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To: Sungirl
Jesus and His entourage are walking down the streets of Bethlehem one day when they come across a crowd of people stoning a “lady of dubious reputation.”
Jesus gets very upset, strides among them, breaking up the crowd and offering protection to the hooker, and says: “I’m surprised at all of you! Amazed! You have learned NOTHING of my teachings. Remember, let he among you, who is without sin cast the next stone.”
Well that just shuts the crowd up. Everyone looks down at their feet, feeling pretty low. Just about then, a wrinkled old lady pushes her way through the crowd. She hobbles over to Jesus, leaning heavily on her cane. As she reaches Jesus, she stops in front of Him, looks up into His eyes, looks over at the hooker, looks back at Jesus, hands her cane to Jesus, bends down and picks up the largest rock she can find, raises the rock high above her gray little head, and then bashes in the head of the hooker.
The crowd is in shock.
Jesus hands the little old lady her cane back and says: “You know Ma, sometimes you just piss me off!”
79 posted on 08/27/2002 4:39:31 AM PDT by cuz_it_aint_their_money
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To: cuz_it_aint_their_money; Sungirl; Klein-Bottle; RikaStrom; Slip18; xsmommy; Constitution Day; ...
OK, ok, I have to post this one. It's a Jesus/Jew joke but it got guffaws from the local minister and rabbai at dinner.

Jesus is getting ready to start his ministry and needs a new cloak. He asks around to find out where to get the best deal on a good cloak. EVERYBODY tells him to go to Goldbloom's of Nazareth, so he does.

Jesus walks in and sees Goldbloom taking an order from another client. Goldbloom's wife Sarah and daughter Ester are weaving the cloth. His son Abraham is busily sewing away. When the other customer leaves, Jesus explains that he needs a cloak to start his ministry. Goldbloom takes his measurements and tells him that it will be five weeks. "But I'm leaving tomorrow," says Jesus.

"Look," says Goldbloom, "My wife and daughter are weaving, my son is sewing and I'm taking orders. It'll be five weeks. We have the best cloaks in Israel. Tell me where you'll be in five weeks and I'll send it to you." "OK, let me pay you now." "Pay me the next time you are in town, you have an honest face."

Five weeks later, Jesus is preaching when a HBS (Hebrew Package Service) delivery person comes up to him and asks him to sign for a package. Jesus signs and opens the package. Inside is the most beautiful, well made cloak he has ever seen. He tries it on and it fits perfectly. As he preachs around the Holy Land, everyone comes up to him and says, "Jesus, where did you get that great cloak?" Jesus says, "Goldbloom's of Nazareth."

Three month's later, Jesus is back in Nazareth and goes to pay Goldbloom for the cloak. Goldbloom says, "No way! I've got money coming in hand over fist and you want to pay for a cloak? Look, my wife and daughter aren't weaving. I have six girls to do the weaving. My son isn't sewing. He's studying Torah at Bethlehem U. I have three young men sewing in his place. I can barely take the orders. You are the best advertising I can imagine."

Jesus says, "It is a wonderful cloak. I feel bad about not paying for it." Goldbloom says, "I tell you what, we'll go into business together. I'll take the orders and make the cloaks, you do the advertising. We'll split the profits 50-50. We'll call it 'Goldbloom and Jesus'." Jesus thought a moment and said, "I'm better known, we should call it 'Jesus and Goldbloom.'" "Goldbloom and Jesus." "Jesus and Goldbloom." Back and forth, forth and back.

Finally Goldbloom shouts, "Wait, I've got it! We'll call it "Lord and Tailor."

A leap of faith does not mean bungee jumping with a Bible.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

119 posted on 08/27/2002 6:37:40 PM PDT by LonePalm
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