23rd, 2005 | Far Rockaway

[FarRockaway]

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Confirming Yossarian to the Supreme Court

Part 1

 

The rabble and the upper classes are rousing and this is the sort of thing they enjoy.  Rumbling and rambling and carrying on they’ll provide copy for the media and the ritual will be entertaining for everyone.  I speak of course of the confirmation process about to be subcontracted by Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey and bounded by the stormy berms of August and the visions of  L'Enfant.  Will Roberts be DC’s enfant terrible?  Not today. Hillary’s in.  If even she will not abort, then the baby, however faced, will proceed.

 

If confirmation’s in the sac, is there anything here yet to be gained by the mighty pulse and swell of our punditry superbowl now booking passage to the downtown Hay-Adams Suites?  A lot of other people’s money is going to get spent on this shin-dig and so people of conscience would like to extract from it some redeeming feature besides a slight dyspepsia about a non-zero probability of the Recurrence of David Souter.  It’s too big to just be entertaining.

 

“There was only one catch and that was Catch 22, which specified that a concern for one’s safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions.” – Catch 22 by Joseph Heller (C-22)

 

The focal point of our summer’s redemption nexus for this DC-pride parade will be none other than Chucky Schumer, deeply held.  Really?  Yes, really.  Not that he will be a willing participant in our exercise but if we trump our hand right we could nearly save the world by holding him by his regulation south paw arguments.  No?  Yes.  Grasp this.  (We must also prevent any on-air choke ups batted around by George Will about baseball which are debasing and which I consider to be foul imminent dangers and a strike against the nation.)  (He, not being a dumb guy, will retire to the warm and inspiring glow of Americana, poetic tradition, bonnet styles in colonial times, all that rubbish. You watch!  You think I’m an idiot? We must stop him. You are charges and my hired Hessians of prevention. Faint not.)

 

We must get out our patriotic bunting and hit this one out of the park.  Get a grip, put a cork in it, etc, you say. Ok ok ok.  But we need whole grain, athletic Republicans today - Mitt Romney can’t help us. He’s neither catcher nor rye enough.  Ok Ok ok. That’s an oat joke. Ok oko ok

 

It must be exposed that Schumer & his ilk have created a new and more fervent religious test and that this hot dogging by them is applied with relish even as they try to play catch up.  They are so grilled in their dogma that it hardly enters their minds to consider there might actually be valid human beings mustering courage outside their faith.  It puts them in a pickle. 

 

I speak of course of the church of liberal naturalism and it’s blood sacrament of abortion.  In olden days the transubstantiation of the Body and Blood of Christ were a major point of debate and contention; the always-needed religious tests we diligently required of our public officials.  But Schumer and company have streamlined the process.  They have no doubt that both the body and the blood of the aborted fetus, dedicated to any of the baals of feminism or relativism or almost any of liberal-naturalism’s 300 million gods, is an absolute pre-existing necessity for confirmation.  Symbolism be damned. A wafer & mead will not suffice where Babwa and Di need a baby to sacrifice. They are convinced of that religious fact that in any hearing where their religious test is applied (and they will, of course, apply it to Roberts) they do not favor religious tests in any form.  Therefore Roberts should request that they apply a religious test to him for liberal naturalism.  They will refuse and he will then be confirmed  - successfully having escaped by being a Catholic who can’t voluntarily participate in their test.  But if he resists the proffered religion of no religion test he will be found to have substantial Catholicism in his blood and so will fail.  So it’s best for him to fervently request that the Senators give him a religious test at the outset so as to ensure he won’t have one.

 

But now we must cite moving on to something genuinely odd in this upcoming confirmation process.  We must throw back the blanket and observe all of the naturalist that is deeply held.  The chief and deeply held doctrine of these public officials is: that deeply held doctrines by public officials disqualify them from public office.  About this they are quite clear. In fact, they state with conviction and knitted brows that this is one of their own chief qualifications for office.  You see, they are very devoted to including the religious position that allowing religious positions in the deliberative process shouldn’t be allowed. Of course they are indignant with rage if you object and this reaction they apply without discrimination, religious or otherwise.

 

“Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did. Soon the only people attending were those who never asked questions, and the sessions were discontinued altogether, since Clevinger, the corporal and Colonel Korn agreed that it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything.”-Catch 22

 

Questioning? Don’t ask.