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I Cheated On My Boyfriend 3 Times, & I Learned I Was Too Immature For Love (melted snowflake alert)
Elites Daily Magazine ^ | 4 hours ago | By Sadie Trombetta

Posted on 11/07/2017 1:15:39 PM PST by drewh

When I was a freshman in college, I thought I met the love of my life. He was cool and fun and sexy, an older frat guy who was good at beer pong and knew exactly how to make me laugh. Within weeks of our first meeting, he became my official boyfriend. Within six months, we moved in together. Another six months later and we were engaged.

It was a whirlwind romance by any definition — except for the fact that I cheated on my boyfriend three times. Despite the heartache it caused, my experience with infidelity taught me a lot about love, relationships, and growing up.

Before college, I had been a serial monogamist. Since my first schoolgirl relationship at 14, I had several long-term boyfriends, and was never single for longer than two months at a time. I lost my virginity the summer before high school, and after that, had been sexually active with my subsequent partners. Despite my "experience," as my friends and future boyfriends would call it, I had no idea what it was like to be in a serious adult relationship — that is, until I went off to college.

That's when I met the man I would date, get engaged to, and inevitably cheat on. That's when I learned what a real romantic relationship was.

The beginning of my relationship with my college boyfriend was like a fairy tale. We were inseparable: He walked me to class, studied with me in the library, ate meals with me, and slept over nearly every night. We partied together on weekends, got to know each other's friends, and started talking about The Future. I was 18, and although I had been in what I had considered a "serious" relationship before, this was the first time I had the freedom to explore what I thought an adult relationship was supposed to be like — love, sex, drama and all.

The first time I cheated on my boyfriend, I wrote it off as a foolish mistake. I was drunk at a concert with a group of friends who found some cute boys for us to hang out with. After a half-dozen 20-ounce beers, a couple of joints, and a few sexy country songs, could I really be help accountable for my drunken actions? I loved my boyfriend, after all, and I knew we were going to be together forever, so what was one stupid mistake?

Even though I tried to write it off as insignificant, a week after I cheated I fessed up to my boyfriend out of sheer guilt. His face crumpled as I admitted, as he had suspected, that something did happen the night of the concert I didn't want to tell him about. His eyes burned with anger when I tried to tell him the same excuse I had been telling myself: I was drunk, and it didn't mean anything.

Eventually, he did forgive me, but after cheating, there was a distance between us that no amount of time seemed to be able to close. Something had changed in our relationship, and it wasn't just broken trust on behalf of my boyfriend. It was an uneasy feeling in my gut and a tiny voice in my head that said, But what if you did mean it?

Something had changed in our relationship, and it wasn't just broken trust on behalf of my boyfriend. It was an uneasy feeling in my gut and a tiny voice in my head that said, But what if you did mean it?

The second time I cheated on my boyfriend was no drunken mistake, and both of us knew it. After partying with friends, I ended up at a former crush's house and quite predictably, one thing lead to another and we slept together. The next day, that uneasy feeling in my gut had some company: pure guilt, and an overwhelming sense of being a truly terrible person. The voice got louder too, and started to say more: You did mean it, and this won't be the last time this happens, either.

When I cheated on my boyfriend for the third and last time, he wasn't actually my boyfriend — he was my fiancé. Despite the bumps in our relationship, a combination of our feelings for one another, a heavy dose of hormones, and the idea of finding happily ever after kept hurtled us towards a disastrous engagement that would only last seven uncomfortable months.

A month before it all fell apart, I cheated on my then-fiancé with another former crush, and even before our lips touched, I knew I was doing something wrong, but that I wouldn't regret it. I needed this infidelity to get me out of my relationship, something I knew deep down needed to happen, but something I was too weak and too immature to do on my own. So I cheated — again — and it served as one last sign that not only were my fiancé and I not meant to be, but I was not mature enough to really be with anyone.

That's the biggest lesson cheating taught me: that fidelity is an exercise in trust and maturity, one that not everyone can perform. I certainly couldn't at age 20, and it showed me that not only was I not ready for a serious monogamous relationship with my ex, but that I was not ready for a serious monogamous relationship at all. I may have felt like an adult, but I didn't have the relationship experience, communication skills, patience, or empathy to embark on a forever kind of love I so desperately wanted to have. I was selfish, uncaring, immature, and too caught up in the idea of what relationships are supposed to be, rather than what my relationship was actually like.

