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Oral-sex issue hits middle schools (posted 6/10/2002)
Lexington Herald Leader ^ | Jun. 09, 2002 | Valarie Honeycutt Spears

Posted on 06/10/2002 4:35:38 AM PDT by Pern

Isolated incidents of oral sex on campus and talk among middle-school students of the behavior occurring at off-campus parties has alarmed some Fayette County school administrators and parents who plan meetings on the topic.

Physicians, including one who has seen an increase in sexually transmitted diseases among middle school students, and other professionals are promoting frank discussions about oral sex to discourage students from engaging in it. Still, all agree the practice is limited to a small number of students, some of whom do not equate oral sex to intercourse.

Since Beaumont Middle School principal Tom Mowery wrote to parents in December asking them "to be aware of the prevalence of oral sex at off-campus parties at the middle-school level," administrators at one school referred an incident to law enforcement, and administrators at another school, Jessie Clark Middle, called in parents to discuss a situation.

Diane Woods, the district's middle school director, put the topic on the agenda for a future principals meeting. She said she was notified of a report of oral sex occurring between two students on campus at Tates Creek Middle School several weeks ago.

Without releasing specifics, Tates Creek Middle School assistant principal Earl Stivers said the incident was investigated "both by law enforcement and administratively."

Students' remarks have made doctors and parents fear the activity is more widespread.

Dr. Hatim Omar, a University of Kentucky specialist in adolescent medicine, said that just since January, he has treated at least 10 middle school-age students for sexually transmitted diseases they said they had contracted through oral sex. That's up from six cases in 2001 and two each in 1999 and 2000.

Four students, treated for tonsillitis caused by gonorrhea, attributed their conditions to so-called "head parties," Omar said.

Also since January, he has seen students from every middle school in Fayette County who admit that they have engaged in oral sex or attended parties where students have engaged in oral sex.

Parents and administrators are responding. Besides principals addressing the topic, Beaumont PTA president Debbie Boian wants middle school PTA leaders to discuss developing programs at each school to talk to students about risky behavior.

"It's easy to say, 'Oh those kids are just bragging about having oral sex,'" Boian said. "But if there is any truth to it, you should" address the issue.

Nationally, public-health experts report that teen-agers appear to be engaging in high-risk sexual practices without caution and with alarming casualness. Nearly 1 in 10 reports losing his or her virginity before the age of 13, a 15 percent increase since 1997, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. According to several surveys, as many as half of teens ages 13 to 19 say they have had oral sex. Other communities across the country are grappling with the problem and are instituting policies that require more supervision and education.

Lexington pediatrician Tom Pauly said his patients are asking him about oral sex and telling him they think it's safer than vaginal intercourse.

"It's a new issue," said Bryan Station Middle Counselor Lynette Schmiedeknecht. "It's more part of the culture, more talked about. It seems that in talking with the kids, they don't consider oral sex (to be) sex. They just think it's something they do as an adolescent."

Dealing with incidents directly and speaking bluntly with middle school students is key to helping them understand the ramifications of their decisions, parents and doctors said. Damage to reputations and illnesses are two of the dangers.

"We advise them to abstain," Pauly said. "We talk about medical complications and the psychosocial complications of engaging in oral sex at such a young age."

After Jessie Clark Middle students talked about the popularity of oral sex with an assistant principal this spring, principal Steve Carmichael said: "We invited two moms to come in and shared our concerns. It wasn't a conversation as awkward as you might think. We would rather overreact than underreact."

The issue isn't a routine part of sex education classes, officials said.

Mike Kennedy, acting health education coordinator, said that until 1990, the district had a sex education curriculum. But now, site-based councils at each school are responsible for deciding what kind of sex education is dispensed, he said.

Seven middle schools offer programs that teach abstinence only, Kennedy said. Other schools cover sex education in health classes. But Kennedy said he doesn't think oral sex is discussed anywhere as part of the middle school curriculum.

At Beaumont, principal Mowery said the quick intervention -- writing to parents -- was successful. Parents responded to meetings about how to discuss sexual issues with their children. And as the year progressed, counselors and administrators had fewer kids talking about the parties.

Only a small minority of students have actually had oral sex, Mowery thinks.

"Ninety percent of our kids," he said, "make good decisions in every aspect of their lives."


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To: JediGirl
It is important that they realize that not being with somebody you care for cheapens the experience and is detrimental to many young women's well-being.

