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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: Amityschild

PR office at Johns Hopkins and Johns Hopkins' legal counsel probably have notebooks all over the place, too.


1,041 posted on 05/15/2005 8:44:58 AM PDT by Barset
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To: All
Oh my gosh. Look at this post on another website from "sfexpat2000", where she says 63 cents of that money came from a child's piggy bank. If that's true and if this is all a scam, that is really sad.

It gets better. Now the hospital wants it all in advance. by sfexpat2000. Submitted on 2005-05-07 17:40:03

Elizabeth Ferrari says: At this moment, Saturday afternoon, this amazing community has donated $35,851.63 towards our Monday deadline. The sixty three cents came from a child's piggy bank.

My bet is on the kids. They know better.

cheers,
Beth
http://www.opednews.com/hartmann_050105_save_andy.htm

1,042 posted on 05/15/2005 8:56:19 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: Amityschild

hit the link again. the phot is third up from the bottom. click to emnlarge. I am sorry, but I don't know how to post a photo. Believe lutz just learned. I think it should be posted with the Jan 02 letter starting the Andy fund-raiser.


1,043 posted on 05/15/2005 8:56:19 AM PDT by Barset
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To: NeonKnight

The one I'm referring to shows them outside in the street, it's nifgt. If you know how to post photos could yo gat that one off the link; it's third from the bottom of a column of photos. Thanks.


1,044 posted on 05/15/2005 9:00:13 AM PDT by Barset
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To: KJC1; NeonKnight

That's it! Still wondering if the Andy fundraising they started on January 2, paid for Andy's flight from Seattle and back and all the festivities.


1,045 posted on 05/15/2005 9:03:47 AM PDT by Barset
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To: Barset

I just learned how to neener, neener, neener :-)


1,046 posted on 05/15/2005 9:07:01 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: hipaatwo; Charles Henrickson; franksolich
Before I finally comment on this whole mess, can I please confirm that the preliminary reports were dated MAY 11TH, on the day of his surgery? The images that Andy linked to are now gone.
1,047 posted on 05/15/2005 9:07:06 AM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: Darkwolf
Caffeine is bad for you. I used to have it constantly, but haven't had any since January, and I actually SLEEP now, and don't get tension in the neck, either.

Probably depends on the individual. I drink large amounts of caffeine and have no problems sleeping. OTOH, considering everything I have to/want to/try to get done in a day, I'm often running on 3-5 hours sleep for 3-4 days in a row.

1,048 posted on 05/15/2005 9:10:34 AM PDT by Celtjew Libertarian (Shake Hands with the Serpent: Poetry by Charles Lipsig aka Celtjew http://books.lulu.com/lipsig)
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To: Nataku X

see post 866 in this thread for the reports.


1,049 posted on 05/15/2005 9:12:59 AM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: lutz; franksolich
I’ve added a couple of bits into the timeline (April 29 and May 1 & 2); see #963 and 966 for other links. For May 7 onwards see

http://www.therandirhodesshow.com/randirhodes/messageboards/index.php?showtopic=49660&st=0

Updated timeline (please copy, paste with additions & corrections):

Jan 02: Donate to the Andy Stephenson fund raiser!!(ie: first instance)

Feb 11: Undie diagnoses with 'Hepatitis A' (bedrest for 6 weeks)

Mar 22: Undie names his 'tumor' Bev

Mar 23: Undie posts his biopsy has been done.

Apr 29: William Rivers Pitt says Andy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 'several weeks ago' and 'to date Andy's friends have raised about $7,000'

May 1: Thomas Leavitt’s blog: ‘In less than three full days, via a posting on D.U. and postings to email lists and blogs, his friends have managed to raise $20,000 to pay for his surgery. ‘

May 2nd, 2005 at 3:45 am UPDATE FOR ANDY we Need $1759.37. to reach goal for this morning of $25,000.00 so Beth can work with John Hopkins for Andy Stephenson. It is 5:40 a.m. central time and we are almost at this mornings goal. Later we will have to work out the other $25,000.00

Baltimore:

May 4: Undie lands in Baltimore

May 5: Undie allegedly visits w/ the doctor

May 5: Cashier's Check for $25k is issued from WA state

May 5: Undie flies to Columbus after Doctors Apt @ JH

Ohio:

May 6: Undie flies to OH -> This is INCORRECT, WHY?

