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To: rwfromkansas
I'm late to this thread, but am drawn to respond to your request for help.

I'm not a young FReeper, by any means. I did, however, at your age experience much the same frustration as you regarding my ability to communicate effectively.

My advice is that you lighten up a bit. NO ONE I know has ever mastered the art of friendship/conversation skills right out of the starting gate. If you are as frustrated as you say, that frustration will bleed through and will make others ill at ease.

I've always been taught that the way to be a good friend or conversationalist, is to engage the other party. Ask them to share their viewpoints, feelings, interests, etc. When you initiate a conversation look the other party in the eyes and actually LISTEN to what they have to say. Some of the best conversations/debates/exchanges I've ever had started with a simple question followed by an open and honest exchange of ideas. Social conversation cannot be scripted. There are no Cliff notes for you to memorize. LISTENING to responses to your overtures rather than thinking ahead to the next question or statement you should make to keep the conversation rolling will do more to stimulate open and honest exchanges than any other skill I can think of. I mean, really, don't you open up to people who seem genuinely interested in your viewpoints? It's human nature to interact with others. We are very social creatures.

One more thing...not everyone you attempt to engage conversation with is going to respond. Don't take it personally - maybe their mind is on something totally unrelated to you. Be open, be friendly or sympathetic, or whatever the situation calls for. Most importantly, be true to yourself. People can spot a phony right away. It's not necessary to agree with another's viewpoint in order to establish a lasting relationship.

I hope this helps. Put yourself out there and take a few rejections on the chin. I think you'll find plenty of folks who will be eager to respond, but who have been too timid to take a chance on making the first move.

Keep in touch, please, and let us know if any of the suggestions posted have been of value. If we are all full of baloney, let us know that, too. **grin**

Go get 'em, Tiger!!! (sorry, LSU alumni) my Dad's from Arkansas, though, do I get points for that?

48 posted on 02/02/2003 9:31:02 PM PST by southerngrit (Strange...I've spent most of my time trying to teach MY kids to shut UP!!)
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To: southerngrit
I am from Kansas, not Arkansas...:) I understand sometimes your eyes see things that aren't there. That happens to me reading online sometimes as well...
51 posted on 02/03/2003 2:40:56 PM PST by rwfromkansas (What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. --- Westminster Catechism Q1)
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