PUFFY-faced polemicist Christopher "Hellbound" Hitchens claims Bill Clinton, whom he calls a "lousy crook," was working for the CIA when they were at Oxford together. "I think he was a double," Hitchens tells Washington-based right-wing quarterly Doublethink. "Someone was giving information to [the CIA] about the antiwar draft resisters, and I think it was probably him . . . I had every reason to think that Clinton was a creep and a phony.">p> Clinton's rep declined to comment on the allegations.
Meanwhile, Hitchens says he and the former prez "had a girlfriend in common" at the time - although he didn't know it then - "who's since become a radical lesbian. >b>My money's on hillary.] So one of us was doing something wrong, or right."
British-born Hitch goes on to attack Al Gore as a "humble, hollowed-out, humiliated figure," declaring, "I [don't] want a zombie to be president of the United States."
He particularly takes issue with Gore's and Hillary Clinton's stance on Iraq, seething, "[Bleep] them. I really mean it. I have nothing but contempt for them. We are risking people's lives, and all they can be is flippant . . . The thought of these people in power frightens me."
And as for the possibility that Gore or Hillary might yet make a bid for the White House, Hitchens sneers, "I just hope they all get some sort of wasting disease before they can run."
He rips into jokes about President Bush's intellect as "another liberal snig that annoys me a lot these days," adding, "The fact has to be faced: the intellectual candlepower of this administration is a great deal brighter than the Clinton administration . . . [and] the level of professionalism is very much higher."
Speaking of Clinton, the ex-prez will be joining the Rolling Stones onstage [God save us!] at a "free" concert tomorrow in L.A. to raise awareness about global warming. Unlike the band, however, his altruism is going unrewarded.
As we reported last week, megabucks producer/director Steve Bing is paying the Stones' expenses by forking over a sizable check to the concert's sponsor, the Natural Resources Defense Council. But Clinton is getting bupkis for his speech, his rep assures us.
Maybe he needs the Stones' agent. Page Six
Life is like a box of socialist, you never know what you're gonna get.