May 6: Cashier's Check for $7k is issued from WA state

May 6: Sfexpat2000 announces just over $32k is raised

May 7: Undie is in Ohio @ the DU meetup

May 7: at 12.42 pm KyndCulture (who doesn’t know Undie personally) on the Randi Rhodes board posts the fundraiser including the claim that by May 7 at 9am $34,000 had been raised.

at 1.12 pm KyndCulture posts that Undie is in Baltimore awaiting word that he can check in

at 1.49 pm KyndCulture posts that Beth Ferrari is talking to JH and Undie is sitting in a hotel room waiting

May 8: Meet w/ some more DUmmies;

May 9: Flew from Ohio back to Baltimore

Baltimore:

May 9: "Bowel flush"

May 10: Scheduled surgery date

May 10: Undie posts that Skinner has info to verify things

May 11: 8 AM Undie got the puppy, and posted those silly pictures.

May 11: 10:41 AM Undie Exam date as stated on 'Diagnostic sheet'

May 11: 12 Noon Undie posts that JH has been paid

May 11: 1:02 PM Undie's results are completed

May 11: 8 PM Undie posts that he wrote a "hot check"

May 6 or 7: 'termite' mails checks to JH - undetermined exact date - per Undie himself

1,050 posted on 05/15/2005 9:14:34 AM PDT by flitton
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To: hipaatwo
Go back through all of those 'requests' for donations. Undie simply changed his story over time because he wasn't making any money using the other scams. He had to inflate his story to cancer to get the $$'s he wanted.

That would be interesting to add to the time-line as well, to see how the scam progressed and eventually turned into 'cancer'. I'd start back when he was fired by Bev.

1,051 posted on 05/15/2005 9:17:21 AM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: flitton

Excellent! Thanks for the timeline. It makes it alot easier to understand.


1,052 posted on 05/15/2005 9:18:55 AM PDT by MisterRepublican
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To: flitton
May 7 at 9am $34,000 had been raised.

at 1.12 pm KyndCulture posts that Undie is in Baltimore awaiting word that he can check in

at 1.49 pm KyndCulture posts that Beth Ferrari is talking to JH and Undie is sitting in a hotel room waiting

Wait a minute. Someone said Undie was in Baltimore on the 7th? And waiting to check in where, JH?

1,053 posted on 05/15/2005 9:25:13 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: franksolich
Reading this, I remembered how Hillary Clinton was going to:


SAVE THE US HEALTHCARE SYSTEM....

1,054 posted on 05/15/2005 9:26:43 AM PDT by Dashing Dasher ("You're my favorite Freeper. Ever" - Skooz 5/11/05 -- Beyond and Miss Behave agree!)
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To: Barset
I was wondering something. If that 'report' is actually from a hospital in Seattle...or just made up in general. Isn't that falsifying a medical report?
1,055 posted on 05/15/2005 9:31:02 AM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: KJC1
Yes that's how I read the message. Here it is

Post #6

Administration Intern

Group: Senator (Admin Listener)
Posts: 7,742
Joined: 3-August 04
From: Detroit Lakes, MN
Member No.: 8,676
Here's the information I was given... You can contact the Johns Hopkins Hospital Ethics committee and tell them what you think of their greed. Andy is in Baltimore now awaiting word from the hospital that he can check in.

http://www.hopkinshospital.org/patients/other_services.html --------------------
... snip... KyndCulture - Hip n Hippie Shop. NEW T-shirts, blogger shirts! Candles, tapestries, oils and the best psychedelic posters on the net!

1,056 posted on 05/15/2005 9:33:39 AM PDT by flitton
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To: flitton; All

Hmmm. That person could just be mistaken. Undie was in Ohio on the 7th, meeting with other DUmmies.

But you reminded me of something. Does anyone have any of the posts where people said Undie would be in Columbus for some type of teach-in/seminar/whatever?


1,057 posted on 05/15/2005 9:39:20 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: flitton

Bump and Bookmark for the evening edition...


1,058 posted on 05/15/2005 9:39:28 AM PDT by aBootes
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To: flitton; KJC1

Uhp, one of you two should go over there & save that thread! Excellent catch!


1,059 posted on 05/15/2005 9:39:43 AM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: lutz

Saved the screen on permanent file. So it won't 'disappear' now.


1,060 posted on 05/15/2005 10:02:02 AM PDT by flitton
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