Cheating ripped away the false narrative about my relationship that I had created — we were in love, and with love came pain and drama — and instead illuminated my love, or lack thereof, for what it was: hurtful and ugly and so necessary for me to become the faithful person I am today.

Cheating ripped away the false narrative about my relationship that I had created — we were in love, and with love came pain and drama — and instead illuminated my love, or lack thereof, for what it was: hurtful and ugly and so necessary for me to become the faithful person I am today.

They say once a cheater, always a cheater, but after my experience, I can say that phrase is patently false. Cheating on my boyfriend multiple times taught me invaluable, albeit painful, lessons in love and relationships, on adulthood and maturity, on growing up. My actions showed me that relationships take a lot of work, not just together, but within oneself. It can't be forced, it can't be rushed, and it can't be half-hearted. When it is, people — yourself, your partner, your loved ones — get hurt.

Cheating taught me that kind of hurt never quite goes away.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: cheating; deludedfool; feminazism; lowselfesteem; mgtow; pus; redpill; sexpositiveagenda; sloot; slutwalk; smashmonogamy
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To: nopardons
Unlike you, both are well educated, intelligent, successful, interesting, happy, well adjusted, and aren't afraid of intelligent women.

But they're married to you.

*shiver*

321 posted on 11/09/2017 1:58:58 PM PST by bagster (It's okay to be white.)
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To: nopardons
>>It’s a pentagram,

That's right - it's a pentagram.

And What's the related symbolism of that in the context of this feminine religious imagery - before the heroin gets counterfeited?


322 posted on 11/09/2017 1:59:33 PM PST by HLPhat ("TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS" -- Government with any other purpose is not American.)
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To: nopardons
afraid of intelligent women.

Facts not in evidence.

323 posted on 11/09/2017 2:00:26 PM PST by bagster (It's okay to be white.)
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To: nopardons

Remind me about Scarlett Street. Yes, M definitely has a noir flavor. Brilliant Germany before it crashed and burned thanks to Hitler. I’m also a fan of Louise Brooks’ German films, Pandora’s Box & Diary of a Lost Girl. Sexuality and sensuality without all the disgusting crap that goes on in modern Hollywood trash-fests. (Although these movies push the envelope.)


324 posted on 11/09/2017 2:00:52 PM PST by miss marmelstein
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To: miss marmelstein
From the females I know and my male friends talk about in my life, the meme doesn't lie.

Even my hyper-conservative mom who I had to skillfully avoid a confrontation about the "minimum wage" falls into the too emotional/less reasonable category.

Also talk to a modern day female and you will find that the males in this thread are correct.

"My career and my emotions above everyone and everything" crap princess mentality they have. Men want a wife and mother to their kids, not a careerist competitor. That is the problem in modern day relationships as the birth rates fall do to "muh female empowerment". "Be fruitful and multiply" was not advice, but a command.
325 posted on 11/09/2017 2:01:59 PM PST by rollo tomasi (Working hard to pay for deadbeats and corrupt politicians.)
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To: nopardons

>>And that picture looks nothing at all like the drawings
>>of Baphomet. Also, the “Pentagram” was a much, much
>>later invention.

The popular occult association isn’t exactly a secret:

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Baphomet+Pentagram


326 posted on 11/09/2017 2:02:14 PM PST by HLPhat ("TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS" -- Government with any other purpose is not American.)
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To: bagster

Our other halves aren’t brain-dead women haters. Makes all the difference, you know?


327 posted on 11/09/2017 2:05:38 PM PST by miss marmelstein
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To: miss marmelstein
Our other halves aren’t brain-dead women haters.

Yea, but they're still married to you, no matter how wonderful they are.

I would wish that hell on no man.

328 posted on 11/09/2017 2:07:13 PM PST by bagster (It's okay to be white.)
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To: HLPhat; nopardons

You’re behaving as if we all took a film class this week and Metropolis was up for a screening (which is why I suspect you’ve just seen it for the first time). I haven’t watched the film in a year and even if I did just watch it, I wouldn’t bedevil myself with the endless symbolism of Fritz Lang’s vision. If you really want to discuss art, ask the numbskulls on FR why it is a cultural desert.


