Posted on 09/25/2004 12:23:51 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
In this PM Edition of the DUmmie FUnnies, we have served up a full buffet of DUmmie paranoia. Now normally when a DUmmie goes on an overly long rant, I snip out only a portion of it for your perusal. However, today’s DUmmie feast is so rich in paranoia, that I am quoting in full (in the colored font) the leadoff post of one “Dems Will Win,” a DUmmie whose rantings exceed even the typical delusional visions on that site. So grab yourself a place at the table and dine on roast brain of DUmmie, served with large dollops of paranoia. As per usual, the commentary of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets].
I’ve called you all into the parlor this evening to announce that I have cracked “The Strange Case of the TANG Forgeries”. I’m sure you all know Roger Stone and his lovely wife Nydia Bertran-Stone, that fiery Cuban rightwinger, who helped him arrange for Cuban righties to come down to the Miami courthouse, riot, and steal the election for Dubya in 2000. And guess who James Baker also asked to come and riot, Harry W. MacDougald, the “eagle-eyed” Buckhead, who announced the TANG documents were forgeries almost immediately, as if he had been forewarned. So Stone and Buckhead rioted together. Harry W. MacDougald is actually part of a gang of Republican lawyers who will do almost anything for the GOP.
[Okay, I’m in your parlor but is all that padding on the walls really necessary? Oh well, stand by and watch in awe as “Dems Will Win” spouts his indisputable proof about how he cracked the case of the TANG Forgeries. Shrinks will be standing by should his brain self-combusts.]
Mr. Stone is infamous for his electioneering dirty tricks for years, and this year he even became the campaign manager and chief money-raiser for Al Sharpton in a blatant attempt to conflate Sharpton with the word Democrat and sink the ticket.
[Little did Stone know that Kerry conflated with the word Democrat and sank the ticket. But permit us to allow “Dems Will Win” to rant on…]
During the Democratic primaries, the AWOL charge came up. Karl Rove, alarmed at this turn of events, decided to forge documents that were based on real documents, with truth in them that reflected badly on the President, but that were fake. If he could get the DNC or the Kerry campaign to run with them, the cry of forgery could be used to shut down all talk of Bush’s National Guard service, once they were exposed. A simple plan, Nazis did it all the time.
[Kudos to “Dems Will Win” for his ability to read the mind of KARL ROVE. And now I learn that the Nazis also used the cry of forgery to shut down all talk of Bush’s National Guard service before he was even born in 1946.]
Only Rove, with Bartlett’s help, could have made the forgeries, for Bartlett was an expert on the TANG records and had documents not yet released to the press. Rove would have kept the circle small, with as few in the know as possible. They forge the memos, originally typed by Mrs. Knox on an old Olympia manual, on a word processor.
[Rove kept the circle small but not small enough to keep “Dems Will Win” out.]
Rove then calls up his best operative who is not officially connected with the campaign--the notorious Roger Stone—someone who would never talk and the only person Rove would give the job to. Rove then gets Stone the TANG forgeries. Nydia Stone, who has a Cuban accent, and has a long history of right-wing politics, having been Nixon’s personal photographer and a photographer at the Reagan White House, offers to play the part of the damsel in distress, Lucy Ramirez. The Stones, who love to put on a good show, are thrilled to be “back in action”.
[Nydia Stone has a Cuban accent and yet she is Latvian. Strange. But it is nice to know the Stones are thrilled to be “back in action.”]
Bill Burkett was the patsy selected by Rove and Bartlett, having had a history of mental illness and known to hate Bush. “Lucy Ramirez” calls Burkett and tells him of the documents, telling him he must get them to Kerry, but that he must promise to destroy the originals as soon as copies them for her sake. Burkett agrees and arranges to meet her at a livestock show in Lubbock.
[A history of mental illness. No wonder Burkett was initially hailed as a hero by the DUmmies. They identified with his paranoia.]
But Lucy doesn’t show up. Not wanting his wife to be the one to make the handoff--it was Roger Stone delivering the hottest envelope of 2004 to Bill Burkett. Stone then turned around and left without saying a word. Burkett, being an honorable man, obeyed the damsel in distress pleas and burned the originals after copying them. "Lucy Ramirez" and the "unknown man with the envelope" disappear.