JediGirl to daughter: "If you care for him, go ahead and have sex with him. If you find you don't like him, and you care for someone else, go and have sex with him. If you 'care for' three guys in your high school class, it's OK to service them. But to have sex without 'caring' would cheapen yourself!

121 posted on 06/10/2002 1:52:43 PM PDT by yendu bwam
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To: yendu bwam
Thus, clearly, a great many teenagers are able to control themselves - even in a culture that glorifies any and all sexual acts. For those teenagers that do have sex, and even when they use a condom (which is useless with regard to many viral STDs), they risk getting: herpes, AIDs, and human papillomavirus.

That's why I stress the importance of being sure of who you're with. Not everybody has an STD. I think it best to be with your partner for some time before having sex.

122 posted on 06/10/2002 1:53:02 PM PDT by JediGirl
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To: yendu bwam
"If you care for him, go ahead and have sex with him. If you find you don't like him, and you care for someone else, go and have sex with him. If you 'care for' three guys in your high school class, it's OK to service them. But to have sex without 'caring' would cheapen yourself!

I love how the religious right puts words in other's mouths. I never at once said I'd tell my daughter to sleep around and such a response is worthy of being called pathetic. I would tell my daughter that I would prefer she be safe if she is going to have sex. That I would want her to be in a relationship for more than 3 months before going ahead with such a big step in a relationship. To be sure that she truly cares for this person, because she is giving herself to him.

123 posted on 06/10/2002 1:56:00 PM PDT by JediGirl
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To: clouda
"According to my fifteen year old daughter, most girls don't consider oral sex as having sex. They consider it as, "doing a guy a favor".

You mature babes could take a lesson from these girls!

124 posted on 06/10/2002 1:57:47 PM PDT by Destructor
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To: JediGirl
Teenagers will have sex. It is a fact. It is better that they do so with a condom and learn how to properly use one than to be told that sex is evil until you're married.

I was waiting for someone to trot out this tired nonsense.

You know, it's true: some teenagers will have sex. But would one of the resident "just let 'em do it, and teach 'em how" sex ed apologists please explain for me why so many more teenagers are having sex, now that we have condoms in every drugstore, abortionists in every city, and so-called "entertainers" wailing smutty lyrics while wearing little or nothing ... on TV that's targeted to 13-year-olds?

I mean, you wouldn't care to take a break from surrendering to the depraved mores of the age for just a minute, to admit that perhaps those mores are part of the problem, not part of the solution ... would you?

I mean, yeah, 100 years ago some teenagers had sex. If the girl's daddy found out, they visited a judge with a little prodding from daddy's shotgun. If too many boys found out that a girl was easy, she could count on marrying someone at the bottom of the barrel, because decent boys weren't interested in a slut.

And you know what? Oral gonorrhea was something only prostitutes got. Genital herpes was unknown. Marriage was respected and valued, and promiscuity was considered a disgrace. Oh, and we didn't rip up 1.4 million unborn kids every year, either.

You go ahead and think today's gutter morals are an improvement if you want to. As for me and my house, we will say defiantly: h*ll no!

125 posted on 06/10/2002 1:59:09 PM PDT by Campion
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To: JediGirl
Not everybody has an STD.

Whenever you sleep with a guy, you're exposing yourself to all the bad STD stuff that that guy was exposed to in his past sexual experiences. Many times, people have STDs for long periods of time without even knowing it. At some colleges, half of the women have chlamydia. Unless you're requiring your boyfriends to have complete medical checkups before engaging in sex (which somehow I doubt), it's only a matter of time before you end up with a bad surprise.

126 posted on 06/10/2002 1:59:57 PM PDT by yendu bwam
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To: JediGirl
"That I would want her to be in a relationship for more than 3 months before going ahead with such a big step in a relationship. To be sure that she truly cares for this person, because she is giving herself to him."

Ok, three months is the minimum you would like for her to wait before giving herself to a boy. Is there a specific location that you prefer for her to be for making love with her boyfriend? Anyway,at least, you are not saying two or three dates.

127 posted on 06/10/2002 2:01:03 PM PDT by Don Myers
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To: JediGirl
Not everybody has an STD.

Not every STD has a cure. Some of them are your "friend" for life.

128 posted on 06/10/2002 2:01:41 PM PDT by Campion
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To: JediGirl
It is better that they do so with a condom and learn how to properly use one than to be told that sex is evil until you're married. Abstinence is chosen by many. As is the choice to engage in sexual relations before marriage. I respect each belief and [I] do not value one over the other.

Doublethink?