329 posted on 11/09/2017 2:09:39 PM PST by miss marmelstein
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To: bagster

And I wouldn’t wish YOU on the biggest liberal slut (the favorite word here) out there.


330 posted on 11/09/2017 2:11:34 PM PST by miss marmelstein
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To: bagster
I suggest that you sue every single school that you ever attended, get some much needed educational remedial help, as well as some psychiatric help and counselling.

Was/is your ex-wife a Feminazi?

Do you hate your mother, or is it that you've just always had a massive amount of problems with females of any age ?

Look, I never said that the girl who supposedly wrote this article was anything but a stupid, immoral slut, who was probably raised by lousy parents.

The crux of our disagreement goes directly to your blind, stubborn, incessant and unrelenting blaming of "feminism" for the origin and sole cause of the destruction and debasement of our culture, manners, and morals, which is just NOT factual.

331 posted on 11/09/2017 2:12:59 PM PST by nopardons
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To: miss marmelstein
And I wouldn’t wish YOU on the biggest liberal slut

Well, there. Even.

Now we can be friends again.

332 posted on 11/09/2017 2:14:04 PM PST by bagster (It's okay to be white.)
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To: rollo tomasi

Maybe these women are just smarter than you and wouldn’t be caught dead with you. Maybe you should try dieting or the Hair for Men website or stop reading articles in men’s magazines on “How to Find a Pliant Wife in Thailand.”


333 posted on 11/09/2017 2:14:14 PM PST by miss marmelstein
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To: nopardons

>>I know the movie by heart and I know what “MOLOCH”
>>refers to so just WHY did you post “Molok”?

{ shrug } I misspelled it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moloch

And my analysis of what was being illustrated the context of the Biblical history of Ba’al remains.

It’s the worship of the state-establishment as a godhead - in violation of the 1st Commandment, among others.

They worshiped and served their created things...


334 posted on 11/09/2017 2:14:52 PM PST by HLPhat ("TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS" -- Government with any other purpose is not American.)
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To: bagster
Blame the MAN who started that; not those who replied to those posts.

"Mental patient"?

Talking about yourself, again, are you ?

335 posted on 11/09/2017 2:15:04 PM PST by nopardons
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To: miss marmelstein

>>If you really want to discuss art,

No. I’m happy discussing feminism as it was illustrated in the context of the counterfeit Marie.

YMMV!


336 posted on 11/09/2017 2:16:16 PM PST by HLPhat ("TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS" -- Government with any other purpose is not American.)
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To: miss marmelstein

>>(which is why I suspect you’ve just seen it for the first time).

You suspect wrong.


337 posted on 11/09/2017 2:18:08 PM PST by HLPhat ("TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS" -- Government with any other purpose is not American.)
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To: nopardons
blaming of "feminism" for the origin and sole cause of the destruction and debasement of our culture, manners, and morals, which is just NOT factual.

Feminism plays a major part. It plays an exclusive part in the sexual practices of both men and women. Feminism has taken away the taboo against sluttery in general. That's just a fact.

Sex used to mean something, now it's just exercise. Feminism turned a child into an inconvenience.

Feminism.

You just don't want to see what is apparent to anybody. You let your ego blind you.

Get woke, sister-friend!

338 posted on 11/09/2017 2:20:00 PM PST by bagster (It's okay to be white.)
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To: HLPhat

Then you need to learn to articulate your point of view better and not get all tied up in tinfoil hat theories on the movie. Why don’t you focus on the amazing Art Deco in it?


339 posted on 11/09/2017 2:20:45 PM PST by miss marmelstein
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To: bagster
No, I'm NOT "enjoying" this at all; however, I'm not about to allow you and your "pals" to post bilge and get away with it.

Nor am I going to allow your attempted shaming to go unanswered, because I just happen to know about a lot of different topics, have a good vocabulary ( which I have to dumb down here, because of people like you who are befuddle and intimidated by it ), by not replying.

Actually, you are a bore, ill mannered, uneducated, and IF you are willing to just call it quits, I shall too.

340 posted on 11/09/2017 2:22:54 PM PST by nopardons
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