The Official Jeff Gannon Blog Post

No Easy Answers ^ | 2/26/05 | Dave S.

[finnman69]

The Official Jeff Gannon Blog Post

Hi, this post is all about Jeff Gannon, REAL JEFF GANNON. This post is awesome. I'm a left-wing blogger, and I can't stop thinking about Jeff Gannon. This guy is cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

Facts:

1. Jeff Gannon is a mammal.
2. Jeff Gannon makes out with right-wing extremist guys ALL the time.
3. The purpose of Jeff Gannon is to flip out and ask crazy questions at press conferences.

Weapons and Gear:

Sexy Bald Head


White House Daily Press Pass


Tight leather man pants


Testimonial:

Jeff Gannon can make out with any guy he wants! He makes out with guys all the time, and doesn't even think twice about it! This guy is so crazy and awesome that he flips out ALL the time. I heard that Jeff Gannon was asking softball questions at a White House press conference that Karl Rove gave him. And when some dude asked the President a tough question Jeff Gannon flipped out and made out with an entire newspaper's staff. My friends on liberal blogs said that they saw Jeff Gannon totally humping some liberal just because the liberal opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that Jeff Gannon has REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or he'll go all gay conservative on you!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me. Who needs a life anyways!

Jeff Gannon is sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. This guy is totally awesome and that's a fact. Jeff Gannon is fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet... even sweeter than Dan Rather or Eason Jordan! I can't wait to start my own male escort service next year. I love Jeff Gannon with all of my body (including my pee pee).

Q and A:

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about Jeff Gannon?
A: Jeff Gannon is the ultimate paradox. On the one hand he indiscriminately humps everybody, but on the other hand, Jeff Gannon is very careful and precise.

Q: I heard that Jeff Gannon is always asking softball questions in the nude... What's his problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, Jeff Gannon can ask softball questions in the nude OR be totally awesome.

Q: What does Jeff Gannon do when he's not making out with right-wing guys or flipping out?
A: Most of his free time is spent irritating John Aravosis and other liberals, but sometimes he plants forged documents for Karl Rove. (Ask Congressman Maurice Hinchey from NY if you don't believe me.)


Update:

To preempt any confusion as to the intent of this post... we intended this as a parody of the schizophrenic whining of left-wing bloggers, not to denigrate the illustrious Jeff Gannon, who we think is so totally sweet that we have added his blog to our blogroll.

posted by Dave S. @ 10:22 PM   

[finnman69]

This was a scream...

[MisterRepublican]

Andrew Sullivan makes some good points:

ON GANNON-GUCKERT: I haven't written about it because I agree completely with Glenn (Reynolds of Instapundit). The substantive case against Gannon is trivial; the irrelevant case against him (the one that's fueled this story) is that he's gay, has allegedly been (or still may be) a prostitute, and may not agree with everything the gay left believes (although I agree with David Corn that the evidence that Gannon has written anything even remotely "anti-gay" is laughable).

The real scandal is the blatant use of homophobic rhetoric by the self-appointed Savonarolas of homo-left-wingery. It's an Animal Farm moment: the difference between a fanatic on the gay left and a fanatic on the religious right is harder and harder to discern.

Just ask yourself: if a Catholic conservative blogger had found out that a liberal-leaning pseudo-pundit/reporter was a gay sex worker, had outed the guy as gay and a "hooker," published pictures of the guy naked, and demanded a response from a Democratic administration, do you think gay rights groups would be silent? They'd rightly be outraged. But the left can get away with anything, can't they? Especially homophobia.

[finnman69]

The David Corn (of The Nations') post that you posted on Gannon is even better: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1350581/posts

[elli1]

Now that I'm supposed to care about the sex lives of people in the White House briefing room, will someone please investigate the French-speaking David Gregory & ping me w/ the details.

[MisterRepublican]

Yes, using the new standard of the liberal bloggers, we demand to know the sex lives of all journalists! Our freedom and the nations security depend on knowing the sexual proclivities of the press! Let us demand that Congress pass the Gannon law that shines the sunlight of full disclosure on the personal and not so personal lives of the press!

[Always Right]

What Gannon does on the privacy of the internet is his own business.

[Always Right]

Yes, using the new standard of the liberal bloggers, we demand to know the sex lives of all journalists!

That would be an interesting response to the Gannon situation. Have the White House come out with the following guidelines:

"In an effort to stop another Gannon scandal, we demand to know the complete sexual history of all reporters who wish to obtain a Press pass."

[BibChr]

Did you see THIS?

Dan

[Always Right]

Did you see THIS?

No I didn't, but you were way ahead of me and obviously a far more agressive proposal. I am certain given the gravity of the Gannon situation, the MSM will go along with the reasonableness of the suggestion. The MSM is right on this one, having a gay man within striking distance of the President is just too much to risk.

[BibChr]

...the MSM will go along with the reasonableness of the suggestion.

Absolutely!

It's all about truth, right? No agenda here.

< /s >

Dan

[joesbucks]

Just ask yourself: if a Catholic conservative blogger had found out that a liberal-leaning pseudo-pundit/reporter was a gay sex worker, had outed the guy as gay and a "hooker," published pictures of the guy naked, and demanded a response from a Democratic administration, do you think gay rights groups would be silent? They'd rightly be outraged. But the left can get away with anything, can't they? Especially homophobia.

Both the left and the right are guilty of exploiting the gay issue. We claim we aren't uptight about gays, yet when someone does something we disagree with, and their is a taint of "gayness" about them, we seem to be concerned about it. There have been past posts about concerns regarding Matt Drudge and Ron Reagan when they've written or said something that upsets the right. Daily on his show, Rush Limbaugh would talk down on the Hollywood elietes who used their damge control teams and expensive laywers to buy them out of trouble, yet when his troubles began, he too employed a powerful PR team that specializes in damage control for Hollywood stars and is curently using a lawyer most famous for his defense of William Kennedy Smith. I'm not saying he does or doesn't have a legitimate case regarding his medical records. Depending on who's posisiton your read, one side or the other has the legal upper hand. But his condeming those who read prepared and vetted scripts have been in his site scopes and yet he did the same.

Yes, both sides have been guilty of the politics of destruction. All it takes is for one punch to land. Then it's erredtive.