So You Really Think Soccer Blows?

9. June 2006 | 1rudethug

[1rudeboy]

So you Think Soccer Sucks?

Fine. I am honestly surprised that you could find the energy to type it, or its equivalent. I am not surprised that you are probably the same person complaining that soccer is being “rammed down your throat,” or other such nonsense.

Do you realize how silly you sound? In what sort of universe can a professional sport, any professional sport, be forced upon anyone? Just turn off the sports media. That enough should be understandable to every member of this website, even the re-treads, trolls, disruptors, and shills.

But we need to get a few things straight. Above all else, your team is playing in the largest tournament on the face of our planet. That’s right, your team. Your other teams, be they named Penske, Padres, or Packers, do not perform on such a stage. A Packer fan may tell a Bear fan that his team sucks. The Bear fan will reply in kind. Such is the nature of rivalry. But try and explain to me that soccer is a wussy sport when I see the following:

Mexican fan: Your team sucks.
U.S.A. fan: Soccer is ghey.

Oh yeah, that’s real testosterone on display. Chicks dig a competitor.

If you cannot bring yourself to cheer for or even defend your own country, then how about shutting the heck up. If you cannot bring yourself to shut the heck up, then walk into a stadium full of English, German, or Dutch fans, stand up, and shout the same out loud. But please try those fans first. Other countries’ fans may mistakenly deliver you to a painless death. Drink a beer or two if it makes you brave. Remember that there will always be someone braver than you.

I don’t want to hear about how soccer is a “socialist” sport. It’s insulting. To your intelligence. I don’t care to talk about restrictor-plates, revenue-sharing, anti-trust exemptions, or the Fair Catch Rule, whose very name suggests wine spritzers and flower arrangements. Please understand this is not about the superiority of one sport over another. This is about rising to the pinnacle of a sport that gives every country in the world the opportunity to qualify. It’s a sport. It has a ball. It's about being the best. What more do you need?

Americans love to fight - traditionally. All real Americans love the sting and clash of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble player; the fastest runner; the big league ball players; the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans despise cowards. Americans play to win - all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed.¹

I don’t want to hear that the rules are lame. You don’t know the rules. You all but admitted you don’t watch, so how can you? Injury time, the calculation of which was always the source of debate, is now announced at the sideline as the half is ending. It’s been that way for years. Please try and keep up.

Players take dives. Live with it. It happens in every contact sport. Sometimes a player takes a dive in order to give himself or his teammates a rest. You would also if you just spent the last forty minutes and incalculable miles alternating between a run and a sprint.

Your team needs you. Your country needs you. The next couple weeks will not be easy and will only become harder, and the stakes higher, as time goes on. Sure, I think Landon Donavan is a priss, DaMarcus Beasley is over-rated, and Claudio Reyna is too old. It matters not. I do not expect you to start drinking at 5AM. I do not expect you to march down Main Street with the Stars & Stripes. I do not expect four Chicago cops in riot-gear come to the apartment (my personal best). But I expect you to get behind your team or get out of my way.

Thanks for letting me “share.” Thanks for letting me “emote.” Chuckle if you wish. Just remember that somewhere (not necessarily in Germany) someone in American gear is drinking and dancing with a hot Brazilian, or Swedish, or Australian chick and you are not.

_____
¹George S. Patton, Speech to the Third Army, 1944.

[1rudeboy]

You must be new to these soccer threads.

[Darkwolf377]

OK, let's try again--you don't know the difference between being told something, and being forced to do something?

[dfwgator]

We need to get a Euro with attitude in here to be our next coach.

I think if Klinsmann succeeds with Germany, then he would be the logical choice to be the US Coach in 2010. He lives in California, and has an American wife. He is still a little green as a coach, but he's got some interesting ideas about training, and he knows how soccer needs to be played at the next level. It might not be a good fit with the more conservative German soccer crowd, but it just might be the shot in the arm the US team needs. We'll see.

[1rudeboy]

Of course I do. Your turn--you've never seen someone complain that soccer is being "forced down his throat," or other such nonsense?

[Darkwolf377]

See post #193--you know, when I answered your assertion the first time?

If you can't recall a point you already made and my response to it after ten minutes or so, you're not scoring too many points in this debate. But considering the game you're into, scoring points probably isn't a priority with you.

[1rudeboy]

Ok, you've never seen it . . . therefore it does not exist. Got it.

