[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

I bet if they took this test they would know they are WTT! Naaaaaaaa... they are clueless WTT!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

The Liberal Aptitude Test
1999 Edition

I. Multiple Choice

1. In 1969, Al Gore was:
   1. Inventing the Internet.
   2. At Woodstock, but thought he was inventing the Internet.

2. Al Gore claims that he was the inspiration for the movie:
   1. Love Story
   2. Manaquin
   3. Weekend at Bernie's
   4. The China Syndrome

3. Bill Clinton said that the Democratic Party's illegal campaign finance activities are the fault of:
   1. The Democratic Party, for breaking the law.
   2. The Republican Congress, for not changing the law to match what the Democrats were doing.

4. What change might occur if Hillary Clinton wins the New York Senate seat?
   1. The Statue of Liberty sold to China.
   2. The turkey in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade replaced by a giant Tyson Chicken.
   3. Bill Clinton put in charge of returning Times Square to its former X-rated charm.
   4. All of the above

5. If Al Gore is elected President, he will give religious Americans:
   1. A seat at the table.
   2. A seat at the table, but they won't be allowed to say anything.
   3. A seat at the back of the bus.

6. If the ACLU added an “E” to their initials, would they have “A CLUE”?
   1. Yes
   2. No

7. Which of these words is misspelled?
   1. Potatoe
   2. Womyn
   3. All of the above

8. We should never criticize __________ because it might encourage mentally unstable people to use violence against them.
   1. the abortion industry
   2. the tobacco industry
   3. Democrats
   4. Republicans
   5. Independents
   6. anybody
   7. None of the above. We shouldn't use “mentally unstable people” as an excuse to censor political debate.

9. Who said, “no justice, no peace”?
   1. Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh.
   2. Democratic Congresswoman Maxine Waters.

10. During the 1988 presidential primary, Al Gore attacked rival candidate Michael Dukakis by linking him to a rapist named:
    1. Willy Horton
    2. Slick Willey

11. “NOW” stands for:
    1. National Organization for Women
    2. Nuts Or Worse

12. Is it a conflict of interest for a group that makes money from abortions to teach sex education in schools?
    1. Yes
    2. No

13. Al Gore claims that ultaviolet radiation from the “ozone hole” can:
    1. Lead to an increase in skin cancer.
    2. Cause women to think they were raped by Bill Clinton.

14. Who was called a traitor to his race for wanting to end racial preferences?
    1. Lyndon B. Johnson
    2. Clarence Thomas
    3. All of the above

15. The idea that it's OK to commit perjury and obstruction of justice as long as it's about sex, is known as the:
    1. Monroe Doctrine
    2. Truman Doctrine
    3. Clinton Doctrine

16. When Al Gore says, “This is my wife, Tipper”, he is:
    1. Introducing his wife.
    2. Asking for money.

II. Essay Questions

1. NOW president Patricia Ireland is a strong supporter of Bill Clinton, who has broken both his wedding vows and his promises to the country. Given her unwavering support for promise breakers, how might Patricia Ireland react to a group called the “Promise Keepers”?

2. It has been suggested that lives could be saved if we ignore the Second Amendment right to bears arms. How might more lives be saved if we ignore other parts of the Bill of Rights, such as the accused criminal's right to a fair trial, or the protection against unlawful search and seizure?

III. Scoring

Once you have completed the test, send it to Bill Clinton for scoring. After all, he still knows how to score!

---

Copyright © 1999 by David Anderson. All Rights Reserved.