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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: commonguymd

Thanks, but that's not it. It was a thread Undie posted titled something like "Well, the bloodsuckers have been paid."

We NEED to grab that before it slips down the memory hole. I can't remember the details of the post, but it might prove valuable. I've been trying to find it, and when one of us does, take a screen cap!


581 posted on 05/14/2005 9:41:10 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: KJC1

see 580


582 posted on 05/14/2005 9:42:47 AM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
If he does, and this continues on, I am PERSONALLY driving down there myself to bring Undie some flowers & wish him well on his recovery.

I think it will be a wasted trip though. I'll make sure to take pictures. ;3

583 posted on 05/14/2005 9:42:47 AM PDT by lutz
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To: KJC1

Andy_Stephenson Donating member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-11-05 11:59 AM
Original message
Well the blood suckers at Hopkins have been paid...



But I had to come up with an additional 5k this morning. Oh well at least they have their money and I am back on track for surgery. No Date yet but I imagine it will be late this week or early next week...barring anything unforseen. I had to get a 3D cat scan this AM...Why...I don't know. But I did it is over and wooo hooo I can go back to the house and take a nap.


584 posted on 05/14/2005 9:44:30 AM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: KJC1
Better yet, expand the thread to include ALL posts, then go to: File -> Save As -> Web Page Complete.

It will save EVERYTHING on the page as that saves the page in it's entirety

585 posted on 05/14/2005 9:44:55 AM PDT by lutz
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To: lutz

Done here too. surprised the link was still there.


here it is again.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x3636475


586 posted on 05/14/2005 9:46:36 AM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: txradioguy

So at noon he says they are paid, and by 8pm the same day he says he wrote a rubber check. later he produces two cashier check receipts made out to john hopkins.... hmmmm... mighty suspicious.


587 posted on 05/14/2005 9:48:47 AM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: KJC1
Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts)

Wed May-11-05 11:59 AM Well the blood suckers at Hopkins have been paid...

But I had to come up with an additional 5k this morning. Oh well at least they have their money and I am back on track for surgery. No Date yet but I imagine it will be late this week or early next week...barring anything unforseen. I had to get a 3D cat scan this AM...Why...I don't know. But I did it is over and wooo hooo I can go back to the house and take a nap.

It is HERE
588 posted on 05/14/2005 9:48:52 AM PDT by speed_addiction (Remember, Verifiable Paper Ballots__Andy Stephenson)
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To: KJC1
That's what I have been following too. Notice in the first post below, they say the hospital has decided to schedule the surgery if they have $15,000 by Mon (May 2)This person could just be confused like the rest of us.. Then we have two posts by Dragon Slayer that are really odd. The first one on May 4 says they need the full $50,000 by Mon (May 9) and then on May 8 he posts again like he just found out the shocking news that the whole amount had to be sumitted! I guess the money wasn't rolling in fast enough. It's hard to tell who is in on this thing from those that are sincerely duped!

From: "clluxa"
Date: Sat Apr 30, 2005 2:27 pm
Subject: Re: Update on Andy's cancer surgery: donations needed.
As of noon today, about $11,000 has been raised. Beth, the person heading this up and dealing directly with Johns Hopkins (the hospital wanted $25K yesterday) has said that Johns Hopkins has now said they will still schedule Andy's surgery if they get $15K by Monday. Please donate if you can, even a small amount.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/democracyforwashington/message/4339

by dragon slayer
Wed May 4th, 2005 at 17:52:48 PDT

We're more than half way to meeting our goal of $50k for Andy's surgery. He landed in Baltimore today and will be meeting his doc tomorrow. (And in the middle of all this, he's giving a seminar this week in Columbus.)

We are today at nearly $29k. Need to get to $50k by MONDAY! Please, Please help us!

