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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: Barset

bookmarking for later. Yveete gonna have me cleaning the hot tub and mowing the lawn.


1,021 posted on 05/15/2005 7:47:41 AM PDT by speed_addiction (Remember, Verifiable Paper Ballots__Andy Stephenson)
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To: lutz; franksolich; All

I messed up a couple things on my last post. There is a question remaining of when exactly Undie flew to Ohio. Also a new addition for May 9.




Updated timeline (please copy, paste with additions & corrections):

Feb 11: Undie diagnoses with 'Hepatitis A' (bedrest for 6 weeks)

Mar 22: Undie names his 'tumor' Bev
Mar 23: Undie posts his biopsy has been done.

Baltimore:

May 4: Undie lands in Baltimore
May 5: Undie allegedly visits w/ the doctor
May 5: Cashier's Check for $25k is issued from WA state
May 5: Undie flies to Columbus after Doctors Apt @ JH (???)

Ohio:

May 6: Undie flies to Columbus, Ohio (???)
May 6: Cashier's Check for $7k is issued from WA state
May 6: Sfexpat2000 announces just over $32k is raised
May 7: Undie is in Ohio @ the DU meetup
May 8: Meet w/ some more DUmmies;
May 9: Flew from Ohio back to Baltimore
May 9: (need to find time) Undie posts "Mister John Smith is checking in"

Baltimore:

May 9: "Bowel flush"
May 10: Scheduled surgery date
May 10: Undie posts that Skinner has info to verify things
May 11: 8 AM Undie got the puppy, and posted those silly pictures.
May 11: 10:41 AM Undie Exam date as stated on 'Diagnostic sheet'
May 11: 12 Noon Undie posts that JH has been paid
May 11: 1:02 PM Undie's Radiology "Preliminary Report" completed
May 11: 8 PM Undie posts that he wrote a "hot check"
May 12: 1:59 PM Undie posts Radiology "diagnostic sheets"
May 12: 2:09 PM Undie posts copies of Cashier's Checks


May 6 or 7: 'termite' mails checks to JH - undetermined exact date - per Undie himself


-----Q: Jan ?: Date that fly or sfexpat claim Undie was diagnosed with cancer
-----Q: May 9: Is this when the checks arrived at JH?
-----Q: May 10: Checks 'lost' at JH causes surgery to be put on hold?
-----Q: May 10: The 40 minutes Undie was away when Skinner was trying to verify, when did this start/end?
-----Q: May 11: When did Undie find time to get back to where he was staying to POST on DU about JH being paid when he was still in the EXAM?!




1,022 posted on 05/15/2005 7:55:50 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: All
I did an online search for any Andy Stephenson related stories on the following websites of the local media in Baltimore, Maryland area:

The Baltimore Sun
The Baltimore Guide
The Baltimore Times
The Baltimore City Paper
The Towson Towerlight
WJZ 13 TV
WBAL 11 TV
WMPB 67 TV

Several local media sites had no search function, so I didn't bother with them. But still no stories related to former candidate for Washington Secretary of State and fair elections activist, Andy Stephenson.

Why have none of these Andy activists contacted the local media regarding this heart wrenching saga? And if they have, where is the media outrage that the prestigious Johns Hopkins University medical facility has so callously treated a cancer victim? I would think a local reporter would find this story irresistible.
1,023 posted on 05/15/2005 7:58:10 AM PDT by MisterRepublican
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To: lutz

"---Q: Jan? Date that fly or sfexpat claim Undie was diagnosed with cancer."

There is a photo at http://www.brainshrub.com/adventures/inauguration2005/, of Andy Stephenson, hale and hearty despite the frigid temperature, laughing it up with DU friends, Faye, Scubed (she of the $10,000 personal check?), Estimated Prophet, William Rivers Pitt, Susan Truit, on their way to the Billionaires for Bush party at the Platinum night club, on the night of January 20, 2005. (click photo to enlarge)


1,024 posted on 05/15/2005 8:00:28 AM PDT by Barset
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To: Barset

Can you post that photo? I couldn't get it thru the link and would love to see it...and keep it on this thread for posterity.


1,025 posted on 05/15/2005 8:07:22 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: commonguymd

So, from January 2, 2005, they were collecting money for Andy.

I wonder if moneys collected in early January helped to finance Andy's trip to Washington D.C.for the anti-Bush inauguration festivities.

