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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: I_like_good_things_too
Well, now, now you've got me wondering whether I'm seeing this number right after all - I'll swear the top check is 6188 and the bottom is 8188.

I copied the image right off DU's page - still have it.

At any rate, it still doesn't make any sense that Mr Stephenson got these when he supposedly was either in OH or MD...
301 posted on 05/13/2005 6:30:38 PM PDT by decal ("The French should stick to kisses, toast and fries.")
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To: halieus

I'm glad decal pointed out to you that there were indeed check numbers on them. But I am curious if it is also your tactic to be nasty in "real life" like it appears to be on the internet. There is a difference between being "reasonably skeptical" and being unreasonably snarky toward me. I've simply done what any of you could have. I called a bank and said "I would like to verify some cashier's checks". Then I gave them the numbers of the checks and she verified the amounts & payee. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THEY HAVE BEEN OR WILL BE CASHED.

None of you ever work in retail? Or at a bank? It's not as if I'm using some secret special powers to get this info. Geez.


302 posted on 05/13/2005 6:30:39 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: franksolich

WOOOOHOOO finals are DONE...did ok...Back home in SD now...time to kick back and do some fishin!!!!!!


303 posted on 05/13/2005 6:31:13 PM PDT by ReeWalker (HELP!! I need a tagline!)
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To: I_like_good_things_too

You're awfully defensive for a FReeper. Especially a new one with such a low number of posts.


304 posted on 05/13/2005 6:33:27 PM PDT by halieus (FR cracks UNDIEGATE!)
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To: I_like_good_things_too

And I hereby apologize for thinking you might (might, I say) be a DU plant - this whole affair is so screwed up we might end up ALL being banned from ALL the sites by the time it's over...


305 posted on 05/13/2005 6:33:54 PM PDT by decal ("The French should stick to kisses, toast and fries.")
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To: BTHOtu

Actually, they say "John Hopkins Hospital". Just REMEMBER that Undie does NOT have to hand those over! He can sit on them until he has the 'all-clear', get the money back for the checks & then fly to Paris to sip martini's with fly.


306 posted on 05/13/2005 6:34:29 PM PDT by lutz
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To: lutz

Thanks. I should have double checked the check!


307 posted on 05/13/2005 6:35:48 PM PDT by BTHOtu
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To: lutz; I_like_good_things_too

"...get the money back for the checks..."

I don't suppose there's any way to confirm if in fact THIS happens, is there?


308 posted on 05/13/2005 6:36:16 PM PDT by decal ("The French should stick to kisses, toast and fries.")
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To: decal

The reason I think the routing numbers are likely the same is the check sequence. The checks were so close in number-- what are the odds that two different branches would just happen to have checks with numbers so close. So, in my mind the same branch issued both checks and thus the routing number must be the same.

Also, FYI, the same bank can have different routing numbers for different types of activities-- i.e., a wire transfer routing number, an ACH routing number (direct deposits/ withdrawals), a check routing number, etc... But some small banks may only have one routing number for all things.

There is so VERY much that is wrong with the undie situation, but the checks are real.


309 posted on 05/13/2005 6:36:29 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: ReeWalker

Yeah, the sun returned to Nebraska too, after a week of no sun.

The place is still a sea of mud, however.


310 posted on 05/13/2005 6:38:48 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: I_like_good_things_too
"...but the checks are real."

So, in that case they DID raise $33k - why leave any back?
311 posted on 05/13/2005 6:38:52 PM PDT by decal ("The French should stick to kisses, toast and fries.")
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To: I_like_good_things_too

Why are you so interested? For a noob, you sure have a strange fixation with this topic.

Or maybe it's because, just like Principal (you?) on CU, you're trying to legitimize your scam here for the DUmmies to see, since you can't do that on DU.



312 posted on 05/13/2005 6:39:52 PM PDT by halieus (FR cracks UNDIEGATE!)
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To: decal

And that means we should still keep these images, in case the Feds come around asking about them...


313 posted on 05/13/2005 6:40:30 PM PDT by decal ("The French should stick to kisses, toast and fries.")
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To: halieus

thinking the same thing.


314 posted on 05/13/2005 6:41:49 PM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: franksolich

Faghag


315 posted on 05/13/2005 6:41:52 PM PDT by Deetes (Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick)
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To: decal

well, if we don't screw up and end up getting the checks flagged by Verity, I'd be more than happy to call again next week to see if they've cleared. Again, this isn't secret info. But if the bank catches on (by getting a barrage of calls), they may stop taking inquiries.

So, the answer is "maybe".

Thanks for kind of believing I'm not a DU plant. But I guess it's better than being ignored like I usually am!


316 posted on 05/13/2005 6:42:24 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: decal
So, in that case they DID raise $33k - why leave any back?

This is part of an issue I raised on the big thread. As of May 6th, 9:20pm PDT, they had raised just over $32K.

BUT, that doesn't mean those funds had been received. Paypal held things up, Amazon link was hit or miss, and snail mail was probably still enroute (including a number of possible out of state checks). How did they have the $32K in hand to be able to purchase those cashier's checks?

Also, it seems Undie was already in Baltimore as of that date.

317 posted on 05/13/2005 6:42:51 PM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: franksolich; PJ-Comix
Simple, quick question about Andy's situation.....

MissWaverly (999 posts) Fri May-13-05 08:46 PM
Response to Original message

21. Yes, more money is needed

Remember the movie Joe vs the volcano, well this is Andy vs the tumor, the surgery was postponed because of several snafus, that have been straightened out, the outcome was all that paperwork that Andy posted the other day, he's staying with me until after the surgery which is now scheduled for end of the month but he's on "stand by" and they will move him up if they can. The $50,000 covers the surgery, but does not include the $7,000 for the surgeon and there is $1600 for the test he had to have done so they could schedule him for surgery. I just talked to him and he said that it was okay to post this. He's staying with another DU'er for the weekend, so I guess I could say he's at an undisclosed location but he'll be back at the dust bunny palace on Monday.

Miss Waverly

318 posted on 05/13/2005 6:43:21 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Undie the Fundee)
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To: I_like_good_things_too
But if the bank catches on (by getting a barrage of calls), they may stop taking inquiries.

I find it interesting that you keep repeating this.
319 posted on 05/13/2005 6:44:01 PM PDT by halieus (FR cracks UNDIEGATE!)
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To: halieus

Maybe, just maybe, even though I'm a "noob" I happen to spend a TON of time lurking here. And at DU. I'm okay with you thinking I'm a troll-- I don't post a lot because I don't have much to add. I actually only checked into Verity because it seemed so strange for me that the cashier's checks didn't have an issuing institution's name & address written on them that I figured being local (in Seattle) I could go to the bank & see if they really looked that way. But when I looked up their information, I saved myself a trip by just calling them to verify the checks.

And yes, I have a "strange fixation" on this topic. Perhaps it's a sign of lack of excitement in my life and not that I'm a DU plant, no?


320 posted on 05/13/2005 6:46:36 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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