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/5/4/205248/4169

Oh, I just read on D.U. (none / 0)

That the hospital is demanding ALL of the money by Monday or they won't operate. Let's kick it into high gear for Andy. Let's show the world that the OUR CULTURE gives HEALTH TREATMENT to those who have a LIFE.

This is an absolute shame that they still won't help us live our life in good health and be protected when we're sick.

by dragon slayer on Sun May 8th, 2005 at 09:09:09 PDT

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/5/4/205248/4169

From: "clluxa"
Date: Wed May 4, 2005 7:34 pm
Subject: Update on Andy and Fundraising effort

Andy Stephenson arrived in Baltimore today and will be meeting with the doctor at Johns Hopkins tomorrow. His surgery is scheduled for Tuesday.
So far a little over $30,000 of the $50,000 needed for his surgery has been raised and we need to get the rest of it raised by Tuesday.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/democracyforwashington/message/4375

589 posted on 05/14/2005 9:49:36 AM PDT by Krodg
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To: commonguymd
Thanks for the link! That's saved along with the rest of the AndyScam Files.

And we are STILL waiting for a reply back from IT....been what, over 15 minutes now?

590 posted on 05/14/2005 9:51:21 AM PDT by lutz
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To: lutz; speed_addiction; txradioguy
If Undie now is scheduled for surgery on May 26, as "principal" claims, then Undie's name should now be in the JH system, right? I don't know if you guys should ask "principal" that, and thus give them time to prepare, or just check into it without saying so first.
591 posted on 05/14/2005 9:56:05 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Undie the Fundee.)
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To: Krodg

Boy oh boy, none of that makes sense at all. Andy has the little pilgrims out gathering and nobody is quite in the same field. This is about more that 50000 - I am convinced this is much much more with 124 different outlets gathering including du, kos, and air america.


592 posted on 05/14/2005 9:57:26 AM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: commonguymd; speed_addiction

Thanks. Does someone want to post a screen cap? I've captured it, but I'd rather see a cropped one that isn't ten miles wide like the last time I did one. :^)


593 posted on 05/14/2005 10:00:34 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: Krodg

Good job. Certainly a lot to chew on.


594 posted on 05/14/2005 10:01:25 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: franksolich

I hope this link works correctly. Great research over at CU...and they are kinda funny too!

http://www.conservativeunderground.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6400&page=23&pp=20


595 posted on 05/14/2005 10:06:25 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: Amityschild

Just scroll down a little bit...I saw things there we didn't have...at least at post 400 and something! What a saga!


596 posted on 05/14/2005 10:07:35 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: Amityschild

I still think that when he said the bloodsuckers were paid on the 11th at noon, and then subsequently posts that he bounced a check to them at 8pm because of paypal is quite suspicious -- not only because of the short period of time between the two for the check to be hot, but because he presented cashier check receipts as his payment proof that were dated the 5 ot 6 days before the 11th.


597 posted on 05/14/2005 10:11:38 AM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: Krodg; KJC1

Wow!! You & KJC1 are GOOD!


598 posted on 05/14/2005 10:20:36 AM PDT by lutz
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To: commonguymd; lutz; txradioguy; speed_addiction; franksolich; PJ-Comix; All

Okay, let's all try to make a time line: (Add/correct as needed)

May 4: Undie lands in Baltimore
May 5: Undie allegedly visits w/ the doctor
May 5: Cashier's Check for $25k is issued from WA state
May 6: Cashier's Check for $7k is issued from WA state
May 6: Sfexpat2000 announces just over $32k is raised
May 7: Undie is in Ohio @ the DU meetup
May 11: 12 Noon Undie posts that JH has been paid
May 11: 8 PM Undie posts that he wrote a "hot check"


599 posted on 05/14/2005 10:21:06 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: Charles Henrickson
You are absolutely right CH, his name WOULD be in the system.

Otherwise, when the scheduled date rolls around, however would they know he was supposed to be there in the first place? ;3

600 posted on 05/14/2005 10:22:38 AM PDT by lutz
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