Kathy, grannie is sooooo old fashioned. Most of these ads could easily have come from our Dregs and Flakes of the macho persuasion. I am not sure that the ladies here would qualify - but as you know you can always play down your qualifications to get an interview.
In the ad appended below, our estimable grannie has one of the desired attributes and she could easliy fake the others. Go for it gran...
OAKEN PHALLUS - aging hippie love God, seeks perky chicks to learn about free love in my groovy shag carpet love van. Let me crash in your pad, smoke your lids of pot, eat all your food and freak out snorting glue wen you go to work. Stupid rich college girls preferred