On http://www.brainshrub.com/adventures/inauguration2005/

In the photo Andy, hale and hearty despite the frigid temperatures, is laughing it up with fellow DUers including William Rivers Pitt. They were in the street "on their way to the Billionaires for Bush party at the Pltinum night club."


1,026 posted on 05/15/2005 8:11:38 AM PDT by Barset
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To: Barset

I have to scan thru my posts. On Jan 1st he was diagnosed with HEP A and had to have 6 weeks bed rest, the asked for money. BRB


1,027 posted on 05/15/2005 8:14:15 AM PDT by hipaatwo (When you're in trouble you want all your friends around you...preferably armed!)
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To: hipaatwo

Never mind I was wrong..sorry

2/11/05 - 07:29 PM
Post #1

Andy Stephenson, also known as God-bush-n-Cheney, has caught Hepatitis A. He is on bedrest for at least six weeks. I talked to him on the phone last week when he was in D.C. He thought he had food poisioning but couldn't afford to go to the doctors. He is home now.

Andy has given his heart and soul to our mission. He got seriously used by Bev Harris....she has not paid him yet.

Anyways, he needs our financial support. Here is a link to the paypal: It was set-up on DU.

http://tinyurl.com/6jyf4

Andy posts under the name "GodBushNCheney"--Ed.


1,028 posted on 05/15/2005 8:16:00 AM PDT by hipaatwo (When you're in trouble you want all your friends around you...preferably armed!)
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To: Barset
The Jan 20th gathering.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

1,029 posted on 05/15/2005 8:16:03 AM PDT by NeonKnight
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To: Barset
Thanks for the corrected link. The DUmmies are pretty scary looking.

I was just perusing over there in the 'Lounge'. They are asking what would you bring to a DUmmie commune. It reminds me of the hippie times I experienced when I was THIRTEEN. I grew out of it quickly. They have never moved on.

Pitiful. Lord thank you that I didn't go that way!!!
1,030 posted on 05/15/2005 8:18:01 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: Amityschild; Barset
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
1,031 posted on 05/15/2005 8:18:16 AM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: Barset
OK...you meant this pic

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

1,032 posted on 05/15/2005 8:19:19 AM PDT by NeonKnight
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To: NeonKnight

Hey Neon! IIRC this is the second edition of the MOADUFU's (Mother of All DU FU's).

Grin :-)


1,033 posted on 05/15/2005 8:19:30 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: Amityschild

"They are asking what would you bring to a DUmmie commune."

Cyanide laced kool-aide.


1,034 posted on 05/15/2005 8:20:09 AM PDT by ShandaLear (Announcing you plans is a good way to hear God laugh. Al Swearengen, 1877—Deadwood)
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To: All
Where is the usual call to arms from DU?

Where is the LTTE(Letter To The Editor)campaign?

Where is the E-Mail Blizzard?

Where is the "Call Your Congresspersons and Senators" phone blitzkrieg?

Where is Dennis Kucinich, Barbara Boxer, Hillary! Rodham Clinton, John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Howard Dean?

Where are the calls for immediate legislation to end this foul abuse of a fellow citizen?

Where are the protest marches at Johns Hopkins Hospital, demanding action?

Where is the outrage in the Progressive community regarding the callous maltreatment of former Democratic candidate for Washington Secretary of State and fair election activist Andy Stephenson by cold, callous money grubbers at Johns Hopkins Hospital?

Why have the activists let Andy down?
1,035 posted on 05/15/2005 8:21:53 AM PDT by MisterRepublican
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To: NeonKnight

Cringe...I didn't want to see them TWICE!!!


1,036 posted on 05/15/2005 8:23:03 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: Amityschild

IIRC, I can be real stupid sometimes


1,037 posted on 05/15/2005 8:24:47 AM PDT by NeonKnight
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To: NeonKnight
IIRC, you were able to post a picture. I'm off to practice in the sandbox! You must be brilliant!
1,038 posted on 05/15/2005 8:26:55 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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To: codercpc

My impression also. No lawyer, representing a patient in a medical malpractic suit, would accept this as a legitimate copy from a major hospital's radiology unit. If someone tried to use it as evidence for the plaintiff, opposing counsel would win in a walk. Same with the check copies Andy posted.


1,039 posted on 05/15/2005 8:39:52 AM PDT by Barset
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To: NeonKnight

I did it!!! I did it!!! I'm not so dense, IIRC :-)

Go look at my 'kids'

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/1403565/posts?page=5


1,040 posted on 05/15/2005 8:43:35 AM PDT by Amityschild (DUmmie is as DUmmie does)
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