Dear Mrs. Claus,
Kindly note that the lovely and talented Slip 18 of The Great State of Arizona (34th in healthiness), U.S.A. (you've heard of the U.S.A.? It's been in all the papers) has sent me copious amounts of $U.S. in a spontaneous display of her affection and respect for my intelligence, good taste, and suavity. There's probably a little lust thrown in there too, but I would advise her not to hold her breath because I don't go in for that cheap physical stuff. Anyhow, she appears to have accidentally sent this money at the same time as her annual letter to your esteemed husband, and, being female, she confused the envelopes. You are presumably in receipt of my cash, which I would appreciate your forwarding to me posthaste. I shall forward her letter to Mr. Claus likewise (Mrs. Claus, what the heck is a "Mr. Vibrator"?)
Thank you very much for your consideration. Give Rudolph a hug from his Uncle Arghie.
Your friend,
Argh
That should do it.