Dimensional Door - Freeople Thread 9

[restornu]

Handyman shows police crime scene (Next to Pizzaman last delivery - bankrob/bombcollar!)
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/988813/posts

[sweetliberty]

Best of luck Nully. I know the situation has to be getting worrisome by now.

[lodwick]

Man driving down the road. Woman driving up same road As they pass each other Woman yells out window, "P I G !"

Man yells out window, " B I T C H "

Man rounds next curve Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.


Thought For The Day: If only men would listen.

[Darksheare]

*chuckle*
What?!

[lodwick]

Think about this one friends.

Subject: As Others May See Us



A woman pulls up to a red light behind one other car. She

notices the driver of the car in front of her is talking on

his cell phone and appears to be shuffling through some papers on the
seat beside him.

The light turns green, but the man doesn't notice. The woman

waits, but the man still doesn't notice the light change.



The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man
to move. The man doesn't move.



The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and

raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash.



The light turns yellow. The woman begins to blow the car horn

and scream curses at the man.



The man hearing the commotion, looks up, sees the yellow light

and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red.



The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she

misses her chance to get through the intersection.



As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and

looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious
looking policeman. The policeman tells her to shut off her car

while keeping both hands in sight.



She complies, speechless at w hat is happening.



After she shuts off the engine the policeman orders her to

exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of the car and he

orders her to turn and place her hands on her car. She turns,

places her hands on the car roof and quickly is cuffed and

hustled into the patrol car.



She is too bewildered by the chain of events to ask any

questions.



She is driven to the police station where she is fingerprinted,
photographed, searched, booked and placed in a cell.



After a couple of hours a policeman approaches the cell and

opens the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking

desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects.



He hands her the bag containing her things, and says, "I'm

really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car
while you were blowing your horn and cussing a blue streak at the car
in front of you. Then I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder,
the 'Follow Me to Sunday School bumper sticker, and the chrome plated
Christian fish emblem on the trunk.



So naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

[null and void]

Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads

WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish...............49
Adventurer...........Slept with all your friends
Athletic.............No tits
Average looking......Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful............Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.....Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.............Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure...Medicated
Feminist.............Fat ball buster
Free spirit..........Junkie
Friendship first.....Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun..................Annoying
Gentle...............Comatose
Good Listener........Borderline Autistic
New-Age..............All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned........Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded..........Desperate
Outgoing.............Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...........Sloppy drunk
Poet.................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional.........Certified Bitch
Redhead..............Bad dye-job
Reubenesque..........Grossly Fat
Romantic.............Looks better by candle light
Social...............Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous...........Very Fat
Weight proportion w/height.....Hugely Fat -as tall as you are wide
Wants Soulmate.......Stalker
Widow................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.......Old bat


MEN'S ADS
40-ish...............52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.............Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking......Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated.............Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit..........Banging your sister
Friendship first.....As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun..................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.........Arrogant
Very good looking....Dumb as a board
Honest...............Pathological Liar
Huggable.............Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle......Insecure mama's boy
Mature...............Older than your father
Open-minded..........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit.......Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.................Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.......Gay
Spiritual............Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable...............Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful...........Says "Excuse me" when he farts

[Windshark]

Hey Nully.

I just watached your candidates for about 40 minutes and couldn't stand it anymore.

Arianna and the Green guy really spell doom for your state if anyone actually believes them. Too many in your state do already.....and mine...squeek!

Any more word on your meeting today?

[Windshark]

Spoken like a true Canadian.

[Windshark]

Hope you have a rose and wine glass in your evening plans as well........

[Windshark]

A cop arrested Val?

Sorry Val....I couldn't resist.....Heheheh.....

[Windshark]

Still resisting minion reversal psychosis?

Be afraid......

[null and void]

They shore TALK purdy.

No word yet. Probably be about a week - they're doing a patent search now.

[Windshark]

Except Arianna.

She prevents any discussion. Bitchy, sulky, pure Democrat BS. I can understand why her husband stopped being hetero.

[Mo1]

LOL .. Nope .. I'm watching the CA Debates

[Windshark]

I couln't stand it anymore. I've never had such visceral disgust watching a woman.

If I were Nully I'd get in my car and head East.....

Just kidding Nully!

[null and void]

She's not as bad as Margaret.

(Of course, since Margaret, I've given up sex for food. Now I can't even get into my own pants...)

[null and void]

If I were Nully I'd get in my car and head East.....

It's on the table...

[Windshark]

That's cold......Maggie musta been quite the, um, er, project to compare her with this, this...horrid thing called a female.

You could try a new sign out....will work for sex don't need no food!.

[Windshark]

I take that back.

One word to show my previous statement as totally false.

Hillary.

[Mo1]

LOL .. Tom and Arnold are wipping up the floor with her