129 posted on 06/10/2002 2:02:54 PM PDT by Sloth
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To: Campion
And you know what? Oral gonorrhea was something only prostitutes got. Genital herpes was unknown. Marriage was respected and valued, and promiscuity was considered a disgrace. Oh, and we didn't rip up 1.4 million unborn kids every year, either. You go ahead and think today's gutter morals are an improvement if you want to. As for me and my house, we will say defiantly: h*ll no!

So many of our kids are so deep in the gutter, they don't even know there's another way. It's very, very sad. But such won't happen in my house either. Bravo and well said, CAmpion!!!

130 posted on 06/10/2002 2:03:04 PM PDT by yendu bwam
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To: Campion
"I mean, yeah, 100 years ago some teenagers had sex. If the girl's daddy found out, they visited a judge with a little prodding from daddy's shotgun. If too many boys found out that a girl was easy, she could count on marrying someone at the bottom of the barrel, because decent boys weren't interested in a slut."

Teens have changed because parents have changed. We have one parent who wants her daughter to wait three months before having sex. It used to be that parents controlled their kids and shotgun weddings were the norm when daughters had sex with a boyfriend. Times have really changed. One thing has not changed. Decent boys still are not interested in sluts.

131 posted on 06/10/2002 2:04:17 PM PDT by Don Myers
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To: JediGirl
That I would want her to be in a relationship for more than 3 months before going ahead with such a big step in a relationship.

Wow, a whole three months!!! Nope, that wouldn't be sleeping around at all.

132 posted on 06/10/2002 2:05:20 PM PDT by yendu bwam
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To: Don Myers
Decent boys still are not interested in sluts.

And smart boys are not interested in sluts. The trouble is, they are having to search farther and wider to find girls who aren't. The girls have devalued themselves enormously.

133 posted on 06/10/2002 2:06:46 PM PDT by yendu bwam
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To: Destructor
on a lighter note: pa and ma were sitting on the front porch rocking...all of a sudden, ma reaches over and backhands pa completely out of his chair...pa asks "ma, what was that for"? ma says, "that's for 40 yrs of lousy sex"!! pa gets up off the floor and sits back down and begins to rock again...suddenly, pa backhands ma out of her chair..ma asks, "pa, what was that for"? pa says, "that's for knowing the difference"!!!!
134 posted on 06/10/2002 2:07:39 PM PDT by cajun-jack
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To: RooRoobird14
Even more horrifying: Daughter told me that a boy at school she barely knows asked her "Do you spit or swallow?" She didn't know what that meant, and was grossed out when I told her.

Just out of curiousity, how much trouble would she have been in for slapping him? (IMHO, that's the only appropriate response to that kind of question. Except maybe if it was a doctor asking.)

If your answer is "a whole truckload of industrial-strength trouble," then we clearly have a sign that the schools' priorities are bass-ackwards.

135 posted on 06/10/2002 2:08:43 PM PDT by Chemist_Geek
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To: yendu bwam
Nope, that wouldn't be sleeping around at all.

When I say "more than 3 months" it doesn't mean, exactly 3 months. It means longer than a short period of time so that you have a pretty well established idea as to who he is. And the phrase "sleeping around" implies sexual activity with more than one person in a short period of time with no relationship attached.

136 posted on 06/10/2002 2:09:58 PM PDT by JediGirl
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To: yendu bwam
Even many of the girls who are not sluts want someone to treat them like dirt.
137 posted on 06/10/2002 2:09:59 PM PDT by Sloth
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To: Sloth
me:It is better that they do so with a condom and learn how to properly use one than to be told that sex is evil until you're married. Abstinence is chosen by many. As is the choice to engage in sexual relations before marriage. I respect each belief and [I] do not value one over the other. Doublethink?

No. I should perhaps clarify what i am saying: The above applies to teens who are already engaging in sex or are planning on doing so. Telling them that they should be abstinent is counter-productive if information on how to be somewhat safe when it comes to having sex is not provided as well. They will not care if they plan on engaging in sex anyway.

138 posted on 06/10/2002 2:13:32 PM PDT by JediGirl
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To: Chemist_Geek
that's the only appropriate response to that kind of question.

I have a better one. Spit a big gob of spit right in his face, then say, "Hmm ... guess I spit ... do you swallow?"

139 posted on 06/10/2002 2:14:40 PM PDT by Campion
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To: Campion
Not every STD has a cure. Some of them are your "friend" for life.

Which is why I stress the importance of carefully choosing a partner.

140 posted on 06/10/2002 2:15:28 PM PDT by JediGirl
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