[Darkwolf377]

Is that the "sport" where a bunch of homosexuals in pajamas run around kicking the round white and black ball?

I'm not one of these bashers the Superfan on this thread is whining about, but I find it to be a sport for little boys. Even the pro players seem like girlyman types--or maybe I should say metrosexuals, since they could kick my head in. I'm not attacking their sexuality, I'm saying they remind me of the "boymen" who are ruining this world, the kind who never want to grow up, or "win" if it means someone else loses.

It's a sport that gives off a vibe of wannabes, which is why its fans get so violent--they have no lives so they invest all their ego into a sport of unthreatening stand-ins.

[Darkwolf377]

You don't have a lot of ability at debate, do you?

You asked if I've seen it. I haven't.

Your response is to pout and whine "OK, you've never seen it...therefore it does not exist."

You asked: "Your turn--you've never seen someone complain that soccer is being "forced down his throat," or other such nonsense?"

My answer is no, I haven't seen it. Period.

So stop whining like a little baby because I didn't give you the answer you wanted.

Keep going, you're doing wonders for the reputation of soccer fans.

[raybbr]

How lonely you must feel - being an American (?) who loves soccer. Using patriotism to cajole others into watching this sport (I kind of enjoy watching if nothing else is on) tells me how desperate soccer fans are to get us involved.

[Dutchgirl]

My son in law (from Ecuador by way of Canada) told me that one team had a player that produced an "auto-goal" scoring against his team and the fans killed him after the match. This may be an urban legend, but the hooligans and deaths of fans at soccer matches are not.

Americans like "war" for killing people and "sports" for community interaction and spending quality time with the kids. That's why we have family zones at the stadiums. Would you bring your kid to soccer?

One of my employees is from Morocco. He told me that Morocco had beaten the American team at some match, and that the fans were very rude and the US fans didn't respond, they "just took it." He wants to be a US citizen and he just couldn't understand why the US fans were so passive.

I explained to him that good athletes in America usually play football, or baseball or basketball and even hockey. That for an American athlete to choose soccer, he's like a really ugly man choosing a life of chastity.

I suspect that there are Americans wearing some sort of USA jersey involved in synchronized swimming but it doesn't make my heart swell with pride the way, say, the sound of an F-16 does.

I actually think it's good that there is one thing on this planet that allows third worlders a brief feeling of superiority over the US. It's a fair exchange. We get to be a super-power, but we have to suck at something we don't care about--and the world gets a chance to feel a little less resentful.

I'll also admit that I think the Norwegians make better lutefisk than the US and that Morocco has better camels and that Dracula is Romanian ...(another employee is from Romania.) The families they left behind may not have electricity, paved roads or modern plumbing, but they can be proud of beating the US at soccer.

VS

[darkangel82]

My son in law (from Ecuador by way of Canada) told me that one team had a player that produced an "auto-goal" scoring against his team and the fans killed him after the match. This may be an urban legend, but the hooligans and deaths of fans at soccer matches are not.

No, it's true. It happened after the 94 Cup to Andres Escobar of Colombia.

[secret garden]

C'mon Dutchie. Without soccer where would the Capri sun and orange slice businesses be in this country? ;)

[Dutchgirl]

Capri sun and orange slice

In my previous post, I referred to "really ugly men who choose chastity."

Imagine you are an advertising agency "selling" soccer in the US. I saw a few interesting commercials in spanish today at my daughter's house. She was watching univision because there isn't an English speaking channel carrying the world cup in this market. I saw a lot of coca-cola ads and a lot of silicone...

[secret garden]

Omigosh, those balloons are suffocating her!

[GOP_Raider]

That makes sense now that I think about it, since I considered it to be a six of one/half a dozen of the other kind of thing--i.e.: why tack on extra time to the game when you could just stop the clock?

[1rudeboy]

Please, please, please try to read the original post before responding. "Please understand this is not about the superiority of one sport over another."

[1rudeboy]

If you wish to see what messing with the clock can do . . . check out MLS. What an abomination.

[1rudeboy]

I identified three (or more) themes that people who are so insecure about their own manhood use to bash soccer, and posted them in the form of a itty bitty essay. Your response? "I haven't seen it." Positively brilliant. As far as image is concerned, do you think I care? Do you expect me to believe that you arrived on this thread with an open mind? LOL

[1rudeboy]

I don't have kids. If I did, I would understand the risk of bringing them to any sporting event.

[BJClinton]