[Yeah, Burkett burns the original for the “damsel in distress” despite never meeting her. And doesn’t “Lucy Ramirez” and the “unknown man with the envelop” disappearing sound so much like a Mission Impossible team? Could someone please pipe in some “Mission Impossible” theme music to get us all in the conspiratorial mood?]
The trap is set, only Burkett doesn't call anyone about the documents until Mary Mapes tracks him down and asks if there is anything else he knows.
[The “trap is set.” And where is Marlon Perkins of Mutual of Omaha’s “Wild Kingdom”? Hmmm….and that Mary Mapes tracking him down sounds so much like Perkins’ sidekick, Jim. Remember him? Perkins would say something like, “We are floating on a boat in the middle of the Congo surrounded by hundreds of man-eating crocodiles. Jim, why don’t you jump in for a closer look?”]
When the promos for the CBS report come on, Roger Stone phones MacDougald and the trap is set. Within hours, MacDougald has every main point in play and the game begins.
[“The trap is set. And he have a Burkett Patsy bagged and captured. We will return to this exciting adventure but first a word from “Mutual of Omaha.”]
THINK—Why would a Democrat give forged documents to a source like Burkett who could be easily destroyed as a witness?
[Because the Democrat is a DUmmie?]
Only a Republican would do it and Roger and Nydia Stone have been in the middle of top-level dirty tricks for years. Nydia even put Al Sharpton over the top with a $250 contribution from herself and friends, when he almost didn’t make the matching fund threshold.
[And to think that a mere $250 separated Al Sharpton from total obscurity.]
She is as big a right-winger as her husband is. She is no doubt Lucy Ramirez, and what I have laid out here before you is the only probable solution to the whole case, no matter how unlikely that may seem—given Rove and Bartlett’s position.
[Yes, an inescapable conclusion to this whole case. For your effort, you WIN a year’s supply of Lithium treatment!!!]
The final sign that this was a White House forgery came when the reporter interviewing Dan Bartlett noted that his statement that he had no reason to doubt they were forgeries was emphasized so much the reporter noticed it as standing out. Bartlett today cancelled all his appearances, possibly to avoid questioning by the other side.
[Or possibly to avoid your bad breath emitted while spouting your fantasies.]
Even though Rove and Bartlett were taking a tremendous risk, as I like to tell Dr. H20 Man all the time: "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
[“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be paranoia.” And now, Dear Reader, that we have dined on the main course, cooked by the “Dems Will Win” chef, let us savor the side dishes served up by the other Dummies…]
I have suspected...That the mysterious latin Mata Hari was, in fact, Mrs. Stone. Sure would be good to get evidence of that fact.
[Evidence? You want evidence? What are you, some kind of FREEPER troll? Aren’t the delusional speculations of “Dems Will Win” good enough for you? They are BETTER than actual proof!]
My theory exactly...you my friend, are a modern day Sherlock Holmes!
[And you, my friend, are a modern day Dr. Watson…hooked on hallucinogenic drugs.]
Sounds feasible...When will Dan Rather know this and what will he do about it? Have you emailed him?
[YUP! Sounds feasible to me. Not an ounce of evidence and all based on paranoid speculations. Call in Dan Rather! We have another 60 Minutes story for him here!!!]
Now how do we prove it?
[Details! Details! You’re always worrying about petty details!]
How did Stone get to Texas--he no doubt flew, being such a rich dirty trickster and too busy to drive. THere will be an airline record to Lubbock with his name on it. Credit card records--did he rent a car? Did he eat there, etc. Phone records of the Lucy Ramirez calls can be pulled, although they are likely from a phone booth. Can Burkett ID Lucy's voice over the phone. Which phone in Houston di she call from? Plus are there people from Texas, like Burkett himself, who can ID Roger Stone as the man with the envelope, There on March 3, 2004? And what is Roger Stone's alibi for that moment? It better be air-tight.
[Unfortunately, Roger Stone’s alibi IS air-tight. He was in New York at the time smashing Dan Rather’s face in while screaming, “WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY, KENNETH?”]
There's only one problem with this...... and it's that Burkett is contemplating filing a suit against CBS, and won't be cooperating with anyone. Burkett is still insisting that the documents are genuine, even though the originals are now long gone. From all recent accounts, Burkett is a little over the top right now.
