Poetry and Potpourri .... October 3 - 4 - 5, 2003

10-03-2003 | JustAmy, St.Louie1 and Mama_Bear

[JustAmy]

Good Morning, Meekie ..... Happy Saturday!

[JustAmy]

LOL

"I've always wanted to be on a Clinton rope line, smile sweetly, shake his or her hand, and utter that line."

Wouldn't that be worth the wait to shake his or her slimy hand! Of course, you would need to use disinfectant afterwards. : )

[JustAmy]

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"

[Howlin]

O/T, but funny:

Democrat or Republican????

I was traveling between Phoenix and Chicago the other day and south of Kansas City when a tire blew out.

Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.

The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, "Need a lift?"

"Yes, I sure do," I replied.

"You a Democrat or Republican?" asked the old man.

"Republican," I replied.

"Well, you can just go to Hell," yelled the old man as he sped off.

Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question.

Again, I gave the same answer, "Republican." The driver gave me the finger and drove off.

I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans.

The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde.

She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Democrat or Republican.

"Democrat!" I shouted.

"Hop in!" replied the blonde.

Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at this gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.

Finally, I yelled, "Please stop the car." She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out. "What's the matter?" she asked.

"I can't take it anymore," I replied. "I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and, already, I want to screw somebody.

[eddie willers]

I shall recite my father's favorite poem:

A boy stood on the burning deck,
Selling goobers by the peck.

Along came a little girl dressed in blue,
Who said, "I'll take a peck or two".

I was well into adulthood before I finally "got" it.
(and coming from him....I was shocked...LOL!)

[The Mayor]

[Chad Fairbanks]

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. A local volunteer calls to solicite his donation, saying "our research shows that even though your annual income is over a million dollars, you do not give one penny to charity! Wouldn't you like to give back to your community through The United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a moment and says: "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh, no."

"Secondly, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology but is cut off.

"Thirdly, that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident", the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says simply, "I had no idea."

The lawyer then says"...and if I don't give any money to THEM, why should I give any to you?"

[Chad Fairbanks]

There once was a lawyer form chappaqua
Who used a cigar made from tabacca
he said to the intern
as his cigar started to burn
"If you tell anyone about this, I'll whack ya!"

[Howlin]

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is
at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and
you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae
we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

[ken5050]

A+ for effort, and ingenuity....kewl...

[Chad Fairbanks]

Thanks ;0) (I did have to use my Poetic License, though - good thing I renewed it this year, eh?)

[JustAmy]

Thanks for bringing that purple cup of coffee this morning.

[ken5050]

Is a a picture ID?...no doubt you can use it to board Saudi Air...

[Victoria Delsoul]

Morning Amy, and everyone! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Love's Secret

Never seek to tell thy love,
Love that never told can be;
For the gentle wind doth move
Silently, invisibly.

I told my love, I told my love,
I told her all my heart,
Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears.
Ah! she did depart!

Soon after she was gone from me,
A traveller came by,
Silently, invisibly:
He took her with a sigh.

-- William Blake

[Chad Fairbanks]

[ken5050]

Monica & Bill, went up the hill
Each one had a quarter
Monica came down with 50 cents
They went up for water?

[Chad Fairbanks]

Yes... I used it to get my Consular Matricular ID, too...

[ken5050]

Habla uspanol?..BTW #136 was meant for you...

[JustAmy]

[Chad Fairbanks]

Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Man: I can't.
Officer: Why not?
Man: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Officer: You what?
Man: She's in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car to call for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of his vehicle.

Man: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Man: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty space.

Officer 2: Is this your car sir?

Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, raped and murdered the owner.

Man: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.