IN PRAISE OF CHEAP COOKIES

This is just a screed praising those cheap cookies one buys in the grocery that cost next to nothing.

Anybody can buy or make cookies with delightful, wonderful texture, delicate flavors and sophisticated recipes, but for sheer, brute force artificial flavors, lard and sugar, the cheap ones have the expensive ones beat, hands down.

you asked for it, so here it is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Cat Poop Cookies"

Here, by popular request (believe it or not) is the recipe for my famous disgusting cookies that look like cats poops (rolled in Grape-Nuts, which makes lovely fake kitty litter.) Last warning - Some of you may not want to read this!

This is the recipe for Little Gator's famous "Deep Sh!t Cookies".

There are two flavors: chocolate (dark brown), and gingerbread (light brown).

I seldom measure carefully so amounts may need adjustment, especially on flavoring. The cookies are dense and not very sweet. This is necesssary so that they will keep their shape during baking. If you use white flour or sugar they may be tastier but they won't look like shit.

Chocolate ingredients:

1/2 cup honey
2/3 cup (1 and 1/3 stick) butter, margarine, or lard
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla or peppermint extract
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
grape-nuts(tm) cereal

Gingerbread ingredients:

1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup molasses
2/3 cup (1 and 1/3 stick) butter or margarine, or lard
1 egg
2 and 1/3 cups whole wheat flour
spices-ginger, cinnamon, cloves to taste (maybe 1/2 tsp each)
Grape-Nuts (tm) cereal

Mix-ins:

coconut (tapeworms)
chocolate chips
butterscotch chips
peanut butter chips
cooked spagetti or ramen noodles (roundworms)
corn
peanuts
M&Ms [tm]
"Those puffy pastel things you find at chinese restaurants" (shrimp chips - to look like the cat ate styrofoam packing pellets - I haven't tried this)

To make:

Microwave the honey till it bubbles (about 1 minute).

Add the butter, (I've been told using lard makes for a more realistic texture and softer cookie) and the molasses, if any.

Add the egg,

Mix well, then mix in all the other stuff. Add mix-ins of your choice to some or all of the batter.

Chill 1 hour in the freezer or several hours in the fridge.

Roll dough logs of random length and the diameter of cat poops. Roll logs in grape-nuts and bake at 350 degrees till done (maybe 10 to 15 minutes but with my flaky oven you never know). Note: someone with a reliable oven says it's closer to 20 minutes for him. (thanks Paul!)

Serve in a disposable cat litter box on a bed of Grapenuts cereal, with a cat litter scoop. I hear you get lovely effects by decorating the box and scoop with melted chocolate or pudding. I imagine brown sugar might work as a substitute for the new clumping litters, but I haven't tried it. I've been told that mixing brown sugar with the Grapenuts "sweetens up the cookie a bit while still looking truly hideous."

This recipe worked especially well at the halloween party where the table was already decorated with plastic flies.

Reproduced with permission of the author, Susan Mudgett

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