["Over the top." Isn’t that just a polite way of saying, “Flat out BONKERS?”]
Any security cameras at the Rodeo that day...maybe one caught the handoff. Longshot but possible.
[Not such a longshot. The handoff has become as big a rodeo event as riding a bucking bronco, cattle roping, or catching greased pigs. And if the handoff maneuver becomes too dangerous, those helpful rodeo clowns are always standing by to step in the way and prevent injuries.]
Glass of schnapps to celebrate the cracking of the case, what?!
[No thanks but a shot of lithium might do the trick.]
Eloriel - those aren't facts. Surmising. Guesses. Maybe even psychic, but not facts. Kind of jumping to conclusion without the links, as you suggest...if the links were there....we might be able to connect dots....but there aren't even dots here to connect Rove to this. Not that we dont think it's a possibility. but we need the stepping stones...not one giant leap to conclusion -
[Lousy Freeper troll! Your rationality will get you BANNED from this DUmmie site!]
Has anybody e-mailed this to Rather and CBS yet? Or Rolling Stone, perhaps?
[Or Weekly World News, perhaps?]
The big question in all this is: Why would Burkitt burn the originals...?
[Because he had the hots for Lucy Ramirez? That hot Latina blood has been known to drive men insane. Case in point---Bill “Burkitt.”]
It's elementary my dear Koko! Burkett is a man of the South, a man who keeps his promises, especially to a damsel in distress as Lucy Ramirez pretended to be. She asked him to burn the originals, which he did later in a warehouse I believe. The originals actually were kept until then.
[Bill Burkett is a man of the South. A land of gentlemen and Cavaliers. Of cotton plantations and fine manners. A land that is now Gone With The Wind. Hand me a mint julep, honey, so I can drown my sorrows and sing goodbye to ol’ Dixieland. Old times there are not forgotten. Look away! Look away! Dixieland!]
See, to me there are so many loose ends with this story, I feel we know very little, but what Burkett is telling us. What if Lucy Ramirez is a red herring? Just to make us think it's Rove or Stone. What if it was someone in CBS working against Rather? Would Rove be so sloppy?
[What if Lucy Ramirez is a blue octopus? What if we were visited by space aliens? Would Rove be so sloppy?]
"Dear Mr. Burkett, this is a matter of life and death. I'm so afraid. It is of the utmost importance that the originals be destroyed. I can not take the chance of the evil BCF, being able to ID me by my fingerprints. So, please Mr. Burkett, you understand, that the only way I can give you these documents, is if you promise me to destroy them after you make copies. Oh thank you, Mr. Burkett, I knew you would understand."
[“Dear Mr. Burkett, this is a matter of life and death. I’m so afraid that I’m crapping in my panties. It is of the utmost importance that the originals be destroyed. So please help me, Mr. Burkett. I must rely on the kindness of strangers.”]
Then where did "getting papers at State Fair in Lubbock" story come from..
[From the delusions of a paranoid DUmmie mind.]
PING!
Holy contortion, Batman!
Geesh, are you trying to destroy my eyes....I can barely read it....Pale Green????
One wonders what the color of the sky is in their world.
This DU conspiracy must be true; you see, the lack of proof proves how good the conspiracy was.
;-)
The weird thing is I typed font color="red" but for some reason it came out green. Why?
Yeah, that's exactly what I would do if I was afraid...I'd hand over the originals and trust this wacko to get rid of them for me.
Oh god, I can't believe I am responding to this!
Select unreadable text with your mouse. Makes it much more readable generally.
should have done color="#FF0000"
Yeah. Highlight it with your mouse. I did type font color="red" but for some strange reason it came out red. I still can't figure that out.
One wonders what the color of the sky is in their world.
The weird thing is I typed font color="red" but for some reason it came out green. Why?
Careful.... their demented dimension may be trying to spill over. 8-(
But font color="red" should have worked. It always did iin the past.
Maybe as the post above suggested, their demented dimension is slipping in.
That reminds me of a newspaper column I once wrote about a New Age con artist named Guru Baghman Shrill Baksheesh who lived in the fifth dimension. The Guru claimed that, "In your dimension, UP is the opposite of DOWN. But in our dimension, UP is three miles East of Philadelphia."
Well, see PUKE green is quite appropriate for DUMMIES...You probably could even make it another color if you wanted too.
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