Ted Kennedy Fights Removal of Feeding Tube

Jerhad!com ^ | March 23, 2005 | Jeremy Robb

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March 23, 2005

Ted Kennedy Fights Removal of Feeding Tube

WASHINGTON, DC --- Ted Kennedy, who was recently declared brain-dead by his physician, is fighting for his life.  The Senator's family is trying to have his feeding tube removed to allow him to die a sober death.  The tube, attached to a bottle of vodka and a bottle of gin, has been utilized by the senator for his entire adult life.  Medical experts believe removal will almost certainly result in death.

"This is a very complex situation," said one medical expert.  "Senator Kennedy appears to be functioning normally to many people, but it is quite obvious that the man is brain-dead by his public comments.  Most of us in the medical community think he should be allowed to have a dignified death by sobering him up and removing his feeding tube."

Liberals were stuck in a quandary today as they want Terri Schiavo dead, but they don't want Ted Kennedy to die.  "This is a moral dilemma to many people," said Commie Greenstein, a liberal living in New York.  "Fortunately, most of us don't really make decisions based on any morals, so it's okay if we want one person to die while allowing a brain-dead person to live."

Alcohol manufacturers around the world are scrambling to raise money for the "Keep Kennedy Alive" fund.  Removing his feeding tube is predicted to cause a 12% annual decrease in global alcohol consumption.  Some manufacturers risk going out of business as soon as the feeding tube is removed.

 About the Writer: Jeremy Robb is a San Francisco resident and satirist who notes that he is on a "one man's jihad against liberalism." He is the editor of the "Jerhad!com Newsletter" and his website is at http://www.jerhad.com. Jeremy receives e-mail at jeremy@jerhad.com

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RE: "That Ted Kennedy was allowed to escape justice when he was clearly guilty of negligent homicide at a minimum and then REWARDED with a life of political royalty in the U.S. Senate says a lot about the people of Massachusettes and liberals in general."

Excellent!   ...I couldn't agree more...!!!

   
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[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!

[gidget7]

""Ted Kennedy should have fought the removal of hers but he didn't, so he deserves the backhand.""


Yes he does, as all the other unusually closed mouth liberals do!

[verity]

"So it has become a joking matter."

No. The good Senator has ALWAYS been a joke.

[gidget7]

That would be wonderful, but first we need some solid Republican to take him on!! Usually he runs uncontested. So does Kerry, and Olver, but Kerry will have to fight for his seat this time! I will be in line to donate to Corsi's campaign!!

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RE: "I will be in line to donate to Corsi's campaign!!"

Me too!

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Hers is a sad situation on so many levels, but I really don't feel I know enough about it personally to be the one to reasonably comment.

The original post was directed toward derision of the always-too-disgusting Teddy-the-Hutt, not as any sort of comment regarding the unfortunate Terri Schiavo situation. My apologies if it appeared otherwise.

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[Huguenot]

It's okay. This stuff has us all on edge. Sorry if I was being over sensitive.